No Happy Endings
Viewing comments for Prologue "More Than A Feeling"The first book of the Global Covenant saga.
23 total reviews
Comment from Jim Wile
This was quite an impressive and beautifully written prologue to your story, written with a very literary style, which I enjoyed. You have a great way with words with passages like: "She had the most mysterious, oceanic blue eyes that could both sail right through you or stop you dead and drop anchor flat onto your heart. It was a stare that could send a wave that ripples down your back and then soften, and make your shoulders fall like bricks to the bottom of the sea." What a beautiful description. I also loved your final two sentences, which leave us with a sense that something rather astonishing is coming.
A couple of questions and comments:
Was there a reason you never mention the name of your protagonist in the prologue? Will Cassandra's (Sasa's?) parts be in third person while the rest is in first person? Would there be an advantage, perhaps, to put her part in a different font to distinguish it as different?
The first part before the mention of Sep. 3, 2001 left me a little cold because it was so cryptic. There was some good philosophizing toward the end of it, but I'm just not sure that was the right place for it when there is no context for it yet.
The rest blew me away though, especially your command of language. My style is more commercial, but I am envious of those who can write like you do. I look forward to more, D.H.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2025
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This was quite an impressive and beautifully written prologue to your story, written with a very literary style, which I enjoyed. You have a great way with words with passages like: "She had the most mysterious, oceanic blue eyes that could both sail right through you or stop you dead and drop anchor flat onto your heart. It was a stare that could send a wave that ripples down your back and then soften, and make your shoulders fall like bricks to the bottom of the sea." What a beautiful description. I also loved your final two sentences, which leave us with a sense that something rather astonishing is coming.
A couple of questions and comments:
Was there a reason you never mention the name of your protagonist in the prologue? Will Cassandra's (Sasa's?) parts be in third person while the rest is in first person? Would there be an advantage, perhaps, to put her part in a different font to distinguish it as different?
The first part before the mention of Sep. 3, 2001 left me a little cold because it was so cryptic. There was some good philosophizing toward the end of it, but I'm just not sure that was the right place for it when there is no context for it yet.
The rest blew me away though, especially your command of language. My style is more commercial, but I am envious of those who can write like you do. I look forward to more, D.H.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2025
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Thank you for this wonderful review and the sacred sixth star Jim! I'm infinitely grateful. Unfortunately, I never continued the journey these characters were going to embark on, and I still have countless pages of plot outline for this series that has lay dormant. I may return to it one day, but I am fully absorbed in 10th century Briton at the moment with my fanfic continuation of The Saxon Stories by Bernard Cornwell.
To try and field your questions to the best of my ability, the plan was Sasa's perspective was purely introductory, as the two meet in the chapter following so it becomes unnecessary.
I am so very grateful for your kind words about my style of writing, it's heavily influenced by many of my favorite books. Thank you again for delivering such a detailed and kind review. I hope one day I do get back to this one, I had a ton of twists and turns planned!
Eternally grateful of your time,
-D.H
Comment from Jean Lutz
Spellbinding. Prose poured out in poetic phrases. Stirred memories of love that was separated by language barrier -- the one thing we communicated was that we were both Christians. You have me hooked on your writing.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Spellbinding. Prose poured out in poetic phrases. Stirred memories of love that was separated by language barrier -- the one thing we communicated was that we were both Christians. You have me hooked on your writing.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thank you Jean for your excellent rating kind words and interpretations. I look forward to reading more of your work as well!
-D.H
Comment from K. Lorraine
Becoming committed to reading an entire novel is a huge responsibility with all of the other things that are constantly bombarding its FS members. I have so much on my plate that I'm not making any promises to continue with your story, but I will say that you kept my attention so far as the story has just started. I think the plot sounds intriguing and Cassandra's character is already showing some growth. Keep up the good work and we'll see what happens as you post more of your novel. Thank you for sharing your literary talents... K. Lorraine
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Becoming committed to reading an entire novel is a huge responsibility with all of the other things that are constantly bombarding its FS members. I have so much on my plate that I'm not making any promises to continue with your story, but I will say that you kept my attention so far as the story has just started. I think the plot sounds intriguing and Cassandra's character is already showing some growth. Keep up the good work and we'll see what happens as you post more of your novel. Thank you for sharing your literary talents... K. Lorraine
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Thank you so much for your kind words and excellent rating! I understand such responsibility and I understand if you cannot continue to read, or at least immediately upon release. I do look forward to hearing your thoughts in the future, and I am still most gracious that you took your time to read in the first place!
Thank you again, and best wishes,
-D.H
Comment from smudge
The introduction is very well written. It is very descriptive and puts down the foundations of your story. A well presented posting.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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The introduction is very well written. It is very descriptive and puts down the foundations of your story. A well presented posting.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Thank you very much for your excellent rating and encouraging words.
Best wishes,
-D.H
Comment from thee-name
Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Keep on writing.
"IN WHICH MONENT DID THIS BECOME ALL ABOUT YOU?"SASA SAID, AS HER PALMS ROSE UPWARDS FROM HER SIDES, A MOTION I EVENTUALLY LEARNED GAUGED HER AGGRAVATION.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Keep on writing.
"IN WHICH MONENT DID THIS BECOME ALL ABOUT YOU?"SASA SAID, AS HER PALMS ROSE UPWARDS FROM HER SIDES, A MOTION I EVENTUALLY LEARNED GAUGED HER AGGRAVATION.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Thank you!
-D.H
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THANK YOU!
Comment from Starlight's Edge
Hi,
I liked to know both characters, and you showed well that Kevin's father had a special profession.
Also that Cassandra was a special girl in some way.
Surely Kevin will want to know what happened to his father one day.
It is well written and has an engaging plot from the beginning.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Hi,
I liked to know both characters, and you showed well that Kevin's father had a special profession.
Also that Cassandra was a special girl in some way.
Surely Kevin will want to know what happened to his father one day.
It is well written and has an engaging plot from the beginning.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Thank you very much for your time, excellent rating and encouraging words Starlight.
Much appreciated!
-D.H
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Dopeless Hopefiend:
I believe it was wise for you to introduce Cassandra
in your prologue, especially since you noted early
she is going to be an essential character in this novel.
I gave this a six because I think you did an excellent
job of describing Kevin's emotions, particularly as
they dealt with September 2nd & 3rd as well as those
of his mother.
I look forward to following this novel.
jan
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Dopeless Hopefiend:
I believe it was wise for you to introduce Cassandra
in your prologue, especially since you noted early
she is going to be an essential character in this novel.
I gave this a six because I think you did an excellent
job of describing Kevin's emotions, particularly as
they dealt with September 2nd & 3rd as well as those
of his mother.
I look forward to following this novel.
jan
Comment Written 21-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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I am delighted you enjoyed it so much, and I can't thank you enough for your ever so generous six star rating. I will try:
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you
I am working on part one of chapter one as we speak, and it should be ready for release the moment this one is taken off the active list. Thank you a hundred times more for your exceptional rating, wonderful review, and your time.
Best of wishes,
-D.H
PS: I am touched that you added yourself as a fan of mine. I hope to not disappoint!
Comment from MelB
It is a good story and I look forward to reading more of it. The only suggestion I can make is to break it up into a little bit shorter paragraphs. It will be easier to follow that way, especially when the eyes get tired from doing a lot of reviewing.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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It is a good story and I look forward to reading more of it. The only suggestion I can make is to break it up into a little bit shorter paragraphs. It will be easier to follow that way, especially when the eyes get tired from doing a lot of reviewing.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Thank you Mel, for the kind words and excellent review. If there is anything I have learned from these reviews, it is to break up the paragraphs. I promise next chapter it won't be an issue ;)
Thanks again, best wishes,
-D.H
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I got busted for it too:)
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I got busted for it too:)
Comment from kittykatnoel
When my father never returned home from work on September the 2nd, I laid in my bed all that night gazing out the window at the flickering headlights of cars passing. I watched, (I think you mean "lay" in this sentence).
Wonderful story, well written, engaging. Is the character in the prologue also Cassandra? I particularly enjoy how each character is so different and well developed. It is a skill that I hope to learn and use in my own writing. Thank you for sharing your story.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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When my father never returned home from work on September the 2nd, I laid in my bed all that night gazing out the window at the flickering headlights of cars passing. I watched, (I think you mean "lay" in this sentence).
Wonderful story, well written, engaging. Is the character in the prologue also Cassandra? I particularly enjoy how each character is so different and well developed. It is a skill that I hope to learn and use in my own writing. Thank you for sharing your story.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Yes, I will correct that straight away! I did something unorthodox with the prologue and narrated Cassandra's part from the third person, but anything written in first person narration is the main protagonist, Kevin Harley, as the disclaimer at the bottom states. This sort of confusion will be avoided in future chapters because as of right now, there is no plan to switch the point of view again. I just did it in the introduction so you had a clear view of a portion of her personality prior to actually meeting her, and to compliment the contrast between her and Kevin.
Thanks again for your wonderful rating and encouraging words! I hope you continue to read future chapters! Best wishes,
-D.H
Comment from giraffmang
I enjoyed this prologue to 'No Happy Endings'.
You do a good job of introducing the characters and the scene setting is also very good. The use of dialogue is appropriate and sounds authentic. A little wordy at times but that is okay.
A good start. Shall keep an eye out for more.
GMG
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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I enjoyed this prologue to 'No Happy Endings'.
You do a good job of introducing the characters and the scene setting is also very good. The use of dialogue is appropriate and sounds authentic. A little wordy at times but that is okay.
A good start. Shall keep an eye out for more.
GMG
Comment Written 21-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your excellent rating and encouraging words. I appreciate your time. It's an introduction, so I apologize for the wordiness ;)
Thanks again! Best wishes,
-D.H
