Comment from kiwisteveh

Good

Great idea for a poem and the beginning was strong - the theme of all the things the full moon might 'see' on her circuit of the globe is fascinating.

However, I thought this was let down by the last two stanzas. 'sure' in line 9 adds a colloquial touch that seems at odds with the theme of mankind destroying itself and this is aggravated by 'racing' in the next line - just feels off.

Steve

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015

Thanks for your comments.

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is an excellent write, brett, you did an excellent job writing this quatrain poem about the moon that made you think of others that need our help. i enjoyed reading this one

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015

Thank you for your comments and support as always.

Comment from Amy Greta

Excellent

This poem is excellent! I figured it would be about the sun, and was surprised you were describing the moon. My favorite part is when you ask the moon what it sees. It's fascinating to think that the moon sees all, and seems to hold it all in as secrets. Under the cover of darkness, "when man goes racing out of sight", the moon knows all. Very interesting facts about strawberries and strawberry shortcake origin!
~Amy

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015

Thanks for your comments and support.

Comment from artisart4u

Exceptional

Your poem is nice, there will never be too many poem about things around us.

I like it because you gave the moon human thoughts of what does it thinks about what is going on in the world.

It rhymes very well also.

Good luck with your poem.

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015

Thanks for your comments and support.

Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

Hi Brett, I found your notes very interesting. We can learn a lot from the people here.

This really makes one give pause to how some things in nature cannot be mutilated by man such as the moon and the stars. However, give us time...Hugs, Lou

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 09-Jun-2015

Thanks for your comments and support.

Comment from Walu Feral

Excellent

G'day Brett. This is a very nice piece mate, the flow and rhythm are exceptional and the rhyming superb. You notes add to the beauty and are educational. I had no idea why the strawberry moon was called such, now I do, thanks for that my friend. Great job, cheers Fez

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 08-Jun-2015

Thanks for your comments and support as always. Very much appreciated.

Comment from buggaboo4699

Excellent

I greatly enjoyed this poem about the sun and all the things it shines down on, good and bad. Thank you so much for sharing!

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015

Not about the sun. About the moon.

reply by buggaboo4699 on 07-Jun-2015

Oh sorry. My mistake.

Comment from Janet Foor

Excellent

Beautiful picture and it does go very well with your poem. I love a full moon. thanks for the history lesson as well.
Very nice aabb rhyme and good use of alliteration.

Well done.

Janet

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015

Thank you for your comments and support.

Comment from Melodieb

Excellent

I love this. The perspective of the big yellow ball. I choose to believe he/she sees sandcastles on a sparkling beach !

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015

Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much.

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Hi Brett. :-) That's interesting that the first full moon in June is known as the Strawberry Moon. I do love strawberry shortcake. Good to know that strawberries are a fruit. Did you know that pineapples are berries? I guess when the classification system was created there were always a few oddballs that didn't quite fit into the groups.

Excellent poem with good strong concrete imagery, excellent rhymes and social commentary.

Nicely written.

Gloria

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2015

---

reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015

Thanks for your comments and support.