Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 120 "High Society"Poems /stories on Fanstory
7 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Christine. CARN THE BLUES! I really enjoyed this one mate, it made me a bit homesick. The rhyming and flow were very well done, but I reckon you should put a picture on it. Who is your brother, if you don't mind me asking? PM me if you don't want it out there, well done my friend....
SPAG ALERT!!!!
"And we all though(thought) a fight was on,"
"However all must come to pass, the evening drew (to) a close,"
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 23-May-2015
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G'day Christine. CARN THE BLUES! I really enjoyed this one mate, it made me a bit homesick. The rhyming and flow were very well done, but I reckon you should put a picture on it. Who is your brother, if you don't mind me asking? PM me if you don't want it out there, well done my friend....
SPAG ALERT!!!!
"And we all though(thought) a fight was on,"
"However all must come to pass, the evening drew (to) a close,"
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 23-May-2015
reply by the author on 23-May-2015
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Hi Fez thank you for your great review, still learning the site functions once I learn how to put photo's on I will . My brother is Andrew Manning he played for St kilda and Essendon in the 80,s so a bit back now he was a very good foot baller in his day and got great reviews as a player. Will make corrections. CARN the Tiges lol Cheers Christine
Comment from pharp
Excellent story by way of a poem, I enjoyed the read, it was quite funny. I was just imagining your dad trying to read a poem in the mist of all the going on. I wish you best wishes in the contest.
Second stanza, first line should that "y" be on arrived? lol Portia
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Excellent story by way of a poem, I enjoyed the read, it was quite funny. I was just imagining your dad trying to read a poem in the mist of all the going on. I wish you best wishes in the contest.
Second stanza, first line should that "y" be on arrived? lol Portia
Comment Written 20-May-2015
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Thank you Portia yes it didn't go down well at all but Dad took it Ok and have removed the y thanks for that Cheers Christine😊
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Chrissy...
What a fun story. And that it's true, even funnier. This is a great entry. Truly enjoyable read.
I have a few suggestions, but as always, no disrespect intended, so use or lose as you see fit.
... I suggest a slight tweak of this sentence...
:YOURS:
We all arrived the motel booked, two months or more ahead,
:SUGGEST:
We all arrived at the motel, booked two months or more ahead,
... Missing comma...
However(,) all must come to pass, the evening drew a close,
... When referring to our/my/your mum---use lower case (m)
But her tattooed rear to impress them now, really shocked my Mum/mum.
... Here is a stray 'FanStory Gremlin' running amuck at the bottom of our page --- Ã?
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Hi, Chrissy...
What a fun story. And that it's true, even funnier. This is a great entry. Truly enjoyable read.
I have a few suggestions, but as always, no disrespect intended, so use or lose as you see fit.
... I suggest a slight tweak of this sentence...
:YOURS:
We all arrived the motel booked, two months or more ahead,
:SUGGEST:
We all arrived at the motel, booked two months or more ahead,
... Missing comma...
However(,) all must come to pass, the evening drew a close,
... When referring to our/my/your mum---use lower case (m)
But her tattooed rear to impress them now, really shocked my Mum/mum.
... Here is a stray 'FanStory Gremlin' running amuck at the bottom of our page --- Ã?
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 20-May-2015
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Thanks Jax I will make the changes and appreciate your review and tips, as always. Cheer Christine😀
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You're welcome. (*<*)
Comment from Praise000
Good day CHRISSYXXX,
You managed to carefully select some rhyming words and keeping
the reader interested.
"However all must come to pass, the evening drew a close,
We ventured back, a cup of tea, for some a little doze. For others
stomachs did not hold, the bowl became a friend, As you can see our
big night out, came to a fitting end. "
All the best. Praise000
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Good day CHRISSYXXX,
You managed to carefully select some rhyming words and keeping
the reader interested.
"However all must come to pass, the evening drew a close,
We ventured back, a cup of tea, for some a little doze. For others
stomachs did not hold, the bowl became a friend, As you can see our
big night out, came to a fitting end. "
All the best. Praise000
Comment Written 20-May-2015
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Thanks Praise000 for you review and time taken to read my post , new to this site and learning every day , and appreciate comments and tips from my reviewers Cheers Christine 😊
Comment from Jean Lutz
Oh my. This is one for the books. A family legend that will grow and grow. Sounds like some of my own excursions. Now at 75, I am content to just sit here with my laptop and read of your fun -- I think. ;-)
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Oh my. This is one for the books. A family legend that will grow and grow. Sounds like some of my own excursions. Now at 75, I am content to just sit here with my laptop and read of your fun -- I think. ;-)
Comment Written 20-May-2015
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Thanks you Jean it was quite a night full off great writing material . I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my postings , I am so glad I have found FanStory learning a lot and enjoying all the differnt poems Cheers Christine 😊
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Sounds like your typical outing in any large city's bar scene. Action flows smoothly and story line easy to follow. Makes you wonder what you really thought of that night, while it was happening, although you say you can laugh about it now. Truth be told you probably wished it would hurry up and get over with at the time. Most of those kinds of experience do end up that way.
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Sounds like your typical outing in any large city's bar scene. Action flows smoothly and story line easy to follow. Makes you wonder what you really thought of that night, while it was happening, although you say you can laugh about it now. Truth be told you probably wished it would hurry up and get over with at the time. Most of those kinds of experience do end up that way.
Comment Written 20-May-2015
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Thank you Brett, it certainly gave me some good material to compose this poem As always thanks for your review the mean a lot Cheers Christine😀
Comment from TPAC
Poetic indeed. Plenty ingredients to make the mix descriptive lines details good flow a work nicely composed revealing a story Well Done Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Poetic indeed. Plenty ingredients to make the mix descriptive lines details good flow a work nicely composed revealing a story Well Done Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 20-May-2015
reply by the author on 20-May-2015
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Thank you TPAC for your encouraging comments. It was indeed a funny night and I appreciate your feedback Cheers Chris😊
