Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 268 "Night's Revelations"Small and Specialty Poems
8 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
oh my... I do wish i had a six for this lovely piece of work.
You have my heart with this one... i love the moon and everything that goes with the night.
(except the creepy crawlies) lol
'So often I'll go walking in the dark.
To listen to the rhythms of the night,
Without the blind distractions of the day.
The only light produced by moon and stars.'
(the rhythms of the night... yes! the distractions of the day? boo!)
'The moon will cast its glow upon the path,
And pull the waves that crash upon the shore.
I watch the twinkling sky put on a show
And hear the breeze blow gently in the trees.
(love the imagery in this ... lovely)
'For then, is when I feel it once again,
The pulse of something vital that's in me.
I sense the vastness of the universe,
That sends mysterious vibrations out. '
(sounds very sensual)
'I have a sudden sense of feeling small
But part of it, all in some mystic way.'
(this is so true... you know, someone mentioned today about living on another planet, like the moon... and I thought, what would we look at at night..? the earth? then we'd say... I wonder what's on earth? well, we already KNOW... where's the fun in that? I don't want to look there and say... well, I wonder who they're killing today? :(
I guess I'll stay here... Maybe Venus? I love Venus and the moon together... :)
anyway... Loved your poem... I'd give it a six any day... know where I can buy one? ;)
Well done Treischel
Cat
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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oh my... I do wish i had a six for this lovely piece of work.
You have my heart with this one... i love the moon and everything that goes with the night.
(except the creepy crawlies) lol
'So often I'll go walking in the dark.
To listen to the rhythms of the night,
Without the blind distractions of the day.
The only light produced by moon and stars.'
(the rhythms of the night... yes! the distractions of the day? boo!)
'The moon will cast its glow upon the path,
And pull the waves that crash upon the shore.
I watch the twinkling sky put on a show
And hear the breeze blow gently in the trees.
(love the imagery in this ... lovely)
'For then, is when I feel it once again,
The pulse of something vital that's in me.
I sense the vastness of the universe,
That sends mysterious vibrations out. '
(sounds very sensual)
'I have a sudden sense of feeling small
But part of it, all in some mystic way.'
(this is so true... you know, someone mentioned today about living on another planet, like the moon... and I thought, what would we look at at night..? the earth? then we'd say... I wonder what's on earth? well, we already KNOW... where's the fun in that? I don't want to look there and say... well, I wonder who they're killing today? :(
I guess I'll stay here... Maybe Venus? I love Venus and the moon together... :)
anyway... Loved your poem... I'd give it a six any day... know where I can buy one? ;)
Well done Treischel
Cat
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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Thank you Cat. The are planing a Mars colony. Lol.
Comment from rod007
You sure found peace in the dark forest. I'm surprised you weren't frightened by the crunch of leaves of monsters and ghouls that are awake, following you on that dark breezy night. Joke. Well done, Tom.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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You sure found peace in the dark forest. I'm surprised you weren't frightened by the crunch of leaves of monsters and ghouls that are awake, following you on that dark breezy night. Joke. Well done, Tom.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Thank you rod. It all depends on your frame of mind. Lol.
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I just wanted you to know I released a self-published book called 'Dance with Terror.' It is on my profile page and I acknowledged you and several other reviewers/writers who encouraged me to write in one book the 50 strange stories and the poems after each tale. It is on my profile page.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing your contemplation of the universe and your atmospheric photograph. I enjoyed your rhythmic, blank verse sonnet and could "feel...The pulse" and our smallness with you. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Thank you for sharing your contemplation of the universe and your atmospheric photograph. I enjoyed your rhythmic, blank verse sonnet and could "feel...The pulse" and our smallness with you. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Thank you Joan. Always.
Comment from robina1978
Excellent photo you made or had that complements your poem so well. It is a nice blank verse Sonnet. I agree with your foot note that walking in the dark of woods or whatever makes you feel how huge the universe is.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Excellent photo you made or had that complements your poem so well. It is a nice blank verse Sonnet. I agree with your foot note that walking in the dark of woods or whatever makes you feel how huge the universe is.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much Ine. For a wonderful review.
Comment from trimple
Hey there, Tom
What a great poem!
Out walking under the moonlight, You describe the scene well and take your reader with you as you express how insignificant one feels when comtemplaiting the enormous universe, but also how much a part of it all you are.
Bravo
I am not a particulaly good poet, so forgive me if my suggestion fails to comply with this particular style of poetry.
The couplet at the end reads...
I feel myself incredibly so small,
But part of it, all in some mystic way.
To 'my' ear anyway, this read a little jumpy.
Perhaps this reads smoother?...
'I have a sudden sense of feeling small
though part of it in some mystical way'
Kind regards
tracey
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Hey there, Tom
What a great poem!
Out walking under the moonlight, You describe the scene well and take your reader with you as you express how insignificant one feels when comtemplaiting the enormous universe, but also how much a part of it all you are.
Bravo
I am not a particulaly good poet, so forgive me if my suggestion fails to comply with this particular style of poetry.
The couplet at the end reads...
I feel myself incredibly so small,
But part of it, all in some mystic way.
To 'my' ear anyway, this read a little jumpy.
Perhaps this reads smoother?...
'I have a sudden sense of feeling small
though part of it in some mystical way'
Kind regards
tracey
Comment Written 20-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Thank you Trimple. I was partly inspired by your nightwanderings, so I am pleased that it resonated with you. I did hold the dactyl to in the couplet. Although it is a bit harder to scan. I love the alliteration in your suggestion which goes to iambic, but prefer to keep it. It appreciate the suggestion. Here's how it scans for me.
I feel mySELF increDIbly so SMALL
Though PART of it, ALL in some MYStical WAY.
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Oh wait, i mixed up my two posted poems. This isn't the dactyl. It's the blank verse. So iambic pentameter is the requirement. Hmm. I love your suggestion for the first line and keep the second as it is, because the use of mystical versus mystic will throw off the meter. But i changed the first line.
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Being a bit of a newb at poetry, I feel honored to have been able to contribute to this superb write. Much love tracey :)
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Very well done. As humans we are small specks in the universe and still we are part of the universe. The best time and way to get perspective on things are when you are alone at any time with no one else around.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
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Very well done. As humans we are small specks in the universe and still we are part of the universe. The best time and way to get perspective on things are when you are alone at any time with no one else around.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
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Thank you Sandra. Your observations are so true.
Comment from rspoet
This is a fine blank verse sonnet
but needs a rhyme correction, external - (day/way), (degrees/me)
internal -(breeze/trees), (then/when/again)
I like the iambic pentameter meter
It reads very well
and the theme is magical, I am one who loves the night as well
Excellent finishing couplet
Great picture, but I was expecting one of the night sky
With the rhyme correction, this will be excellent
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
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This is a fine blank verse sonnet
but needs a rhyme correction, external - (day/way), (degrees/me)
internal -(breeze/trees), (then/when/again)
I like the iambic pentameter meter
It reads very well
and the theme is magical, I am one who loves the night as well
Excellent finishing couplet
Great picture, but I was expecting one of the night sky
With the rhyme correction, this will be excellent
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
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Thank you rspoet. I'll give that some consideration. I think in- line rhyme is OK, and day and way are pretty far removed, but ill research that.
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Mountainwriter49 is the best on site expert
on blank verse I know. You might to get his opinion. Good luck
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OK thanks for the suggestion.
Comment from Pantygynt
I'm not goint to argue with you this time. This looks almost as good as they get. I say almost because when I read:
"But part of it all, in some mystic way". I want to scan it it:
^ / ^ ^ / ^ / ^ ^ /
"But part of it all, in some mystic way." And that's not strictly iambic. Might I suggest moving the comma so we have:
^ / ^ / ^ / ^ / ^ /
"But part of it, all in some mystic way. Now it is naturally iambic and I don't feel that the sense hase been damaged.
My! What rhythmic fun we are having today!
REVIEW REVISITED
Yes that repositioned comma certainly sorts the rhythm out there. As for again all i can say is you lot go your way and my lot will go ours..All the best.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
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I'm not goint to argue with you this time. This looks almost as good as they get. I say almost because when I read:
"But part of it all, in some mystic way". I want to scan it it:
^ / ^ ^ / ^ / ^ ^ /
"But part of it all, in some mystic way." And that's not strictly iambic. Might I suggest moving the comma so we have:
^ / ^ / ^ / ^ / ^ /
"But part of it, all in some mystic way. Now it is naturally iambic and I don't feel that the sense hase been damaged.
My! What rhythmic fun we are having today!
REVIEW REVISITED
Yes that repositioned comma certainly sorts the rhythm out there. As for again all i can say is you lot go your way and my lot will go ours..All the best.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
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Thanks Pantygynt. You are right on again, the comma does throw it off. I actually wrote it that way, then added the comma as an after thought.
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I really hate being right all the time it makes me feel such a prig - yes that is prig!
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I love the way you British say things. BTW, in this one,again in pronounced "A-gen", to resonate with "then" and "when".
