Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Plans, More Plans and Romance"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
15 total reviews
Comment from faragon
Well written. I like the use of italics for inner thoughts. Quite a nice little romance brewing. I did notice one minor correction: In the section Leopold meets with Bishop Julius, in the third paragraph, Bishops should be Bishop's. There seems to be trouble brewing!
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Well written. I like the use of italics for inner thoughts. Quite a nice little romance brewing. I did notice one minor correction: In the section Leopold meets with Bishop Julius, in the third paragraph, Bishops should be Bishop's. There seems to be trouble brewing!
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
Julia seems to be taken with Cassisus as well. Leopold is preparing his case. He is gaining allies. He is prepared to battle and harm his parishioners if need be. Cervantes could possibly be swayed. Great work.
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Julia seems to be taken with Cassisus as well. Leopold is preparing his case. He is gaining allies. He is prepared to battle and harm his parishioners if need be. Cervantes could possibly be swayed. Great work.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
Comment from ravenblack
Great contrast you set up here, radishes plucked from the garden, really food of wonder and casual conversation followed by a regimented meal that came from "voluntary" donations and a more sinister discussion. Did you have Don Quixote' s author in mind when picking the name Cervantes?
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Great contrast you set up here, radishes plucked from the garden, really food of wonder and casual conversation followed by a regimented meal that came from "voluntary" donations and a more sinister discussion. Did you have Don Quixote' s author in mind when picking the name Cervantes?
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
Comment from CR Delport
I hope Cassius' intentions are honorable. Sounds like he's quite taken with Lourdes. At least Valerius will keep on eye on him. Another great chapter. Sounds like Leopold is recruiting young ones just as twisted as he is. Another fine chapter.
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I hope Cassius' intentions are honorable. Sounds like he's quite taken with Lourdes. At least Valerius will keep on eye on him. Another great chapter. Sounds like Leopold is recruiting young ones just as twisted as he is. Another fine chapter.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Romance blossoms but trouble is looming on the horizon in the form of the monstrous priest. I am sure something untoward will happen soon. Great story, most enjoyable. faye
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Romance blossoms but trouble is looming on the horizon in the form of the monstrous priest. I am sure something untoward will happen soon. Great story, most enjoyable. faye
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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So glad you're enjoying. You are on the money with your observations. :))
Comment from Michaelk
Straighten me out on something here. I thought Cassius was only 12 years old. In reading this chapter I thought of Cassius as having a schoolboy crush on a much older woman. However, Lourdes seemed to reciprocate the feeling.
This was a great chapter. I am now starting to feel the tension building from the church side of things. With all the nudge nudge, wink wink, talking about what is to be done unfortunately it was left to Leopold. That will end badly I'm sure.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Straighten me out on something here. I thought Cassius was only 12 years old. In reading this chapter I thought of Cassius as having a schoolboy crush on a much older woman. However, Lourdes seemed to reciprocate the feeling.
This was a great chapter. I am now starting to feel the tension building from the church side of things. With all the nudge nudge, wink wink, talking about what is to be done unfortunately it was left to Leopold. That will end badly I'm sure.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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That may be something for me to correct in edit. I may have given that impression, well, I think I probably did. It is heading towards a bad ending. It may be averted though. Not sure if I can manage that and remain realistic. Cassius is close in age to Julia, but younger than Lourdes by a little. She is a young mother though.
Comment from robina1978
This romance was bound to come sooner or later. So Julia and the doctor, Cassius and Lourdes- the little girl's mother. This might have a happy ending.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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This romance was bound to come sooner or later. So Julia and the doctor, Cassius and Lourdes- the little girl's mother. This might have a happy ending.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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I'm trying to bring some happiness. It's difficult with the crazy priest running around. Thank you, mikey
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
First, good chapter. You waste no time in getting Leopold started on his evil plan to kill girls.
Second thing... The last two sentences are in the same scene, yet you show the POV of TWO characters. Supposedly that is a big no-no. I see why you did it, but you should have had her thinking about him in a new scene that was told from HER POV. That's one thing that editors and the "committee" here are supposedly really picky about. I learned about POV here, and it did make my stories better...more easily organized too.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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First, good chapter. You waste no time in getting Leopold started on his evil plan to kill girls.
Second thing... The last two sentences are in the same scene, yet you show the POV of TWO characters. Supposedly that is a big no-no. I see why you did it, but you should have had her thinking about him in a new scene that was told from HER POV. That's one thing that editors and the "committee" here are supposedly really picky about. I learned about POV here, and it did make my stories better...more easily organized too.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Oh, I'll look at that then. POV is new to me. I have a better idea now, but I'm still a little vague about it. It helps to have something specific like this to look at. Thank you, mikey
Comment from seaglass
Perfect...I love romance. The clergy make me nervous. I keep waiting for the shoe to fall. I recently learned that one line in my family descended from a man (England)named Hubbard was burned at the stake for holding his beliefs against the popular brand of religion of the time. Perhaps I have some genetic memory stirring that makes me mistrust authoritarian religious leaders.
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Perfect...I love romance. The clergy make me nervous. I keep waiting for the shoe to fall. I recently learned that one line in my family descended from a man (England)named Hubbard was burned at the stake for holding his beliefs against the popular brand of religion of the time. Perhaps I have some genetic memory stirring that makes me mistrust authoritarian religious leaders.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Michael: Very well written as always, make me waitin for the next one! Note, that the history books say the priests took oaths of poverty but some got jealous for the tithing money and luxury so they became corrupt. Lost focus on helping people with the money. It is fun to see history come alive as you are writing your stories. I like the romance blooming too!
flylikeaneagle
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Michael: Very well written as always, make me waitin for the next one! Note, that the history books say the priests took oaths of poverty but some got jealous for the tithing money and luxury so they became corrupt. Lost focus on helping people with the money. It is fun to see history come alive as you are writing your stories. I like the romance blooming too!
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
