Beautiful Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 10000 "Swimming necked "from birth I have longed for death
8 total reviews
Comment from Day Z Chayn
So did you actually become sick? I would think it would be a treat to 'swim nekkid' as you put it. I can't really swim, even to this day, since I can't walk either.
I did get the chance to swim. Every chance we got, my sister and I swam whenever we went on vacation. There was an unwritten rule in our family that whenever we stayed at a motel, it had to have a swimming pool.
Blessings,
Shane
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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So did you actually become sick? I would think it would be a treat to 'swim nekkid' as you put it. I can't really swim, even to this day, since I can't walk either.
I did get the chance to swim. Every chance we got, my sister and I swam whenever we went on vacation. There was an unwritten rule in our family that whenever we stayed at a motel, it had to have a swimming pool.
Blessings,
Shane
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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I did not get sick!
I have been told that it is easier to swim than walk, my problem is walking to the pool.
Thank you for reading my little story.
The few times my children went on trips the pool was the most important thing. Then the darn place shut at 10 and kids lost swim time.
Comment from Messner
I had a little sister that was the necked swimmer you describe. Your writing drew me in and then kept me. The writing could flow more smoothly if you would substitute the over used pronoun "she" with "her",the characters name, or a light description. I would also consider dropping the "she is told", "what to do", "she cannot stay out of the water" If little sister drops her clothes and slides into the water that relays to me the perfect picture you want to convey.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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I had a little sister that was the necked swimmer you describe. Your writing drew me in and then kept me. The writing could flow more smoothly if you would substitute the over used pronoun "she" with "her",the characters name, or a light description. I would also consider dropping the "she is told", "what to do", "she cannot stay out of the water" If little sister drops her clothes and slides into the water that relays to me the perfect picture you want to convey.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your helpful reply.
I have tried to use it properly.
I am not sure if I managed to.
I confuse myself easily.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate. This is another very entertaining chapter in your young life. I think many of us did things that were taboo LOL. I have been meaning to ask you where these events took place. Perhaps I did read it in past chapters but I forget because I am old and brain dead. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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G'day mate. This is another very entertaining chapter in your young life. I think many of us did things that were taboo LOL. I have been meaning to ask you where these events took place. Perhaps I did read it in past chapters but I forget because I am old and brain dead. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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I was born in the 50's and I lived in the little towns of Colorado city Arizona and Hills-dale Utah.
Comment from patcelaw
It is so terrible when your siblings have do it my way cards to keep you doing what they want you to do, The story is cute. Blessings, Patricia
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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It is so terrible when your siblings have do it my way cards to keep you doing what they want you to do, The story is cute. Blessings, Patricia
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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Thank you!
Comment from royowen
I've tried to help, well done, blessings, Roy. Spag:- small stream with (a) pool. 2. (A)s 3 It is hot(,) get into swim suits(,) (and) one is without... (S)he is told(,) the water(,) mom said(,).4 she looks all around (and)no one..5. She slides into the water with (her) big sister(,) shaking...6. (G)etting out (she) 6. (She's smugly proud) 7 If you don't(,) ..necked =naked, 8'Gypsey = gypsy.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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I've tried to help, well done, blessings, Roy. Spag:- small stream with (a) pool. 2. (A)s 3 It is hot(,) get into swim suits(,) (and) one is without... (S)he is told(,) the water(,) mom said(,).4 she looks all around (and)no one..5. She slides into the water with (her) big sister(,) shaking...6. (G)etting out (she) 6. (She's smugly proud) 7 If you don't(,) ..necked =naked, 8'Gypsey = gypsy.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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Thank you!
Comment from Dickleeshia
They deleted my short review because they said I should expand it because its useless. And I have to go over again when in fact its easier to continue than to write a new review for this.
Is the misspelling of the word "naked" intentional?
Please check!
Oh, I should expand this so that they won't delete this again & again & again!
I hope this is long enough.
I hope so...
I hope...
I...
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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They deleted my short review because they said I should expand it because its useless. And I have to go over again when in fact its easier to continue than to write a new review for this.
Is the misspelling of the word "naked" intentional?
Please check!
Oh, I should expand this so that they won't delete this again & again & again!
I hope this is long enough.
I hope so...
I hope...
I...
Comment Written 18-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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I know what you mean about being forced to keep finding words.
No as usual my misspelling is not intentional.
Usually Spell Check gets most of the bad spelling.
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cass Carlton
This is so interesting. After reading it several times the themes in it come subtly to the surface. Despite giving into temptation and defying her mother's orders she enjoyed the swim and the secrecy. Then, there was the price to pay. Her sister's silence and complicity, with her threats to tell all. Then, in the last line , the worm turns and she decides to call her sister's bluff. Bravo!! The explanation is very telling too. It shows a mother's concern for her daughter, and a daughter who resented being prevented from enjoying a harmless swim. I don't think she really hated the gypsy , I think she was just peeved at being kept out of the water
Present tense presentation of the story gives an interesting slant to the viewpoint.
Well done, Surprising depth and quality in a very short piece Cheers Cass
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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This is so interesting. After reading it several times the themes in it come subtly to the surface. Despite giving into temptation and defying her mother's orders she enjoyed the swim and the secrecy. Then, there was the price to pay. Her sister's silence and complicity, with her threats to tell all. Then, in the last line , the worm turns and she decides to call her sister's bluff. Bravo!! The explanation is very telling too. It shows a mother's concern for her daughter, and a daughter who resented being prevented from enjoying a harmless swim. I don't think she really hated the gypsy , I think she was just peeved at being kept out of the water
Present tense presentation of the story gives an interesting slant to the viewpoint.
Well done, Surprising depth and quality in a very short piece Cheers Cass
Comment Written 18-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for your review!
I expected insults, this was a diversion from reading and writing.
I am really surprised.
Comment from Jacob Collins
I thought that you told this piece well, cbat. You kept it nice and short and your writing was well written and flowed well. I couldn't find anything to critique. An excellent piece...Jacob
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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I thought that you told this piece well, cbat. You kept it nice and short and your writing was well written and flowed well. I couldn't find anything to critique. An excellent piece...Jacob
Comment Written 18-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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I am shocked! I did not think I would ever hear that I didn't mess up my grammar.
Thank you!
