Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 209 "River Shimmers"Small and Specialty Poems
11 total reviews
Comment from risktaker
I like the scenes depicted. The imagery is clear. the message is clear and i like the word choice. The word choice is effective in describing the various activities occurring on the river. I like rhyme and think that it adds to the effectiveness of the poem.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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I like the scenes depicted. The imagery is clear. the message is clear and i like the word choice. The word choice is effective in describing the various activities occurring on the river. I like rhyme and think that it adds to the effectiveness of the poem.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you risktaker. I am pleased that you connected with the imagery.
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ok
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Comment from rod007
A very descriptive poem that flows well with the peculiar rhyming of 'The Ends Edge' adding magic and flavor to the piece of that river you love and figures in a number of your poems. Well done, Tom.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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A very descriptive poem that flows well with the peculiar rhyming of 'The Ends Edge' adding magic and flavor to the piece of that river you love and figures in a number of your poems. Well done, Tom.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Thank you rod. Yeah, that river is in my blood, i guess.
Comment from Onely
This is an excellent poem. I could build the images in my mind as I read along. The poem rhymes well and flows easily, which is difficult with this format and you handled the ababa rhyme quite handily.
I found it to be a very enjoyable read.
Thank You for Sharing it.
Onely
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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This is an excellent poem. I could build the images in my mind as I read along. The poem rhymes well and flows easily, which is difficult with this format and you handled the ababa rhyme quite handily.
I found it to be a very enjoyable read.
Thank You for Sharing it.
Onely
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Thank you Onely.
Comment from adewpearl
good ababa rhyming with good internal rhymes like scene/keen, obstruction/introduction and others
good alliteration like in sights/soon and barges bear the burden and others
vivid detail of setting
good assonance in phrases like river shimmers
civil engineer's skill - engineers' - plural possessive
excellent emotional appeal as well as sensory appeal - a thoughtful celebration of this place :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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good ababa rhyming with good internal rhymes like scene/keen, obstruction/introduction and others
good alliteration like in sights/soon and barges bear the burden and others
vivid detail of setting
good assonance in phrases like river shimmers
civil engineer's skill - engineers' - plural possessive
excellent emotional appeal as well as sensory appeal - a thoughtful celebration of this place :-) Brooke
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Thank you Brooke, very astute as always.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate. This is a great piece. It is vividly descriptive and flows along nicely and has beautiful rhymes. What an interesting form this is and from where I see you did it a great justice. That is one fantastic photo as well. Great presentation Sir. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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G'day mate. This is a great piece. It is vividly descriptive and flows along nicely and has beautiful rhymes. What an interesting form this is and from where I see you did it a great justice. That is one fantastic photo as well. Great presentation Sir. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Thank you Fez for a n excellent review.
Comment from chasennov
An Ends Edge Poem "River Shimmers" Quite a neat poem you have created here, and the artwork is excellent and complimentary. The poem is very good, and I appreciated the strength of it. Gungalo was a great poet. Well done.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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An Ends Edge Poem "River Shimmers" Quite a neat poem you have created here, and the artwork is excellent and complimentary. The poem is very good, and I appreciated the strength of it. Gungalo was a great poet. Well done.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Thank you chasennov. She sure was. I miss her a lot.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Joan E.
Not only did you stretch yourself with another form, but increased the difficulty with your rhyme scheme! I also enjoyed your including alliteration. Your choosing the format is also a lovely tribute to the memory of Gungalo. You were quite successful in capturing the images of your photograph in words as well. Many cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Not only did you stretch yourself with another form, but increased the difficulty with your rhyme scheme! I also enjoyed your including alliteration. Your choosing the format is also a lovely tribute to the memory of Gungalo. You were quite successful in capturing the images of your photograph in words as well. Many cheers- Joan
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Thank you Joan. What a wonderful review.
Comment from Dawny53
Very nice, this form you speak of in your authors notes is really fascinating to me, and you have inspired me to give it a shot.. as for your poem you seem to have captured the scenario of the day, the goings on in the river..
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Very nice, this form you speak of in your authors notes is really fascinating to me, and you have inspired me to give it a shot.. as for your poem you seem to have captured the scenario of the day, the goings on in the river..
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Thank you Dawny, i am very pleased that you are thinking of trying one. I wish you all the best.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Everything about this presentation is great. The format seems difficult, but you did a great job. I have to admit I did not count syllable. I just read and enjoyed the poem. The flow was very good as was the rhyming. Good job. I see nothing to change. Good job and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Everything about this presentation is great. The format seems difficult, but you did a great job. I have to admit I did not count syllable. I just read and enjoyed the poem. The flow was very good as was the rhyming. Good job. I see nothing to change. Good job and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Thank you Jannypan. The format is very difficult as you I had to rhyme 4 sets of rhymes back to back making sense of the transition, and come up with 9 rhymes in each stanza for a total of 27 rhymes, no counting the couplet.
Comment from RGstar
Nicely delivered. We see he aspect and character of both river and its environment through the write.
One little thing, Treischel.
''Bright business building glimmers, its reflection glows,''
Perhaps alter this sentence a little as, in this case, the river cannot reflect itself, so you must be speaking of the buildings of the businesses reflecting, therefore must change ''its'' to ''their'' reflection glows''
Very descriptive with imagery in abundance.
Bravo.
RG
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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Nicely delivered. We see he aspect and character of both river and its environment through the write.
One little thing, Treischel.
''Bright business building glimmers, its reflection glows,''
Perhaps alter this sentence a little as, in this case, the river cannot reflect itself, so you must be speaking of the buildings of the businesses reflecting, therefore must change ''its'' to ''their'' reflection glows''
Very descriptive with imagery in abundance.
Bravo.
RG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Thank you RG. That actually is just 1 building though, and one business. It's the Comcast building.
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Yes, Treischel, don't know what made me thought more than one. Perhaps just the richness of the write.
Thank you, my friend
