Good Job? What a Lie!
false praise harms our children30 total reviews
Comment from justafan
Oh how right you are! This hit so close to home for me. My son and his worthless wife are too busy trying to be a friend to their children instead of parents. I love this and the win was well deserved.
Always justafan,
Missy
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2015
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Oh how right you are! This hit so close to home for me. My son and his worthless wife are too busy trying to be a friend to their children instead of parents. I love this and the win was well deserved.
Always justafan,
Missy
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2015
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Thanks. Wish me luck as the sergeant in charge of boot camp.
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I salute you Sarge :)
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I salute you Sarge :)
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I salute you Sarge :)
Comment from apelle
I am so happy to have read your story (I use that term "story" because we are on a literary site, but in truth is a rant written and expressed perfectly )
I grew up fearing failure and truly basking in the laurels of success and achievement. Yes it's true every generation has it's quirks, pluses and minuses but the idea that "everybody is a winner" frosts me to no end. I raised a child in this over accommodating system and rather than have an attendance award at the end of the year or smiley faces and stars for simply using the bathroom for my son I would have preferred an honest " this boy is very lazy and he'll never reach academic achievement unless he works harder". Now I have an unhappy twenty something underachiever who does not understand the real dynamic of the world an he can not fathom what he did or does wrong and why his boss is not raving about his mediocre achievements .
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2015
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I am so happy to have read your story (I use that term "story" because we are on a literary site, but in truth is a rant written and expressed perfectly )
I grew up fearing failure and truly basking in the laurels of success and achievement. Yes it's true every generation has it's quirks, pluses and minuses but the idea that "everybody is a winner" frosts me to no end. I raised a child in this over accommodating system and rather than have an attendance award at the end of the year or smiley faces and stars for simply using the bathroom for my son I would have preferred an honest " this boy is very lazy and he'll never reach academic achievement unless he works harder". Now I have an unhappy twenty something underachiever who does not understand the real dynamic of the world an he can not fathom what he did or does wrong and why his boss is not raving about his mediocre achievements .
Comment Written 24-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2015
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I understand how difficult it is to admit our children are far from perfect. In so many ways my son is a hero, but in some ways he is abysmal failure. Hes a wonderful father and a sole parent, but drops his whiskers in the sink and lets his kids brush their teeth in that. A total slob. It sounds like your son is still a young man. Keep your fingers crossed and hope he finds something or someone to inspire change. Thanks for the stars.
Comment from Contests
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 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 23-Jun-2015
Comment from Jackq
I agree 100% in your assessment of the coddling of our children. Not only is this evident in our classrooms but also on our sports' fields as well. Kids are routinely given participation medals and led to believe that they can be the next Lebron James or David Ortiz. These practices routinely set up kids for disappointment once they reach a more competitive level and the kids (and parents) discover that their lack of effort has resulted in mediocrity.
Shame on educators, coaches and parents. We all need to make drastic changes to end the era of entitlement.
Good article!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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I agree 100% in your assessment of the coddling of our children. Not only is this evident in our classrooms but also on our sports' fields as well. Kids are routinely given participation medals and led to believe that they can be the next Lebron James or David Ortiz. These practices routinely set up kids for disappointment once they reach a more competitive level and the kids (and parents) discover that their lack of effort has resulted in mediocrity.
Shame on educators, coaches and parents. We all need to make drastic changes to end the era of entitlement.
Good article!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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There is so much today competing for both the children's and parents' attention. Electronics have made so many things boring. It's tough to fight back. Thanks for the read.
Comment from Muffins
The writing here is honest and open. It needs to be said. When did the shift happen where it's ok for children to believe mediocre is ok? My sister and brother in law , thank goodness, will have none of that from their kids. My eleven year old niece spends the summer playing and learning. I suspect my four year old nephew will be on the same learning diet this summer. They praise good work and help to correct poor work.
Your grandson needs you as the voice of reason. He may mumble under his breath that your mean, but when he gets excepted to the college of his choice he will thank you.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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The writing here is honest and open. It needs to be said. When did the shift happen where it's ok for children to believe mediocre is ok? My sister and brother in law , thank goodness, will have none of that from their kids. My eleven year old niece spends the summer playing and learning. I suspect my four year old nephew will be on the same learning diet this summer. They praise good work and help to correct poor work.
Your grandson needs you as the voice of reason. He may mumble under his breath that your mean, but when he gets excepted to the college of his choice he will thank you.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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We've had to start from the foundation where he was stinted emotionally--mom walked out. He had undiagnosed with ADHD for years, but through a lot of help and medication, that's under control. Everybody seems content to 'settle' that he is well behaved and a loving child. I will not. He had the base of his learning stolen. People look at far he's come and I look how far he'll go. I adore the kid...does it show?
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Yes. it does!
Comment from barkingdog
Congratulations on becoming the Story of the Month contest winner. Every parent and teacher should read this, so that they will understand what acceptance of mediocrity does to their children--the next generation.
Bravo for taking a stand.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2015
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Congratulations on becoming the Story of the Month contest winner. Every parent and teacher should read this, so that they will understand what acceptance of mediocrity does to their children--the next generation.
Bravo for taking a stand.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2015
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Thanks so much.
Comment from Contests
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| A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 12-Jun-2015
Comment from mommerry
Your well written story was a bit of an uncomfortable read for me. I thought my kids were being more encouraging parents than I ever was when a request like: "Johnny, please go back and shut the door." also gets a follow-up pat on the head and "Good job." I would have probably said, "Johnny, how often have we told you to shut the door behind you," and expected him to go back and do it with no follow up necessary from Mom. I am rethinking that.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Your well written story was a bit of an uncomfortable read for me. I thought my kids were being more encouraging parents than I ever was when a request like: "Johnny, please go back and shut the door." also gets a follow-up pat on the head and "Good job." I would have probably said, "Johnny, how often have we told you to shut the door behind you," and expected him to go back and do it with no follow up necessary from Mom. I am rethinking that.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Yeah, me too, but they DO better for me than their parents. I am so willing to be wrong, provided the kids are right. Thanks.
Comment from Tatarka2
I don't think you'll be hated. Oh, he'll gripe and moan, all right, and he's learned well how to get out of doing work. But he'll thank you in the end, especially if you keep at it and keep acting as his motivational compass and/or rudder (pick your metaphor) until he matures enough to get one of his own. He never will, if someone doesn't set an example and hold him to it. I think even children know when they're getting by with stuff, and they don't really feel good about it, except for a fleeting moment of triumph, perhaps, when they "get over" on adults. Pretty soon that becomes a habit, and they're set for life - and not in a good way. So hang in there, Grandma. You're giving your grandson the best gift he will probably ever get. It doesn't matter at all whether he, or even your son, know or recognize it at this moment.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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I don't think you'll be hated. Oh, he'll gripe and moan, all right, and he's learned well how to get out of doing work. But he'll thank you in the end, especially if you keep at it and keep acting as his motivational compass and/or rudder (pick your metaphor) until he matures enough to get one of his own. He never will, if someone doesn't set an example and hold him to it. I think even children know when they're getting by with stuff, and they don't really feel good about it, except for a fleeting moment of triumph, perhaps, when they "get over" on adults. Pretty soon that becomes a habit, and they're set for life - and not in a good way. So hang in there, Grandma. You're giving your grandson the best gift he will probably ever get. It doesn't matter at all whether he, or even your son, know or recognize it at this moment.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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I agree and thank you for your kind words
Comment from Linda Engel
Absolutely brilliant commentary on the subject of education. I agree with you so much and I just had this conversation on facebook with some of my teachers friends in the Atlanta area. Parents and grandparents of these children have been exposed to a higher education themselves. Unlike our parents and grandparents who hardly finished high school. We should be encouraging our children to go beyond learning in the classroom. We should be teaching them ourselves when we get the time and chance. You are so right in saying that teachers and parents say "that is so good" to much the kids. I don't believe in praise for no reason. Earn that praise. Encourage them. Make them the responsible adults we want them to become.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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Absolutely brilliant commentary on the subject of education. I agree with you so much and I just had this conversation on facebook with some of my teachers friends in the Atlanta area. Parents and grandparents of these children have been exposed to a higher education themselves. Unlike our parents and grandparents who hardly finished high school. We should be encouraging our children to go beyond learning in the classroom. We should be teaching them ourselves when we get the time and chance. You are so right in saying that teachers and parents say "that is so good" to much the kids. I don't believe in praise for no reason. Earn that praise. Encourage them. Make them the responsible adults we want them to become.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2015
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Honestly, even when they fail a something there is room for encouragement without false praise. My youngest granddaughter is taking gymnastics and all through the class she's yelling look at me. When her Dad comes to classes he says 'Good try' or 'Good job' while I look at her and say, 'is that the best you got?' Followed by keep your knees together or some such direction when practising her routine--no, that wasn't sex ed. She has learned to look to me for REAL validation and doesn't even look up when she fumbles. I am not suggesting lack of encouragement, I think all effort should be guided. Thanks for the stars and feedback.
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Absolutely. My grandchildren go to a Montessori school in Athens. I am proud of the teaching methods and my daughter and son=in=law spend a lot of one on one time with each of them to teach them something new all the time. None of this sitting in front of the tv all day. I agree with the constructive encouragement to find out what is supposed to be done and show them how to do it. I don't even let my grands win in cards. I want them to think how to play the game.
