Beautiful Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 10001 "Rum and pony rides"from birth I have longed for death
3 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Another great story, my friend. Your editing is coming along quite well, and your stories flow much more easily as a result.
Sounds like you had a great time, even if you didn't remember much of it!
I don't hold alcohol well, either. My father was an alcoholic, so my sister and I try to stay away from it as much as possible.
Thanks for the cute story,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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Another great story, my friend. Your editing is coming along quite well, and your stories flow much more easily as a result.
Sounds like you had a great time, even if you didn't remember much of it!
I don't hold alcohol well, either. My father was an alcoholic, so my sister and I try to stay away from it as much as possible.
Thanks for the cute story,
Rhonda
Comment Written 25-May-2015
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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Thank you!
People like you make writing worthwhile.
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Thank you so much. Your stories are charming.
Rhonda
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day CJ. Ahhhh! The evil drink huh? This is a very interesting chapter and it sounds like it was a good learning curve for you my friend, well done mate....
A few little suggestions....
"I woke with a god awful headache, (the) more frightening (thing was that) I had no idea how I came to"
" I was a mother and too old to be so confused or necked(naked), But(but) here at least my sister would be discrete."
"When some one(someone) passed the rum bottle to me, I took a couple (of) large swallows, having never been much of a drinker it went straight to my head, and tasted extremely bad. "
"She was the best ride she(I'd) ever had."
"During our childhood we were slow to learn about drinking alchol(alcohol), our parents for the most point(part) did not (drink). "
"We were slow (in) realizing the use of alcohol, but many welcomed it."
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 24-May-2015
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G'day CJ. Ahhhh! The evil drink huh? This is a very interesting chapter and it sounds like it was a good learning curve for you my friend, well done mate....
A few little suggestions....
"I woke with a god awful headache, (the) more frightening (thing was that) I had no idea how I came to"
" I was a mother and too old to be so confused or necked(naked), But(but) here at least my sister would be discrete."
"When some one(someone) passed the rum bottle to me, I took a couple (of) large swallows, having never been much of a drinker it went straight to my head, and tasted extremely bad. "
"She was the best ride she(I'd) ever had."
"During our childhood we were slow to learn about drinking alchol(alcohol), our parents for the most point(part) did not (drink). "
"We were slow (in) realizing the use of alcohol, but many welcomed it."
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 24-May-2015
reply by the author on 24-May-2015
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Thank's
Your good advice runs through my brain like it has holes in it.
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LOL, you're welcome mate, you are doing well, there's another review on the way.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I enjoy your stories, they are so colorful and genuine. They flow well and it is easy to get interested in reading all the way to the end. Some other people's writing are so boring I have to reread several times before I can comment.
I found a couple of gramatical errors, no biggies. Use what you like and throw away the rest.
1st paragraph: 'By the time....all I could remember was clear, also all I did not. [what do you mean?-- do you mean= By the time....all I could remember was clear, but there was a lot I didn't remember.]
2nd paragraph: 'I had traveled hundreds of miles to spend time with my family in my hometown. My last memory was that it was evening,(.) A few sisters and sister in law's(laws) were sitting around a fire(,) up in the canyon,(.) THERE WAS a stream close by, (someone) passed the rum bottle to me. I CAN'T recall the details, but my sisters said I was the FANNIEST ONE; NOT BEING MUCH OF A DRINKER, THE rum WENT STRAIGHT TO MY HEAD AND IT was extremely bad tasting, but I drank it ANYWAY.'
5th paragraph: 'During....... control him'. [During our childhood we were slow to learn about drinking, our parents did not tell us anything about it. Years later mom confessed she avoided wine because she loved it. Dad was deliberately kept from such evil, because even without drinking he was TOO big to handle, he had thrown more than one man THAT TRIED to control him.]
3rd paragraph: According to them we had great fun, I threw-up on my sister in laws (law's) shoe, she cried, then tried to pony ride on another sister, telling her that aside from her husband; (our little brother who is 6 ft 4 in tall) "she was the best ride she ever had." We partied into the night and I had to be taken home and put to bed.
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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I enjoy your stories, they are so colorful and genuine. They flow well and it is easy to get interested in reading all the way to the end. Some other people's writing are so boring I have to reread several times before I can comment.
I found a couple of gramatical errors, no biggies. Use what you like and throw away the rest.
1st paragraph: 'By the time....all I could remember was clear, also all I did not. [what do you mean?-- do you mean= By the time....all I could remember was clear, but there was a lot I didn't remember.]
2nd paragraph: 'I had traveled hundreds of miles to spend time with my family in my hometown. My last memory was that it was evening,(.) A few sisters and sister in law's(laws) were sitting around a fire(,) up in the canyon,(.) THERE WAS a stream close by, (someone) passed the rum bottle to me. I CAN'T recall the details, but my sisters said I was the FANNIEST ONE; NOT BEING MUCH OF A DRINKER, THE rum WENT STRAIGHT TO MY HEAD AND IT was extremely bad tasting, but I drank it ANYWAY.'
5th paragraph: 'During....... control him'. [During our childhood we were slow to learn about drinking, our parents did not tell us anything about it. Years later mom confessed she avoided wine because she loved it. Dad was deliberately kept from such evil, because even without drinking he was TOO big to handle, he had thrown more than one man THAT TRIED to control him.]
3rd paragraph: According to them we had great fun, I threw-up on my sister in laws (law's) shoe, she cried, then tried to pony ride on another sister, telling her that aside from her husband; (our little brother who is 6 ft 4 in tall) "she was the best ride she ever had." We partied into the night and I had to be taken home and put to bed.
Comment Written 24-May-2015
reply by the author on 25-May-2015
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Thank you for your help.
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You are welcome :)
