No Happy Endings
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Part One: Business Or Pleasure"The first book of the Global Covenant saga.
19 total reviews
Comment from Drew Delaney
"He's a businessman," - period rather than a comma
The word unbeknownst does not seem to fit in this type of scene. But the rest works for me. You have great dialogue going on, and the storyline draws me in already. Well written. Drew
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
  |
"He's a businessman," - period rather than a comma
The word unbeknownst does not seem to fit in this type of scene. But the rest works for me. You have great dialogue going on, and the storyline draws me in already. Well written. Drew
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
-
Thank you for the correction and very encouraging words Drew! Your time is always very appreciated.
Thanks again and best wishes,
-D.H
Comment from Gloria ....
September genuinely is a grab bag of surprises isn't it? Love the segue into humanity.
Good description of movement and the dialogue does its job carrying the story along.
I didn't know Calvin Klein has a marijuana scent knockoff. Ha. ;-)
as she began to put pressure on the part of a man he prizes most. That would be his wallet, right? No? Sorry I know what you meant.
I like first person past tense. It does bring immediacy to story telling.
Nice writing Dopeless. Looking forward to more. Take it easy on the adjectives.
Gloria
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
|
September genuinely is a grab bag of surprises isn't it? Love the segue into humanity.
Good description of movement and the dialogue does its job carrying the story along.
I didn't know Calvin Klein has a marijuana scent knockoff. Ha. ;-)
as she began to put pressure on the part of a man he prizes most. That would be his wallet, right? No? Sorry I know what you meant.
I like first person past tense. It does bring immediacy to story telling.
Nice writing Dopeless. Looking forward to more. Take it easy on the adjectives.
Gloria
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
-
Thank you for the excellent rating and encouraging words! I appreciate your time very much!
Best wishes,
-D.H
Comment from Sloegin
You have a great beginning here. Lots of unanswered questions. Makes one want to keep reading.
I find no verbiage to remove and your dialogue is good.
No description of the room he has breakfast in leaves the scene a little flat. I know nothing about Cassandra, except she has a stain on her jeans.
I like the way you ended the post; setting a barricade in front of the two right in the beginning. Well done.
Keep writing.
Sloegin
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
|
You have a great beginning here. Lots of unanswered questions. Makes one want to keep reading.
I find no verbiage to remove and your dialogue is good.
No description of the room he has breakfast in leaves the scene a little flat. I know nothing about Cassandra, except she has a stain on her jeans.
I like the way you ended the post; setting a barricade in front of the two right in the beginning. Well done.
Keep writing.
Sloegin
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
-
Thank you for your excellent rating and useful suggestions. I appreciate your time and effort!
Thanks again,
-D.H
Comment from Herkjv1611
I love this kind of story, the background, the elements and the title itself suggest many solid factors or blocks on business or pleasure. Now I would gladly read and wait on the foregoing episodes.I will understand the whole thing. Thank you so much.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
 |
I love this kind of story, the background, the elements and the title itself suggest many solid factors or blocks on business or pleasure. Now I would gladly read and wait on the foregoing episodes.I will understand the whole thing. Thank you so much.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
-
Thank you so much for the exceptional rating and wonderfully encouraging words!
-D.H
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi dopehope,
It sounds as if Cassandra or Sassa, has a nose for those who use 'grass' or Kevin has smoked it in his hoodie or been in company that has. Silly idiot.
Good start to the book, and a good hook to leave the reader with - wondering what is about to happen to Kevin in any confrontation with the 'Middle Eastern' gent ...
Patrick
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
|
Hi dopehope,
It sounds as if Cassandra or Sassa, has a nose for those who use 'grass' or Kevin has smoked it in his hoodie or been in company that has. Silly idiot.
Good start to the book, and a good hook to leave the reader with - wondering what is about to happen to Kevin in any confrontation with the 'Middle Eastern' gent ...
Patrick
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
-
Thank you for your excellent rating and time, Patrick. I always appreciate what you have to say. I hope the hook was good enough to draw you back for part two of chapter one!
Thanks again friend,
-D.H
Comment from Boyce Robbins
I really like your writing. You build suspense skillfully and your descriptions ring true. I do think there's one error- you wrote settling when I believe you meant unsettling. It's skillful, in my opinion, to leave the description of Cassandra to a minimum and allow the reader to form their own picture of her. Good story and well done.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
|
I really like your writing. You build suspense skillfully and your descriptions ring true. I do think there's one error- you wrote settling when I believe you meant unsettling. It's skillful, in my opinion, to leave the description of Cassandra to a minimum and allow the reader to form their own picture of her. Good story and well done.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
-
Thank you very much Boyce, for your excellent rating and supportive words. If it is the area "Settling" is thart I am thinking about, it's meant to be there =] Kevin has a thing for Cassandra and even through her unappealing attitude, it still appeals to him!
Thanks again for taking your time to review my work and I hope to see you back!
-D.H
Comment from thee-name
Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Keep on writing.
SEPTEMBER IS AN ODD MONTH, ESPECIALLY IN THE NORTH EAST.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
|
Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Keep on writing.
SEPTEMBER IS AN ODD MONTH, ESPECIALLY IN THE NORTH EAST.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
-
Thank you for your kind words and excellent rating.
-
THANK YOU!
Comment from Zue65
Well the dialogue between Kevin and Cassandra was really intriguing and gave us clues as to the kind of humans, these two important characters are in your story. The lost Dad is an effective conflict which serve as the pivot that will help progress your story line. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
|
Well the dialogue between Kevin and Cassandra was really intriguing and gave us clues as to the kind of humans, these two important characters are in your story. The lost Dad is an effective conflict which serve as the pivot that will help progress your story line. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
-
Thank you very much for your excellent rating and kind words. I look forward to hearing your take on future chapters!
Best wishes,
-D.H
Comment from MusingsOfMWH
Your writing rates the six-star designation, and that's exactly what I would use for "Part 1: Business or Pleasure" if I had any of them left in my allotment, allowance, or whatever it is. Kevin's edgy, insubordinate, and sharp-tongued conversation with his mother brought about from his worry over his father was entirely credible given the circumstances you set up for your protagonist, and that incident with Cass--um--Sasa sparked intrigue for readers who are just as drawn to the rather-abrasive-but-gorgeous mysterious brunette as Kevin is.
Frankly, the only minor problem I found in this excerpt you posted was that once Cheerios wasn't capitalized. That's it. And I suspect the only reason I spotted that was because it's a breakfast cereal, I didn't have breakfast today, and now I've realized I'm hungry.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
|
Your writing rates the six-star designation, and that's exactly what I would use for "Part 1: Business or Pleasure" if I had any of them left in my allotment, allowance, or whatever it is. Kevin's edgy, insubordinate, and sharp-tongued conversation with his mother brought about from his worry over his father was entirely credible given the circumstances you set up for your protagonist, and that incident with Cass--um--Sasa sparked intrigue for readers who are just as drawn to the rather-abrasive-but-gorgeous mysterious brunette as Kevin is.
Frankly, the only minor problem I found in this excerpt you posted was that once Cheerios wasn't capitalized. That's it. And I suspect the only reason I spotted that was because it's a breakfast cereal, I didn't have breakfast today, and now I've realized I'm hungry.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
-
Thank you so much for your excellent rating and even kinder words. I appreciate it very much, you have no idea how much it means! Thank's again and again.
I'll fix Cheerios right away :)
Thanks again, best wishes,
-D.H
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 1 of the book No Happy Endings Kevin meets Cassandra for the first time. "Part One: Business Or Pleasure" This is as good a chapter as the prologue was and I enjoyed the read. Well done.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
|
Chapter 1 of the book No Happy Endings Kevin meets Cassandra for the first time. "Part One: Business Or Pleasure" This is as good a chapter as the prologue was and I enjoyed the read. Well done.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
-
Thank you again chasennov, your repeated reviews and excellent ratings are much much appreciated.
Best wishes,
-D.H
-
You are welcome, D.H.
