Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 61 "The Red Plague Takes Its Toll"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
12 total reviews
Comment from Joe_P
Mike: I can see that you've accomplished much research, and the story and characters pique my interest. This is one heck of a story. I have listed some suggested corrections.
Joe
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Previously, [t]reatment(cap) began on those who had the red spots. A group went [to](prep) the village to assess the [townsfolk]. [At the shelter, they find people in worse shape than they had imagined.](passive) [When they remove the upper garments, they see spots on the torso](passive). Grenadier is [covered] in red spots oozing liquid from their centers. Cicero is also in [pitiable](vague) shape[,] and his treatment begins. He is still adamant that Julia, Florentina and Grenadier are demon[-]possessed. In spite of his accusations and threats, Valerius and the others treat him. We continue now as exhaustive round the clock treatment continues. A report from [the town](article) arrives.
~~~~~~~~Treatment continues
The expected influx from town didn't materialize. Father Travis arrived first. He had accompanied Abramus and the others to town to help inspect the villagers. He turned out to be the most urgently in need of care.
Father Travis reported to Valerius, "The others are without marks, save for myself. Abrams, Petrus, and Cassius are at Trellitia's. [I could not dissuade them](passive). They offer their services. I offer mine as...." Father Travis slumped to the floor. Lourdes and Trellitia rushed to his aid and assisted him to a makeshift bed on the floor.
Valerius, Lourdes[,] and Trellitia moved from person to person treating the sores and encouraging the intake of water as instructed by Valerius.
He stopped to check on Julia. "You must drink water, Julia."
"I have [drunk](verb) more than I wish to for a lifetime." She smiled weakly at his disapproving look. "Very well, I think you enjoy having me at a disadvantage."
Valerius couldn't manage even a slight smile. He inspected her sores. "These are advanced. The evening will find you improving, but you must replenish your fluids."
"I'll be [okay](vague). I feel the strength returning to me. You are [an exceptional](vague) physician, my love. You heal with your heart." She admonished him with her eyes to move along to the next patient.
Grenadier fidgeted. He had only hours before been near lifeless. Now he resisted [the](article) care and being confined to bed. "I am better, truly I am. Can't I at least walk around the room a bit? I could fetch water. I could help. Mother will tell you [that](comma splice) I'm a big help to her in the kitchen. Aren't I mother?"
Adeline gave no response. She lay motionless on the floor[,] and her breathing came in gasps. Lourdes held her head attempting to administer small amounts of water to her. She patted her head with a cool cloth.
Cicero looked up with large eyes at Valerius[,] who loomed above him. "You! [Am I](word order) captive? The soldiers defeated by the demon's chicanery?" He attempted to rise and Valerius easily prevented him.
"It is the red plague. You are ill, Cicero. It has been suggested I leave you to die for your evil transgressions. [My oath demands that I tender my skills to you](otherwise undecipherable). May it remind you of your own oath." Valerius did not look with kindness upon him, nor did he regard him with contempt.
"The spots are on you as well." Cicero looked around. "All of these, afflicted as well?"
"Indeed. [The plague has infected everyone](passive). It occurs to me it comes from your village. All from your [community](overuse) bear the marks and [have infected all who have interacted with them] as well. I fear for your village."
"Yes. There was illness in the village. The demon boy brought it upon us. A plague of the Evil One. Father Travis will tell you. A demon I tell ... the boy is here among us! You have brought him in our midst. The two demon girls as well. Fool! Slay them now whilst they are weak. You strengthen them for their evil purpose. Have you no sense, lad?" Cicero fell back mumbling in delirium.
Valerius tended to his sores shaking his head in amazement. He is without sense. Perhaps there are demons. If so, they reside right here within this troubled soul.
~~~~~~~~~Two days later
Valerius finally collapsed having gone without rest for two days. Trellitia had been treating his wounds in spite of his protestations. He had shown improvement[,] and [the spots had abated somewhat]. He simply could go no longer without sleep. Julia had rallied considerably. Her wounds had scabbed over now[,] and her fever had abated. She assisted Trellitia and Lourdes, who had slept for a few hours in the evening.
The sound of digging chilled those still alive inside the shelter. Death had made its inevitable visit. Winston had passed the point of being inconsolable. He sat [motionlessly](adj not adv) with no expression. Only Grenadier remained of his family.
Valerius, Florentina, Cicero[,] and Grenadier were not out of the woods, though they seemed to all be responding to treatment and improving over the last day. Grenadier had shown remarkable resiliency considering the increase in his seizures. With every seizure came the expectation of death. It also brought the cries of Cicero expecting the sudden arrival of Satan to do him in on his sick bed.
Cicero now looked up to see Julia kneeling by his side applying medicine to his sores. "It surprises me to say the least to find you tending to me. I would have you before the council for cleansing."
"Yes, me, the little girl, the young man who fights for his life, even the priest who mentored you in the ways of the Lord. Do you feel you have learned well what [I have taught you](passive)? Is your heart pure and receptive to teaching? I have read where Jesus spoke of a man pure enough to cast the first stone at a sinful woman. Are you such a man? Or are you a lowly sinner like those you accuse?"
"Perhaps I am lower. A seat on the council in Constantinople held great appeal to me. Well, as I face death in the presence of the demons I seek to cleanse, I find I am [a](art) demon and they the saints doing the work of the Lord by deed. My words, loud and clumsy, are naught[,] but a racket to toss into a roaring river. Rastavius saw the weakness in me and found a ready ally as he did in Leopold. Travis tried to speak sense to me, but [I did not listen](passive)."
"To learn is to find wisdom to teach. It is all gain if you pass on what you have learned. Now, I must tend to the others. You seem on the road to recovery. Your sores close now. It is [a](art) sign of recovery."
Cicero clasped her wrist gently. "Thank you child ... for all you have done."
Grenadier began to seize again. Julia rushed to his side. Trellitia beat her there and greeted her. "Perhaps the fever causes the shaking and contortions to increase. Look though, the sores improve". She pulled the blanket back[,] and Julia observed that several sores had scabbed over.
Julia pulled the blanket back over him and held his arm to prevent it from striking the floor. His seizure stopped[,] and he mumbled words she didn't understand. She responded nonetheless, "You're okay now. Just a convulsion as you have had before. You are improving. I think you will recover fully."
His eyes regained focus. "Mother?"
Julia didn't hesitate. "She's gone, Grenadier. Your sister, Noreen as well. Your father has survived. It is just the two of you now. He is distraught. You must be strong for him. Do you understand?"
He shook his head solemnly. "Yes, I must think of him now. It is always me that is being considered and looked after(you should reword this sentence, so it doesn't end with a preposition). It is my turn to be the one who does the looking after."
Julia squeezed his hand. "We will all look out for each other. We are all like family now."
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Mike: I can see that you've accomplished much research, and the story and characters pique my interest. This is one heck of a story. I have listed some suggested corrections.
Joe
------------------------
Previously, [t]reatment(cap) began on those who had the red spots. A group went [to](prep) the village to assess the [townsfolk]. [At the shelter, they find people in worse shape than they had imagined.](passive) [When they remove the upper garments, they see spots on the torso](passive). Grenadier is [covered] in red spots oozing liquid from their centers. Cicero is also in [pitiable](vague) shape[,] and his treatment begins. He is still adamant that Julia, Florentina and Grenadier are demon[-]possessed. In spite of his accusations and threats, Valerius and the others treat him. We continue now as exhaustive round the clock treatment continues. A report from [the town](article) arrives.
~~~~~~~~Treatment continues
The expected influx from town didn't materialize. Father Travis arrived first. He had accompanied Abramus and the others to town to help inspect the villagers. He turned out to be the most urgently in need of care.
Father Travis reported to Valerius, "The others are without marks, save for myself. Abrams, Petrus, and Cassius are at Trellitia's. [I could not dissuade them](passive). They offer their services. I offer mine as...." Father Travis slumped to the floor. Lourdes and Trellitia rushed to his aid and assisted him to a makeshift bed on the floor.
Valerius, Lourdes[,] and Trellitia moved from person to person treating the sores and encouraging the intake of water as instructed by Valerius.
He stopped to check on Julia. "You must drink water, Julia."
"I have [drunk](verb) more than I wish to for a lifetime." She smiled weakly at his disapproving look. "Very well, I think you enjoy having me at a disadvantage."
Valerius couldn't manage even a slight smile. He inspected her sores. "These are advanced. The evening will find you improving, but you must replenish your fluids."
"I'll be [okay](vague). I feel the strength returning to me. You are [an exceptional](vague) physician, my love. You heal with your heart." She admonished him with her eyes to move along to the next patient.
Grenadier fidgeted. He had only hours before been near lifeless. Now he resisted [the](article) care and being confined to bed. "I am better, truly I am. Can't I at least walk around the room a bit? I could fetch water. I could help. Mother will tell you [that](comma splice) I'm a big help to her in the kitchen. Aren't I mother?"
Adeline gave no response. She lay motionless on the floor[,] and her breathing came in gasps. Lourdes held her head attempting to administer small amounts of water to her. She patted her head with a cool cloth.
Cicero looked up with large eyes at Valerius[,] who loomed above him. "You! [Am I](word order) captive? The soldiers defeated by the demon's chicanery?" He attempted to rise and Valerius easily prevented him.
"It is the red plague. You are ill, Cicero. It has been suggested I leave you to die for your evil transgressions. [My oath demands that I tender my skills to you](otherwise undecipherable). May it remind you of your own oath." Valerius did not look with kindness upon him, nor did he regard him with contempt.
"The spots are on you as well." Cicero looked around. "All of these, afflicted as well?"
"Indeed. [The plague has infected everyone](passive). It occurs to me it comes from your village. All from your [community](overuse) bear the marks and [have infected all who have interacted with them] as well. I fear for your village."
"Yes. There was illness in the village. The demon boy brought it upon us. A plague of the Evil One. Father Travis will tell you. A demon I tell ... the boy is here among us! You have brought him in our midst. The two demon girls as well. Fool! Slay them now whilst they are weak. You strengthen them for their evil purpose. Have you no sense, lad?" Cicero fell back mumbling in delirium.
Valerius tended to his sores shaking his head in amazement. He is without sense. Perhaps there are demons. If so, they reside right here within this troubled soul.
~~~~~~~~~Two days later
Valerius finally collapsed having gone without rest for two days. Trellitia had been treating his wounds in spite of his protestations. He had shown improvement[,] and [the spots had abated somewhat]. He simply could go no longer without sleep. Julia had rallied considerably. Her wounds had scabbed over now[,] and her fever had abated. She assisted Trellitia and Lourdes, who had slept for a few hours in the evening.
The sound of digging chilled those still alive inside the shelter. Death had made its inevitable visit. Winston had passed the point of being inconsolable. He sat [motionlessly](adj not adv) with no expression. Only Grenadier remained of his family.
Valerius, Florentina, Cicero[,] and Grenadier were not out of the woods, though they seemed to all be responding to treatment and improving over the last day. Grenadier had shown remarkable resiliency considering the increase in his seizures. With every seizure came the expectation of death. It also brought the cries of Cicero expecting the sudden arrival of Satan to do him in on his sick bed.
Cicero now looked up to see Julia kneeling by his side applying medicine to his sores. "It surprises me to say the least to find you tending to me. I would have you before the council for cleansing."
"Yes, me, the little girl, the young man who fights for his life, even the priest who mentored you in the ways of the Lord. Do you feel you have learned well what [I have taught you](passive)? Is your heart pure and receptive to teaching? I have read where Jesus spoke of a man pure enough to cast the first stone at a sinful woman. Are you such a man? Or are you a lowly sinner like those you accuse?"
"Perhaps I am lower. A seat on the council in Constantinople held great appeal to me. Well, as I face death in the presence of the demons I seek to cleanse, I find I am [a](art) demon and they the saints doing the work of the Lord by deed. My words, loud and clumsy, are naught[,] but a racket to toss into a roaring river. Rastavius saw the weakness in me and found a ready ally as he did in Leopold. Travis tried to speak sense to me, but [I did not listen](passive)."
"To learn is to find wisdom to teach. It is all gain if you pass on what you have learned. Now, I must tend to the others. You seem on the road to recovery. Your sores close now. It is [a](art) sign of recovery."
Cicero clasped her wrist gently. "Thank you child ... for all you have done."
Grenadier began to seize again. Julia rushed to his side. Trellitia beat her there and greeted her. "Perhaps the fever causes the shaking and contortions to increase. Look though, the sores improve". She pulled the blanket back[,] and Julia observed that several sores had scabbed over.
Julia pulled the blanket back over him and held his arm to prevent it from striking the floor. His seizure stopped[,] and he mumbled words she didn't understand. She responded nonetheless, "You're okay now. Just a convulsion as you have had before. You are improving. I think you will recover fully."
His eyes regained focus. "Mother?"
Julia didn't hesitate. "She's gone, Grenadier. Your sister, Noreen as well. Your father has survived. It is just the two of you now. He is distraught. You must be strong for him. Do you understand?"
He shook his head solemnly. "Yes, I must think of him now. It is always me that is being considered and looked after(you should reword this sentence, so it doesn't end with a preposition). It is my turn to be the one who does the looking after."
Julia squeezed his hand. "We will all look out for each other. We are all like family now."
Comment Written 24-Dec-2014
Comment from Sasha
Just when I feel there is a moment to pause, you throw another piece of wood onto the fire. The tension is momentous and I anxiously look forward to what comes next. I know Cicero has repented...but I still do not trust him.
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Just when I feel there is a moment to pause, you throw another piece of wood onto the fire. The tension is momentous and I anxiously look forward to what comes next. I know Cicero has repented...but I still do not trust him.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2014
Comment from emrpoems
Good natural characters. Small pox was the cause of death of many. I remember being vaccinated as a young child.
reading your work is a delight. Always holding the reader's interest
Happy Holidays
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Good natural characters. Small pox was the cause of death of many. I remember being vaccinated as a young child.
reading your work is a delight. Always holding the reader's interest
Happy Holidays
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
Comment from Nosha17
I like the way you have handled the medical emergency. The plague is now mostly under control then that beast surfaces again. Your characters continue to charm. Enjoyable as always.
faye
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I like the way you have handled the medical emergency. The plague is now mostly under control then that beast surfaces again. Your characters continue to charm. Enjoyable as always.
faye
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
What? Leopold is alive? And many of the minor Good Guys have died. I'm wondering now if Cicero is only faking it. Might he still possess the "demon-kill" mentality in spite of what he told Julia.
Good chapter, Mikey.
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What? Leopold is alive? And many of the minor Good Guys have died. I'm wondering now if Cicero is only faking it. Might he still possess the "demon-kill" mentality in spite of what he told Julia.
Good chapter, Mikey.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
Comment from Michaelk
You're gonna make me go back and read the chapter where Leo died just to keep you honest aren't you? Don't you go cheating now. No astounding miraculous recovery. I'll be ready. :)
I liked this chapter. It had the feel of an epilogue, but then Cassius came barreling in with his surprising news.
The conversation between Julia and Cicero was awesome. That gave a lot of closure. I have to wonder if he will stick to it or change his mind when the soldiers show up.
Okay, you've got me on the edge of my seat for the next chapter.
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You're gonna make me go back and read the chapter where Leo died just to keep you honest aren't you? Don't you go cheating now. No astounding miraculous recovery. I'll be ready. :)
I liked this chapter. It had the feel of an epilogue, but then Cassius came barreling in with his surprising news.
The conversation between Julia and Cicero was awesome. That gave a lot of closure. I have to wonder if he will stick to it or change his mind when the soldiers show up.
Okay, you've got me on the edge of my seat for the next chapter.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
Comment from seaglass
I thought that evil one was dead. Well we'll just have to give him the pox and finish him off. Great writing. Feels very real.
"Grenadier had only hours before (been) lifeless." (something is not right here?)
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I thought that evil one was dead. Well we'll just have to give him the pox and finish him off. Great writing. Feels very real.
"Grenadier had only hours before (been) lifeless." (something is not right here?)
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
Comment from flylikeaneagle
This story is sweet with people helping each other in hard times. Even the priest, Cicero is seeing his pride and ego had taken over him and he repents. Maybe Cicero will stand up to Leopold. They need prayers and wolves and Julia's military men from the past. How exciting!
Michael, you and Dean, are all over the pages. Take time for yourself with your precious family and celebrate Jesus. Have some tasty treats!
I am reading different poetry writers and trying their style. I liked eecummings when I was in high school. So I wrote two poems like him on my site..."O night divine" and "friends are like rosebuds."
Pleasure knowing you and reading your words.
I think I will start a contest for 2015...feel free to enter.
flylikeaneagle
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This story is sweet with people helping each other in hard times. Even the priest, Cicero is seeing his pride and ego had taken over him and he repents. Maybe Cicero will stand up to Leopold. They need prayers and wolves and Julia's military men from the past. How exciting!
Michael, you and Dean, are all over the pages. Take time for yourself with your precious family and celebrate Jesus. Have some tasty treats!
I am reading different poetry writers and trying their style. I liked eecummings when I was in high school. So I wrote two poems like him on my site..."O night divine" and "friends are like rosebuds."
Pleasure knowing you and reading your words.
I think I will start a contest for 2015...feel free to enter.
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
Comment from CR Delport
Hang on a sec. I thought Leopold was dead? Or is Cassius delirious? Good to hear at least one, Cicero, has finally see the light. Mikey, another great chapter.
Leopold is rides aboard. --- is this deliberate?
Have a great day.
Christelle.
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Hang on a sec. I thought Leopold was dead? Or is Cassius delirious? Good to hear at least one, Cicero, has finally see the light. Mikey, another great chapter.
Leopold is rides aboard. --- is this deliberate?
Have a great day.
Christelle.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
Comment from gypsycaravan
I like the phrase 'sounds of digging' in preference to burying the dead. It is more descriptive. I hope the new Cicero will help in stopping Leopold.
One suggestion:
"Leopold is rides aboard."--something is missing in this statement.
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I like the phrase 'sounds of digging' in preference to burying the dead. It is more descriptive. I hope the new Cicero will help in stopping Leopold.
One suggestion:
"Leopold is rides aboard."--something is missing in this statement.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
