Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 236 "Adam and Eve"Small and Specialty Poems
10 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
A very clever poem, Tom. I like the three styles in one, that was really good. The words of the first sin in this style works very well. I wonder what we would have been like today had they not taken the forbidden fruit? That was the say they let Satan in to our lives. A great read, my friend. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
  |
A very clever poem, Tom. I like the three styles in one, that was really good. The words of the first sin in this style works very well. I wonder what we would have been like today had they not taken the forbidden fruit? That was the say they let Satan in to our lives. A great read, my friend. :) Sandra
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
-
Thank you Sandra. I guess we'd be living in paradise, happy as the birds.
Comment from MagKing
Way to go!
You really killed it with letting the piece stressed and jerky.
With a smooth flow as well. You must have reviewed this time and over to release it to stand formidable.
MagKing
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
 |
Way to go!
You really killed it with letting the piece stressed and jerky.
With a smooth flow as well. You must have reviewed this time and over to release it to stand formidable.
MagKing
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
-
Thank you MagKing. Yes, it took a while to get it right. I appreciate you review and the award of stars.
Comment from patcelaw
Just as Satan deceived Eve, the Eve ate, giving to Adam and he ate. They passed the sin onto all mankind. Through one man came sin (Adam), and the remedy for that sin came through one man Christ, Jesus. Praise God for Jesus and his obedience. Patricia
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
|
Just as Satan deceived Eve, the Eve ate, giving to Adam and he ate. They passed the sin onto all mankind. Through one man came sin (Adam), and the remedy for that sin came through one man Christ, Jesus. Praise God for Jesus and his obedience. Patricia
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
-
Thank you Patricia. Yes indeed, praise Hesus.
Comment from TAB_that's me
I really like this form of poetry and you did such a wonderful job with the form and your poem. Truly enjoyable.
~Teresa~
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
|
I really like this form of poetry and you did such a wonderful job with the form and your poem. Truly enjoyable.
~Teresa~
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
-
Thank you Teresa. Yeah i liked the form too and will likely write some more.
Comment from Joan E.
And the pair is smiling too, in the image you chose to adorn your words. I enjoyed your retelling the Bible story in the Quatret form, along with its rhythm and rhymes and your alliteration of "s's"--rather like the hissing of the snake. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
|
And the pair is smiling too, in the image you chose to adorn your words. I enjoyed your retelling the Bible story in the Quatret form, along with its rhythm and rhymes and your alliteration of "s's"--rather like the hissing of the snake. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
-
Thank you Joan. Thatssss sssso ssssweet.
-
Sssweet dreams! -Joan
Comment from risktaker
Giving in to temptation that is against God's commands always leads to long term negative consequences. You express your story well. The imagery is clear and effective. The colors and photo are inviting. Free will and free choice controls the events of all of our lives.
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
|
Giving in to temptation that is against God's commands always leads to long term negative consequences. You express your story well. The imagery is clear and effective. The colors and photo are inviting. Free will and free choice controls the events of all of our lives.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
-
Thank you risktaker. Yes, there are always consequences.
-
ok
Comment from tfawcus
A splendid Quatret with three clearly defined poems each telling the famous Garden of Eden story. The dialogue in you updated version runs smoothly. It is a dilemma we still face, for some apples in this life of ours are exceedingly tempting.
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
|
A splendid Quatret with three clearly defined poems each telling the famous Garden of Eden story. The dialogue in you updated version runs smoothly. It is a dilemma we still face, for some apples in this life of ours are exceedingly tempting.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
-
Thank you Tony. So true, so true.
Comment from marycec
I hadn't come across a quartret before but it is a intriguing form.I read the three poems within the poem and yet it seems quite seamless. Might give it a go! The rhythm flows nicely and I admire that because I find it hard to do. The last line for me seemed a little stilted though the syllable count was correct. What about something like They embraced original sin. Only a suggestion. Good poem.
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
|
I hadn't come across a quartret before but it is a intriguing form.I read the three poems within the poem and yet it seems quite seamless. Might give it a go! The rhythm flows nicely and I admire that because I find it hard to do. The last line for me seemed a little stilted though the syllable count was correct. What about something like They embraced original sin. Only a suggestion. Good poem.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
-
Thank you marycec. I decided to change it to the feminine form of iambic. Hope that reads better
-
Yes that works. Cheers!
Comment from rod007
This poem captures the original sin perfectly and the duo of lines in between enforce the pressure-temptation they are under from the Snake's goading. Well done, Tom.
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
|
This poem captures the original sin perfectly and the duo of lines in between enforce the pressure-temptation they are under from the Snake's goading. Well done, Tom.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
-
Thank you rod. I liked the dialogue aspect.
Comment from Pantygynt
I like these. They fascinate me. I'll be glad when I get this Littoral finished and can dabble in in some experimentation. This being the second one I ploughe straight in with just the quatrain poem first then the couplet one and they all worked well until the last line; it didn't scan with either or both poems. It's that word "original" that is the problem. Don't see how you could get round it mind>
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
|
I like these. They fascinate me. I'll be glad when I get this Littoral finished and can dabble in in some experimentation. This being the second one I ploughe straight in with just the quatrain poem first then the couplet one and they all worked well until the last line; it didn't scan with either or both poems. It's that word "original" that is the problem. Don't see how you could get round it mind>
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
-
Yup, that line gave me lots of trouble. I rewrote it several times. I even considered:
Committed sin original
I suppose i should have gone with a wider range, using pentameter rather than tetrameter.
-
Ok, i changed it and went with a feminine line of 11 syllables., but i think that reads better.
