Childhood years Chapter 2
Childhood memories10 total reviews
Comment from Melissa Russell Deur
I appreciate that you want to show how God has blessed you, despite some setbacks, and you have latched on to a lot of sweet and poignant moments. However, this chapter was listed on "Up Next" for review as a "Children Book Chapter." So I expected to be reading perhaps a middle-grade children's book chapter. I don't think children are the target for this book. It sounds like a memoir aimed at the inspirational market.
I know you've had a hard time retrieving some memories after a traumatic accident, so it must be a joy to list those you can recall. For me, however, this chapter feels like a "list" from a journal, not a structured chapter with a focused purpose. Every memory seems to have equal weight.
Since this review is about a specific chapter (and I had no previous knowledge of the "characters"), I was overwhelmed by all the
siblings. You refer to one as the "oldest brother," then another as "the youngest brother, " then a "twin brother," then 'the second oldest brother," then an "older brother," then "the oldest sister, and "a little sister."
What is the goal of this chapter? What do you want the reader to get from it? How does this chapter advance the story?
Most of these memories are based on doing something physical: riding the escalator, watching tv, doing cartwheels, riding Brownie, etc. I did love the image of you trying to braid the corn silk!
But what resonated the most was: "I tried very hard to please my parents. I wanted to please them." As the reader, I want to know WHY that was so important to you? I think this desire to please them might be a thread throughout your book and something the reader can relate to. By exploring the motivation and emotion behind these memories, you'll be able to inspire the reader. Otherwise, reading about your going to the meadow to pick flowers for your mother means little to me (like watching the slide show of someone else's vacation.)
I know this book is very important to you personally. I'm convinced if you plumb the complexities of these special memories, this book will mean even more to you...and your reader.
I mean to be a help to you.
reply by the author on 25-May-2020
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I appreciate that you want to show how God has blessed you, despite some setbacks, and you have latched on to a lot of sweet and poignant moments. However, this chapter was listed on "Up Next" for review as a "Children Book Chapter." So I expected to be reading perhaps a middle-grade children's book chapter. I don't think children are the target for this book. It sounds like a memoir aimed at the inspirational market.
I know you've had a hard time retrieving some memories after a traumatic accident, so it must be a joy to list those you can recall. For me, however, this chapter feels like a "list" from a journal, not a structured chapter with a focused purpose. Every memory seems to have equal weight.
Since this review is about a specific chapter (and I had no previous knowledge of the "characters"), I was overwhelmed by all the
siblings. You refer to one as the "oldest brother," then another as "the youngest brother, " then a "twin brother," then 'the second oldest brother," then an "older brother," then "the oldest sister, and "a little sister."
What is the goal of this chapter? What do you want the reader to get from it? How does this chapter advance the story?
Most of these memories are based on doing something physical: riding the escalator, watching tv, doing cartwheels, riding Brownie, etc. I did love the image of you trying to braid the corn silk!
But what resonated the most was: "I tried very hard to please my parents. I wanted to please them." As the reader, I want to know WHY that was so important to you? I think this desire to please them might be a thread throughout your book and something the reader can relate to. By exploring the motivation and emotion behind these memories, you'll be able to inspire the reader. Otherwise, reading about your going to the meadow to pick flowers for your mother means little to me (like watching the slide show of someone else's vacation.)
I know this book is very important to you personally. I'm convinced if you plumb the complexities of these special memories, this book will mean even more to you...and your reader.
I mean to be a help to you.
Comment Written 23-May-2020
reply by the author on 25-May-2020
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Thank you for the thoughtful review. You mention a lot and I will answer just one thing which is my wanting to please my parents. From my earliest memory in the chapter called Blazing Inferno I got the message from my parents that I could never do anything right. Even when I would try, I was never praised for a job well done which is important to a young child. I hope you will continue reading my book and you may find more insight as to the whys some of the chapters portray.
I see from your profile that you are new to fanstory and I would like to welcome you.
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Thank you for welcoming me! You come from a large family. Did your brothers and sisters also feel they couldn't do anything right? I will continue to read your book!
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Most of us were emotionally abused as we grew up and it took a long time for us to recover from that abuse. Plus there was a good amount of physical abuse as well. As a matter of fact my father almost beat my youngest brother to death before my mother finally divorce him.
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I did go back and read the Prologue and first chapter. The barn fire must have been frightening--the day it happened and in days looking back. Even though you got blamed for not telling your mother about Patrick taking the matches, I did not sense you were angry with Patrick. You even wrote in one of the poems, "I held the hand of my twin and I saw God." I hope that comforts you tonight.
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I thank you, I lost that twin last Wednesday and I will be speaking at the memorial for him on June 7 which is our 82nd birthday, so I would covet your prayer for me that day.
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You are on my prayer list! I am praying that God gives you the strength to honor Patrick and in doing so, to glorify God. I had commented about how many siblings you mentioned in Chapter 2. Now I see that you lost another brother in the past year, I think. You've had a lot to process. More than I know, I'm sure.
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The scripture that comes to my mind about my twin is this---be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath. James 1:19 Patrick was a very good listener and seldom spoke before he had thought about what to say, I can honestly saym the only time I ever saw him angry was when we were fourteen and he defended me from our father as my father was in the process of trying to whip me with an electrical cord. Patrick grabbed my dad by the shirt collar and stated that he would knock his head off if he hit me one more time with the cord.
It is going to be a great honor for me to peak at his services.
Comment from Bill Pinder
You are so right about the three little words. It is so sad that some children grow up to be adults and they have never or very rarely heard those words from their parents. Then what is supposed to be a powerful relationship for good becomes a powerful relationship in a negative way.
Bill
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2019
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You are so right about the three little words. It is so sad that some children grow up to be adults and they have never or very rarely heard those words from their parents. Then what is supposed to be a powerful relationship for good becomes a powerful relationship in a negative way.
Bill
Comment Written 03-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2019
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Thanks for your review.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
thank you for your wonderful story about your growing up and its trials. The poetry is very good, also. Wow, so many remembrances and facts about your life. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2019
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thank you for your wonderful story about your growing up and its trials. The poetry is very good, also. Wow, so many remembrances and facts about your life. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2019
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Thanks for your review.
Comment from Joanna S. Blue
I enjoyed your childhood memories and could picture the charming illustrations that would accompany them. I could see them because of all the specific details -- the tv in the department store, the escalator. (I was afraid of those, the getting-off part.) I love the part about braiding the corn silks. How you weave your hopes and dreams, successes and failures.
'Thorn experience' was an expression I liked and understood, and even more when I went back to your earlier writing. The part about Prince and your brother's return is a real gem. What I like most of all is the mixture of sublime experiences like that with the mundane, like chiggers. I guess I was meant to read this today. My mother would be ninety, had she lived. Her name was Alta!
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2019
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I enjoyed your childhood memories and could picture the charming illustrations that would accompany them. I could see them because of all the specific details -- the tv in the department store, the escalator. (I was afraid of those, the getting-off part.) I love the part about braiding the corn silks. How you weave your hopes and dreams, successes and failures.
'Thorn experience' was an expression I liked and understood, and even more when I went back to your earlier writing. The part about Prince and your brother's return is a real gem. What I like most of all is the mixture of sublime experiences like that with the mundane, like chiggers. I guess I was meant to read this today. My mother would be ninety, had she lived. Her name was Alta!
Comment Written 03-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2019
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Thanks for your review.
Comment from Caressa_08
Pat, this was a very well written, true story & the very first time, I had a chance to view it, & I just put a little poem out there, the other day & can't believe, that I used a couple of your words from your poem, when I first saw it tonight.....I really enjoyed reading about your brother's wedding. And, my husband was a career Navy man (with broken, though over twenty yrs service so I know quite a bit about sailor suits), Though when we got married he chose a regular suit for that, even though during that time, he was in the Navy.. Really enjoyed reading about the horses your family owned & the experiences with them & it does seem like a nice get away, all that it can offer, (though not the chiggers,) the outside & what a farm can offer children, & bet a lot of hard work, too, when they are young & have so much energy.
Thanks for sharing.....Caressa
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Pat, this was a very well written, true story & the very first time, I had a chance to view it, & I just put a little poem out there, the other day & can't believe, that I used a couple of your words from your poem, when I first saw it tonight.....I really enjoyed reading about your brother's wedding. And, my husband was a career Navy man (with broken, though over twenty yrs service so I know quite a bit about sailor suits), Though when we got married he chose a regular suit for that, even though during that time, he was in the Navy.. Really enjoyed reading about the horses your family owned & the experiences with them & it does seem like a nice get away, all that it can offer, (though not the chiggers,) the outside & what a farm can offer children, & bet a lot of hard work, too, when they are young & have so much energy.
Thanks for sharing.....Caressa
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the review. The wedding was a big deal to Patrick and me and seeing out first TV. I was a fun trip and we both felt so special.
Comment from robina1978
A lovely next chapter, I was pleased to find it. I like how you saw all your siblings get married. You also tried all kind of things. Lovely little poem at the end, and your artwork complements it very well.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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A lovely next chapter, I was pleased to find it. I like how you saw all your siblings get married. You also tried all kind of things. Lovely little poem at the end, and your artwork complements it very well.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Thank you Robin for the kind review.
Comment from Genya
This was such a pleasure to read. Loved the way the thorns came in when you had done things not expected of you. A great insight into your childhood as you journeyed through life. Really enjoyed reading this. Also loved the poem at the end. Three little words. So important...we love you. Genya
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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This was such a pleasure to read. Loved the way the thorns came in when you had done things not expected of you. A great insight into your childhood as you journeyed through life. Really enjoyed reading this. Also loved the poem at the end. Three little words. So important...we love you. Genya
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the lovely review. For those who have heard my story as the radio drama, they will know what the event was that happened at 19 that cause my memory loss.
Comment from misscookie
Bravo!
This is a delightful read.
You had my attention from the first line to the last.
It was so good I had to read it again.
Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Bravo!
This is a delightful read.
You had my attention from the first line to the last.
It was so good I had to read it again.
Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thanks for the stars and the nice review.
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You are very welcome, have a blessed day.
until next time.
Comment from Brabazon
Sorry to hear that a sad incident such as memory loss happened to you.
I thought I was the only person writing about childhood memories until I saw this. Childhood memories are extraordinary. Mine is titled Second Hand Emotions.
Beautiful!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Sorry to hear that a sad incident such as memory loss happened to you.
I thought I was the only person writing about childhood memories until I saw this. Childhood memories are extraordinary. Mine is titled Second Hand Emotions.
Beautiful!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thank you Barbazon for the nice review. I have wanted to do my story close to 30 years. My story was made into a radio drama and just plaed in the last 2 weeks if you would wnat to hear it it is at the name is Patricia Lawrence you will want to listen to part1 before part2 the program numbers are 3325 and 3326
www.oneplace.com/ministries/unshackled
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You make me envious when you say yours have been made into a radio show. I pray mine achieves what yours has achieved. I however, doubt if my story has the emotional relevance and lessons about life that would grant it such a privilege.
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I wasn't sure mine was good enough either. The program has very good script writers who take the story you give and make it into a drama. We never know until we try if it will work. Go to
www.unshackled.org
and look at their guidelines for submitting your story. All of the people I worked with were most helpful all the way. The lady who wrote the script is now a very cherished friend of mine.
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I?ll check the site. Thank you.
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You are welcome.
Comment from country ranch writer
NICE PICTURE YOU DID A GOOD JOB PRESENTING IT, YOU STORY REMINDED ME ABOUT BLUEBERRY PICKING BACK HOME THEY SURE WERE DELICIOUS.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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NICE PICTURE YOU DID A GOOD JOB PRESENTING IT, YOU STORY REMINDED ME ABOUT BLUEBERRY PICKING BACK HOME THEY SURE WERE DELICIOUS.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thanks for the review.
We didn't have blueberries, but has strawberries, gooseberries and blackberries.
