~ SHOT AT DAWN ~ ~ Almost A Hero~
Story five...30 total reviews
Comment from NomaFaith
My favorite lines are:
The Private laughed as only a drunk could: loud and uncontrolled, "Haah!--Haah!--Haah!" He spat the words, "You should see me when I'm sober!"
I can't figure out whether I actually like him or dislike him. Interesting character. Great imagery.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2015
  |
My favorite lines are:
The Private laughed as only a drunk could: loud and uncontrolled, "Haah!--Haah!--Haah!" He spat the words, "You should see me when I'm sober!"
I can't figure out whether I actually like him or dislike him. Interesting character. Great imagery.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2015
-
Thank you NormaFaith, for your kind review.
I can assure you that you would not like him if you saw him. The character is based on a real live Pysco living at the moment under Her Majesty s Pleasure. Never to be released.
Within the constraints of Fanstory I showed just a little of what this talented killer was capable of.
:) mel.
Comment from emrpoems
Great chapter with lots of excitement
Good use of natural dialogue
good use of narrative
Well defined characters
Held the reader's attention right through
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2015
 |
Great chapter with lots of excitement
Good use of natural dialogue
good use of narrative
Well defined characters
Held the reader's attention right through
Comment Written 09-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2015
-
Thank you emrpoems, for your kind review.
Mel.
Comment from Dean Kuch
"Tellbe me about last night, Harris."---->"Tell me about last night, Harris."
Harris certainly sounds like a guy you'd be very happy to have on your side rather than as an enemy. In fact, this entire chapter had sort of a Quentin Tarantino's "Inglorious Bastards" feel to it.
What choice did Harris have, really? Captain Parker made it quite clear -- become a murderous psycho and dispatch Germans with extreme prejudice, or face a firing squad as a deserter? I would opt for psychopath any day of the week myself.
Another very well written and exciting chapter, Mel.
I only saw the one minor error, which I made a note of for you above.
~Dean
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2015
|
"Tell
Harris certainly sounds like a guy you'd be very happy to have on your side rather than as an enemy. In fact, this entire chapter had sort of a Quentin Tarantino's "Inglorious Bastards" feel to it.
What choice did Harris have, really? Captain Parker made it quite clear -- become a murderous psycho and dispatch Germans with extreme prejudice, or face a firing squad as a deserter? I would opt for psychopath any day of the week myself.
Another very well written and exciting chapter, Mel.
I only saw the one minor error, which I made a note of for you above.
~Dean
Comment Written 09-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2015
-
Hi Dean,
Yes, I don't know how I missed that one.
The Harris character is based on a TV program about Psychopaths. This particular multiple murderer interviewed, looked what he was▬a madman▬quite scary really. He admitted on camera that what you saw was what he was. He said."How can I be any different looking like this."
He could of course afford to go looking for sympathy with no death penalty to worry about. You have to be very careful with these characters they try to influence people and sometimes succeed. This happened over here in the 1980s with a certain Lord Longford who championed the release of some of these characters.
Harris was of course a murderous psycho, before, being sanctioned to hone his skill on the unfortunate German army. I enjoyed writing this and could have written a lot more. But this is Fanstory (keep it short).
I appreciate your review as always, and am pleased you found my chapter exciting.
:) Mel.
-
If I had a nickle for every mistake I neglected to catch, I be sitting on a white sandy beach somewhere in Australia instead of here, banging away at my laptop, Mel, heh-heh...
You are more than welcome, my friend.
-
Hope you're feeling better now, you said that you had been feeling unwell.
Murder by moonlight "The Bondi Butcher," I can just see it my friend. LOL.
:)Mel.
-
Heh-heh-heh... :}
-
I am, thanks, Mel. :)
Comment from Caroline Yego
wow! I like the narration,it is captivating. The dialogue is great and the descriptions are exquisite.
Excellent work.
Carol
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2015
|
wow! I like the narration,it is captivating. The dialogue is great and the descriptions are exquisite.
Excellent work.
Carol
Comment Written 09-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2015
-
Thank you so much Carol, for your kind review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
:) Mel.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
write hand blue:
I always find it amazing how it seems those who seem
to have the easiest time of taking the lives of others get
so queasy and upset when their time is up.
thanks for sharing
jan
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2015
|
write hand blue:
I always find it amazing how it seems those who seem
to have the easiest time of taking the lives of others get
so queasy and upset when their time is up.
thanks for sharing
jan
Comment Written 08-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2015
-
Thank you Jan, yes this is the territory of the psychopath who cares for no-one but themselves.
:) Mel.
Comment from Ben Colder
Enjoyed this write very much. Typically it seems for some. It brought to mind Eddie Slovat, Shot because he ran into battle along with his entire division. The poor guy was the only one made an example. Eisenhower blunders.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2015
|
Enjoyed this write very much. Typically it seems for some. It brought to mind Eddie Slovat, Shot because he ran into battle along with his entire division. The poor guy was the only one made an example. Eisenhower blunders.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2015
-
Thank you Ben, for your kind review and interesting comment.
:) Mel.
Comment from Cat of Letters
Hi Mel,
The character of Harris is really well drawn in this piece.
I rather do feel sorry for him being executed, though he is a nasty piece of works, and murdered the other soldier. But not nearly as sorry as for many of the other poor blighters who had done nothing of the sort.
He would have been more useful being redeployed against the Germans, but he seems indiscriminately murderous.
He is a great character. Not a nice one, but you have captured him perfectly. Again with the little touches you are so good at. The cut throat razor.
Wonderful story. I'd give you a 6 but I'm out.
Best wishes,
Alison
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
|
Hi Mel,
The character of Harris is really well drawn in this piece.
I rather do feel sorry for him being executed, though he is a nasty piece of works, and murdered the other soldier. But not nearly as sorry as for many of the other poor blighters who had done nothing of the sort.
He would have been more useful being redeployed against the Germans, but he seems indiscriminately murderous.
He is a great character. Not a nice one, but you have captured him perfectly. Again with the little touches you are so good at. The cut throat razor.
Wonderful story. I'd give you a 6 but I'm out.
Best wishes,
Alison
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
-
Hi Alison, thank you for your kind review.
This is one character I feel no sympathy for. I took his character from a program about real Psychopaths. This man (a multiple murderer) looked what he was. He admitted on camera that what you saw was what he was. "How can I be any different looking like this," he said.
He could afford to go looking for sympathy with no death penalty to worry about. Another one wished that there was. He looked for sympathy too. You have to be very careful with these characters they try to influence people and sometimes succeed. They can be devious and clever.
A six is like hen's teeth a long forgotten dream. LOL.
Jess is shaking her head.
:) Mel.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
War is horrible regardless of what it is about. Men who fight them do dreadful things and are expected to come home unscathed. It doesn't work like that. You have written a really good story here. I enjoyed it a lot. :) Sandra.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
|
War is horrible regardless of what it is about. Men who fight them do dreadful things and are expected to come home unscathed. It doesn't work like that. You have written a really good story here. I enjoyed it a lot. :) Sandra.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
-
Thank you Sandra, for your kind review. I'm glad you enjoyed my story.
:) Mel.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You are doing a very good job of writing this. War is horrible, always has been and always will be. I fail to see how we can expect young men to go to war and come back unblemished. It makes no sense.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
|
You are doing a very good job of writing this. War is horrible, always has been and always will be. I fail to see how we can expect young men to go to war and come back unblemished. It makes no sense.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
-
Thank you Barbara, for your kind review and for your encouraging words.
:) Mel.
Comment from Drew Delaney
paying Solitaire. - playing
"It's just way I am--Sir!" - IT'S JUST THE way I am
how simple is to climb - it is to climb
Clean up the nits, and let me know. I will change to 5 stars when done. Drew
BTS, the story is well worth the read.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
|
paying Solitaire. - playing
"It's just way I am--Sir!" - IT'S JUST THE way I am
how simple is to climb - it is to climb
Clean up the nits, and let me know. I will change to 5 stars when done. Drew
BTS, the story is well worth the read.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
-
Thank you Drew, for taking the time and pointing out those errors.
They and many others have been seen to.
:) mel.
