Sometimes Roses, Sometimes Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Lighthouse In the Dark"A collection of sonnets
10 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
Vivid imagery that enhances the meaning of the poem. The reader feels the emotion of the couple, much like a story in poem form. The format is excellent.
The story is told well and the reader can visualize and feel empathy for their situation.
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Vivid imagery that enhances the meaning of the poem. The reader feels the emotion of the couple, much like a story in poem form. The format is excellent.
The story is told well and the reader can visualize and feel empathy for their situation.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2015
Comment from adewpearl
solid rhyming in the characteristic pattern of the English sonnet
good steady use of iambic meter and enjambment
good touches of alliteration like in lost love
and others
effective turn in line nine
soulful expression of emotion throughout
excellent lighthouse imagery in your upbeat, hopeful closing couplet
Brooke
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solid rhyming in the characteristic pattern of the English sonnet
good steady use of iambic meter and enjambment
good touches of alliteration like in lost love
and others
effective turn in line nine
soulful expression of emotion throughout
excellent lighthouse imagery in your upbeat, hopeful closing couplet
Brooke
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
Comment from nordicgirl
The technical aspects of this are flawless. It reads beautifully. I love the theme and story as well. The phrasing is just perfection. It doesn't get any better than this. Well done.
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The technical aspects of this are flawless. It reads beautifully. I love the theme and story as well. The phrasing is just perfection. It doesn't get any better than this. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
Comment from Finglas
Very nicely done. Your language and imagery evokes a great sense of an era long since gone. Good luck in the competition.
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Very nicely done. Your language and imagery evokes a great sense of an era long since gone. Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
Comment from RichardFann
I'll give this six stars.
It's like a Shakespeare sonnet.
I read it ten times and still cannot understand it.
But in the attempt I learn something about life and about myself. As explained in the Country Song 'Chattahoochee' or something like that. Cannot remember it too well. But it's about some youths going to play down by the river.
Back to this sonnet.
I cannot work out if she's drowned; or if he's sad about splitting up; or if he is about to commit suicide by drowning himself in the sea; or if all turned out happily in the end. Conundrum. Or conundrums woven into complex puzzles laced with perplexities.
What I do like is that after reading it ten times, I still don't understand it, so it must be a great poem.
Possibly sonnets are intended to have a triplicate of devious layers of conundrum, and that main aim is to prevent yourself collapsing from brain exhaustion after the fifth reading.
ie to survive the reading of it is more important than the understanding of it.
How could this sonnet be improved? you may be trying to ask me.
Well, I certainly would not try to clarify what the story is about. The whole point is that there are a multitude, possibly four or five thousand, meanings. The point is to go boldly and explore some of them. And not to be given a map at outset with a cross of where the treasure is buried. Where's the fun of that?
Where's the challenge of being given a Bill Gates #1 fortune, so that you don't have to work or write ever again. Such die of boredom, or they kill those around them with being associated with abject pointlessness.
So to conclude, and I always like to end with a conclusion, I think this should win a prize. And if it's baffled you like it's baffled me, I'm sure you will agree.
On the other hand, if you experienced judges can see this sonnet crystal clear, it just goes to show why you are a judge and me not. Congratulations to you. Have a sip of champagne.
reply by RichardFann on 04-Mar-2015
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I'll give this six stars.
It's like a Shakespeare sonnet.
I read it ten times and still cannot understand it.
But in the attempt I learn something about life and about myself. As explained in the Country Song 'Chattahoochee' or something like that. Cannot remember it too well. But it's about some youths going to play down by the river.
Back to this sonnet.
I cannot work out if she's drowned; or if he's sad about splitting up; or if he is about to commit suicide by drowning himself in the sea; or if all turned out happily in the end. Conundrum. Or conundrums woven into complex puzzles laced with perplexities.
What I do like is that after reading it ten times, I still don't understand it, so it must be a great poem.
Possibly sonnets are intended to have a triplicate of devious layers of conundrum, and that main aim is to prevent yourself collapsing from brain exhaustion after the fifth reading.
ie to survive the reading of it is more important than the understanding of it.
How could this sonnet be improved? you may be trying to ask me.
Well, I certainly would not try to clarify what the story is about. The whole point is that there are a multitude, possibly four or five thousand, meanings. The point is to go boldly and explore some of them. And not to be given a map at outset with a cross of where the treasure is buried. Where's the fun of that?
Where's the challenge of being given a Bill Gates #1 fortune, so that you don't have to work or write ever again. Such die of boredom, or they kill those around them with being associated with abject pointlessness.
So to conclude, and I always like to end with a conclusion, I think this should win a prize. And if it's baffled you like it's baffled me, I'm sure you will agree.
On the other hand, if you experienced judges can see this sonnet crystal clear, it just goes to show why you are a judge and me not. Congratulations to you. Have a sip of champagne.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
reply by RichardFann on 04-Mar-2015
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Apologies. I'm embarrassed when I re-read my original review. But I was not able to edit it. So my revised review is below:
I'll give this six stars.
It's like a Shakespeare sonnet.
I read it may times, but couldn?t quite understand it.
I cannot work out if she's drowned; or if he's sad about splitting up; or if he is about to commit suicide by drowning himself in the sea; or if all turned out happily in the end.
So to conclude, I think this should win a prize.
Comment from dmt1967
The picture in black and white, the style of picture as well. Not a photo or a picture, but a cartoon; fits the poem perfectly. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
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The picture in black and white, the style of picture as well. Not a photo or a picture, but a cartoon; fits the poem perfectly. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
Comment from Dawny53
Very nice! The feelings of youth and the passion of young love is clearly felt here in this sonnet.. good strong yet natural rhymes.. a pleasure to read! Good luck wishes to you for this contest..
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Very nice! The feelings of youth and the passion of young love is clearly felt here in this sonnet.. good strong yet natural rhymes.. a pleasure to read! Good luck wishes to you for this contest..
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
Comment from Lylise
This post is the perfect marriage of moving artwork framing a haunting sonnet. Emotions are clear and run the gamut. Meter is spot on. You've told an elegant story here and this will be a strong contender in this contest. Well done. Lynda
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This post is the perfect marriage of moving artwork framing a haunting sonnet. Emotions are clear and run the gamut. Meter is spot on. You've told an elegant story here and this will be a strong contender in this contest. Well done. Lynda
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
Comment from giraffmang
Hello there,
This is a very well constructed sonnet which should do well within the competition.
Some lovely imagery at play and I like the metaphor of the lighthouse as the beacon.
GMG
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Hello there,
This is a very well constructed sonnet which should do well within the competition.
Some lovely imagery at play and I like the metaphor of the lighthouse as the beacon.
GMG
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
Comment from Jacob Collins
A beautiful piece of writing. I have never heard of the phrase: joie de vivre before so I will have to look it up. You clearly captured the essence of youth and love between these two people. Your writing flowed well and I couldn't find any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
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A beautiful piece of writing. I have never heard of the phrase: joie de vivre before so I will have to look it up. You clearly captured the essence of youth and love between these two people. Your writing flowed well and I couldn't find any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
