Beautiful Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 10026 "monster of my mind"from birth I have longed for death
6 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for your courage to write this autobiographical story. I have never known anyone who experienced polygamy. I am glad, even with your illnesses and difficult life, you have no regrets and your children and grandchildren give your life purpose. Best wishes in your experimenting with FanStory. -Joan
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your courage to write this autobiographical story. I have never known anyone who experienced polygamy. I am glad, even with your illnesses and difficult life, you have no regrets and your children and grandchildren give your life purpose. Best wishes in your experimenting with FanStory. -Joan
Comment Written 06-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your reply
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello cbat,
I believe you have a powerful story to tell. I look forward to reading.
I am so thankful that in spite of all the suffering you have emerged the victor and not the victim and able to be thankful for the good things.
My heart goes out to you.
There are several errors, but I see others have pointed them out, so full marks for the courage to embark on this writing journey. I pray it will be a healing one.
Love and God bless you, dear. Have a beautiful weekend.
Sonali
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2015
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Hello cbat,
I believe you have a powerful story to tell. I look forward to reading.
I am so thankful that in spite of all the suffering you have emerged the victor and not the victim and able to be thankful for the good things.
My heart goes out to you.
There are several errors, but I see others have pointed them out, so full marks for the courage to embark on this writing journey. I pray it will be a healing one.
Love and God bless you, dear. Have a beautiful weekend.
Sonali
Comment Written 06-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2015
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You are kind in your review. I have discovered through the years that writing seems to be a better treatment for me than seeking professional help. After writing something one can go back and see clearly who they are. My writing has been crippled by inability to comprehend grammar so I am taking another class.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate, this is a very powerful story and it shows the short comings of human beings in different cultures and how we are not all equal according to man, well done cheers Fez
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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G'day mate, this is a very powerful story and it shows the short comings of human beings in different cultures and how we are not all equal according to man, well done cheers Fez
Comment Written 04-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your help, I have so many things in my mind fighting to get out that I wonder if I should stop, People like you give me the push to keep trying.
Comment from jpduck
This was a good idea, but there are a lot of problems. In particular you are using commas where there should be full stops -- I have indicated only some of them below. Whenever you start a new sentence, you should end the previous sentence with a full stop. (I don't know where you live, but in some countries a full stop is called a period).
The required FanStory format is for single-spaced lines with double-spacing at the end of every paragraph. There is a simple way of getting this right. Simply remember that every time you press the 'Enter' key, you should press it twice.
Some typos and SPAGs (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'husband*,* [and] *with* 2 year old clinging to her skirts*.*'
'angry baby soon to be born *--* I am the angry one'
'caused [his] *the* skin behind *his* ears'
'her anger grew*,* fed by strangers'
'prepare her baby for burial*.* [and] *H*e was brutal*,* taking'
'into a suitcase*,* throwing it over'
'disease of my brother who[m] left before I arrived'
'by the time[r] I was "placed"'
'no use for makeup*.* *M*y 9 sisters were in my eyes all beautiful*.* *M*y favorite'
'My famil*y's* generations'
'filling the world with believers*.* *T*hus a wom*a*n's most important job'
Adrian
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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This was a good idea, but there are a lot of problems. In particular you are using commas where there should be full stops -- I have indicated only some of them below. Whenever you start a new sentence, you should end the previous sentence with a full stop. (I don't know where you live, but in some countries a full stop is called a period).
The required FanStory format is for single-spaced lines with double-spacing at the end of every paragraph. There is a simple way of getting this right. Simply remember that every time you press the 'Enter' key, you should press it twice.
Some typos and SPAGs (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'husband*,* [and] *with* 2 year old clinging to her skirts*.*'
'angry baby soon to be born *--* I am the angry one'
'caused [his] *the* skin behind *his* ears'
'her anger grew*,* fed by strangers'
'prepare her baby for burial*.* [and] *H*e was brutal*,* taking'
'into a suitcase*,* throwing it over'
'disease of my brother who[m] left before I arrived'
'by the time[r] I was "placed"'
'no use for makeup*.* *M*y 9 sisters were in my eyes all beautiful*.* *M*y favorite'
'My famil*y's* generations'
'filling the world with believers*.* *T*hus a wom*a*n's most important job'
Adrian
Comment Written 04-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Thank you for taking the time to try and help me. I have been fighting my inability to write correctly the story I have to tell. This problem takes over and stops my writing. I have taken classes to improve this but seem to always fight it, I am OCD but refuse to give in.
I am carefully reading and working to apply your help.
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Thank you for explaining. Good luck.
Adrian
Comment from Pyrrho
" ... brother whom left before I arrived. ... whom, who ... whatever sounds correct is correct and 'who" is correct here, grammatical rules be damned.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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" ... brother whom left before I arrived. ... whom, who ... whatever sounds correct is correct and 'who" is correct here, grammatical rules be damned.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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I so much appreciate people like you and your help.
Thank you
Comment from scd41
Your story gives a chilling account of how women are treated in some societies. It is shocking poverty your Dad had witnessed. 'He talked of children starving and of giving native women shirts because they wore only grass skirts. He was shocked to see them wearing shirts with holes cut out for breasts to be exposed.' I could not grasp the meaning of your concluding line 'He lost his planned way of life when he died, coming back to an unfamiliar world.'
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Your story gives a chilling account of how women are treated in some societies. It is shocking poverty your Dad had witnessed. 'He talked of children starving and of giving native women shirts because they wore only grass skirts. He was shocked to see them wearing shirts with holes cut out for breasts to be exposed.' I could not grasp the meaning of your concluding line 'He lost his planned way of life when he died, coming back to an unfamiliar world.'
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Sorry about the confusion, I have a complete life of many shocking stories and sometimes I cannon separate them properly.
My father was in an accident when I was five, He was pronounced dead but his heart started beating thirty minutes later. His entire brain was rewired so he lost much of who he was.
