Comment from Judy Couch

Exceptional

This is excellent. I understand why it placed so well in the contest. You told it in a clear and understandable manner and you made it believable. Great job.

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015

Hi Judy,

Thank you so much for the six star review and the wonderful comments. I'm glad you liked this. It was special for me to write. I got to go back in time and save my sister's cat. lol (that cat-flattening tragedy and the physically abusive Miss King, believe or not, were both based on real-life painful childhood memories. Figured I'd use some reality in such an outlandish piece of fiction.)

Christian

Comment from Tatarka2

Excellent

I've had this fantasy so many times; to be able to go back to the days of childhood, which I took so much for granted, at the time. Thanks for envisioning this, and writing it out in this story. Apparently, I'm not the only one who's imagined this. I loved the plot. It's imaginative and unique, and the story keeps the reader engaged from start to finish. I can't imagine how it could have been better. Congratulations on placing in the contest. So well-deserved with this story!

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015

Hi,

Thank you for such a thoughtful and encouraging review. I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one who daydreams about going back and changing things. A lot of this story was loosely based on real events in my own childhood, and I think you got that somehow. It was awesome to write, almost like really changing the past. Of course, this was fiction, but the physically abusive teacher, witnessing the awful death of our cat and the loss of my sister in a motorcycle accident in '79 were all things that really happened to me personally. The names and events were completely different, but I drew on real emotions to craft a completely fictitious story hoping it would be more believable. I'm so glad from what you shared to know that using my true life childhood misfortunes helped to convey something that came across as genuine. Thank you so much for that.

Christian

Comment from Cass Carlton

Excellent

I like the theme of going back in time. Showing the change in styles of discipline is an eye-opener. The build up of gradual belief from complete ridicule in his sister is sustained well and the characters of the mother and the sister are well done and
clearly drawn. The language you use is simple and non profane (mostly) and the "cell" "sell" joke is logical and amusing. Well done cheers Cass

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015

Hi Cass,

I'm pleased you liked this odd little story. Thanks so much for reading such a lengthy piece. It started at 10,000 words, and I got it down to 6,500, but just couldn't cut it down any further. Somehow, it needed every word I left in it.

Christian

Comment from joann r romei

Excellent

It is a bit dragged out, cut the conversations with the sis, make they tighter and sharper, the beginning can be trimmed to two decent paragraphs, then plunge into the story, a lot of tension there. good luck,

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015

Hi Joann,

Thank you so much. I'm doing all the cuts as we speak. I'm trying to shave it down to below 7000. Only 555 to go. lol

reply by joann r romei on 25-Mar-2015

let me know what contest it is.

reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015

This is for the 'What If...' contest. I'm all cut down, coming in just under the max word count of 7000.

reply by joann r romei on 26-Mar-2015

let me know and i will re read it.

reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015

Hi again,

I cut it down to 6600 from its original ten thousand, and I think the fat has definitely been trimmed. I'm hoping my editing has made up for a lot of bad writing. Thanks for your suggestions. They're always appreciated.

Christian