A Functional Drunk
A character study24 total reviews
Comment from GangGreen
This character study shows great insight into a particular kind of alcoholic mentality.The narrator when sober is scornful of his family,neighbours,colleagues and even his fellow alcoholics.It is ironic that he is jealous of his daughters achievement, and criticizes her for cheating and being selfish, in that this is what he is and has been doing for decades.
There are some great lines in this work,the first four lines,for instance are outstanding,being an effective hook and setting the tone of the piece.The balance between first person narration and realistic dialogue is also effective.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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This character study shows great insight into a particular kind of alcoholic mentality.The narrator when sober is scornful of his family,neighbours,colleagues and even his fellow alcoholics.It is ironic that he is jealous of his daughters achievement, and criticizes her for cheating and being selfish, in that this is what he is and has been doing for decades.
There are some great lines in this work,the first four lines,for instance are outstanding,being an effective hook and setting the tone of the piece.The balance between first person narration and realistic dialogue is also effective.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thaks, appreciate the read.
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No problem.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Really good. I was completely lost and caught up in this little story. I feel so sorry for Jerry. Damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.
Skillful writing, Ingrid. Bravo.
Just a couple of itty bitty nits:
One kind soul sat beside me, running for coffee for me and kept cooing words of encouragement in my ear. - This doesn't sound quite right.
One kind soul sat beside me, fetched coffee for me, and kept cooing words of encouragement in my ear. ???
Some guy() named Dave made an impressive speech - lose comma.
I really hope you had a good weekend.
Av
xx
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Really good. I was completely lost and caught up in this little story. I feel so sorry for Jerry. Damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.
Skillful writing, Ingrid. Bravo.
Just a couple of itty bitty nits:
One kind soul sat beside me, running for coffee for me and kept cooing words of encouragement in my ear. - This doesn't sound quite right.
One kind soul sat beside me, fetched coffee for me, and kept cooing words of encouragement in my ear. ???
Some guy() named Dave made an impressive speech - lose comma.
I really hope you had a good weekend.
Av
xx
Comment Written 13-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thanks, made the corrections. Weekend was good. Had dinner at Scott's and Michael came to replace the window. Went well.
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I'm so glad to hear that.
xx
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Ingrid,
this is so depressingly dysfunctional that it actually works... what does that say for this life and how we perceive ourselves in it?
Sorry to say or use 'so', but there were so many threads that connected me to your main character... no not the father, no, not the sarcastic loser to scared to put his big-boy pants on... but more on the level of waking up one day and wondering what the damn point is, to a life that is on an endless loop... hell maybe you should have introduced Jerry to something harder then some pain medication... he could have really slipped into a swirling whirlpool then.
Great internal dialog... hell great dialog all the way around... whose head are you in now? You scare me... now you've jumped inside the head of a male drinker... I don't think he was an alcoholic, just someone who got caught up in the habitual mode of his life, just something you do I guess... and yeah, back in the day I would have grabbed for the bottle of JD at the first sign of stress... ah, that's right I would have grabbed it in any mood... smile))))))))... wonder if me ol' mate Jerry faded out with a drunken smile on his face?
Great write my friend... and as always a very entertaining read... you crazy lady you.
With our thoughts we create,
a numbing effect,
James xx
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2014
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Hi Ingrid,
this is so depressingly dysfunctional that it actually works... what does that say for this life and how we perceive ourselves in it?
Sorry to say or use 'so', but there were so many threads that connected me to your main character... no not the father, no, not the sarcastic loser to scared to put his big-boy pants on... but more on the level of waking up one day and wondering what the damn point is, to a life that is on an endless loop... hell maybe you should have introduced Jerry to something harder then some pain medication... he could have really slipped into a swirling whirlpool then.
Great internal dialog... hell great dialog all the way around... whose head are you in now? You scare me... now you've jumped inside the head of a male drinker... I don't think he was an alcoholic, just someone who got caught up in the habitual mode of his life, just something you do I guess... and yeah, back in the day I would have grabbed for the bottle of JD at the first sign of stress... ah, that's right I would have grabbed it in any mood... smile))))))))... wonder if me ol' mate Jerry faded out with a drunken smile on his face?
Great write my friend... and as always a very entertaining read... you crazy lady you.
With our thoughts we create,
a numbing effect,
James xx
Comment Written 13-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2014
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Think of it as a journey to the centre of the earth. a poignant look at creatures not yet imagined, souls that are lonely and feeling misunderstood. I'm ceding to the characters and letting them breathe. I need to understand the cameo roles before I stop. Thanks for the stars.
Comment from jlsavell
Ingrid, exceptional, exceptional, exceptional is all I can say. I love the first person point of view, it is such a vivid head trip. Once can sense that the raw honesty from the narrator was what the f--k! The irony. you, the author bring real life to the table in the life of a well-aware alcoholic whose true character is unmasked without the alcohol and those in his circle of life cannot see it.That is truly a duel between hysterical and tragic. Well done my friend, well done.. Jimi
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2014
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Ingrid, exceptional, exceptional, exceptional is all I can say. I love the first person point of view, it is such a vivid head trip. Once can sense that the raw honesty from the narrator was what the f--k! The irony. you, the author bring real life to the table in the life of a well-aware alcoholic whose true character is unmasked without the alcohol and those in his circle of life cannot see it.That is truly a duel between hysterical and tragic. Well done my friend, well done.. Jimi
Comment Written 13-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2014
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I'm playing with getting into the heads of characters who may not reveal their true nature in my stories, but who will be known to me. thanks for the stars, Jimi. I do appreciate your accolade.
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you are doing quite well at it, for you certainly got into this character's head as if you lived there. I love your work..I learn a lot from you..
Comment from maggieadams
Ingrid, this is Ionesco of your best I because every line adds to this character study, and no doubt, it will hit a nerve in a passage or two. Realistic dialogue...I like his internal dialogue as it is poignantly real. One failure after another was stored in the rafters...powerful....your ending, oh, my....sad. Great job.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2014
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Ingrid, this is Ionesco of your best I because every line adds to this character study, and no doubt, it will hit a nerve in a passage or two. Realistic dialogue...I like his internal dialogue as it is poignantly real. One failure after another was stored in the rafters...powerful....your ending, oh, my....sad. Great job.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2014
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Occasionally when I find characters in stories shallow, I'll advise a writer to create a biography and write 1000 words just about the person they've invited into a story. This was an evolution of that exercise. A successful guy that no one really knew and seemed confident in business and in life. I captured the flaw and then exploited it. Thanks for the stars and kind words.
Comment from reconciled
that no one noticed He'd stopped for that long a time....speaks to the distance that separated his family. Hi Ingrid...-smile- Exceptional is your ability to transport your reader. I remember when my Dad...quit...........it was ...unbelievable so didn't...for a couple weeks....but he did...no fan fair or announcement....he just did. Even my stepmother still continued for a month or two...then her also. strange though it wasn't very long afterward he got sick. Its a great story....always love Michael
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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that no one noticed He'd stopped for that long a time....speaks to the distance that separated his family. Hi Ingrid...-smile- Exceptional is your ability to transport your reader. I remember when my Dad...quit...........it was ...unbelievable so didn't...for a couple weeks....but he did...no fan fair or announcement....he just did. Even my stepmother still continued for a month or two...then her also. strange though it wasn't very long afterward he got sick. Its a great story....always love Michael
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Ah Michael, thanks for the stars. It was really a crawl into a character that seemed to feel he had few options and used up his final bravado. Tthanks, darling man.
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well...with a wife like that...-shouldershrug-...the other option has different kind of bars......ahh just messing around....yea its not a pretty story. I don't drink...and don't have a family anymore either.....I wish I liked the taste of that stuff...you think I'd still have my family...? Ingrid...?
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Maybe one day you'll tell me why you lost those entrusted to love you into eternity.
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hm...I wonder what does that mean....so I've read it a number of times...two....and now I'm going to ask you....lets see what happens...
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Nothing...we all have a life story. Don't understand why you don't have a family, but many don't.
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and here I'd thought I'd explained it all through poetic expression....hm....guess I'll have to write a story....-smile- my family was murdered...poisoned to death...love-
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Perhaps you reached poets...and for many that is enough. I guess I never tuned in...
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huh...?...Ingrid...YOU said..."I don't really like poetry bla bla bla...but yours is special"...where you just trying to get in my pants....never tuned in my ass....lol
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I'm sure that is it--In your pantw...so sorry.
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this has happened before.....I thought...ah...K...sorry....I never can tell when your serious...or ya know....so I wing it with you Ingrid......and when you say things ...like you do...it makes it that much more difficult to fly....I meant no offense Madam....I beg pardon-
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
I'm not sure the parody, the joking way is the best narration of your sobriety. I guess it's better than grumbl;ing, bitter and down on everybody else.
It seems to me, though ,that with forty days a nd forty nights record of being sober, you would earn taht you can beat the drunken bum life.
So, it seems the wife Brenda had not noticed your 40 days sobriety. I guess she ahd been "clubbed t odeath," by her social climbing life. Maybe no relief from your loneliness gives an occasion for a bottle of Jack daniels. But surely there were friends and neighbors who did notice your sober life and thanked some Higher Power taht you did knock teh addiction for 40 days.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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I'm not sure the parody, the joking way is the best narration of your sobriety. I guess it's better than grumbl;ing, bitter and down on everybody else.
It seems to me, though ,that with forty days a nd forty nights record of being sober, you would earn taht you can beat the drunken bum life.
So, it seems the wife Brenda had not noticed your 40 days sobriety. I guess she ahd been "clubbed t odeath," by her social climbing life. Maybe no relief from your loneliness gives an occasion for a bottle of Jack daniels. But surely there were friends and neighbors who did notice your sober life and thanked some Higher Power taht you did knock teh addiction for 40 days.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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This was not a parody. It was a fictional account on a writing site about a man's inner thoughts as he faced his addiction. Having said that it's fiction, I have an intimate knowledge of the terrors, self-loathing and depression that underlies alcoholism.
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Thanks for correcting me. Your poem seems to bear this out that though it was fiction you had deep insight t othe horrors to addiction to alcohol.
Don
Comment from Dom G Robles
Ingrid, I enjoyed reading your story from beginning to end. You made your main character, Jerry, a very controversial figure, when in fact, he was a very obedient kind of human soul trying to please everybody. The problem she had with his daughter, Lindsey, was quite understandable from the point of view of a father, since, I think he was not treated very well as a father. He was not impressed by the daughter, the fact that idea she was not entirely hers and the comment was that she "lost." When Jerry, was admired by his father in-law of how he made good his family without any argument and had been going good all along, He did not tell the truth .
And then there was the reminiscing of olden days about 15 or 20 years ago when he enjoyed every moment of his life with Brenda, travelling to Europe. The beauty of your description for the period they have been together were excellent. Although he could not get enough of the desire that he wanted, longing always to be closer lie in her arms and listen to her heartbeat. And Brenda, the m ore dominant figure tried always to confront her, demanding answers "akimbo" attending parties here and there (without, perhaps) attending to his husband's needs) must have been the reason why he always been sober.
The last part of your story: I seem to understand and feel that mother and child are not too kind to the situation and needs of the man. When confronted finally by Brenda about the supposed shortcomings: the pot roast tasting like a shoe leather...and the daughter being a "loser", as probably a sign of protest against the bleak and frustrations of his life. didn't want to go visit Brenda's parents which they had been doing for the last twenty years.
However, I have one last question. Jerry had been drinking all right. And he had been attending meetings of sobriety or alcoholism. Finally being fed up. He grab a bottle of Jack Daniels and car keys. Why did he turn the ignition key? Instead of just drinking the liquor and make him sleep? Did he have intention to run the car and let the carbon monoxide where when could finally go to sleep in a deep slumber?
Or am I assuming too much?
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Ingrid, I enjoyed reading your story from beginning to end. You made your main character, Jerry, a very controversial figure, when in fact, he was a very obedient kind of human soul trying to please everybody. The problem she had with his daughter, Lindsey, was quite understandable from the point of view of a father, since, I think he was not treated very well as a father. He was not impressed by the daughter, the fact that idea she was not entirely hers and the comment was that she "lost." When Jerry, was admired by his father in-law of how he made good his family without any argument and had been going good all along, He did not tell the truth .
And then there was the reminiscing of olden days about 15 or 20 years ago when he enjoyed every moment of his life with Brenda, travelling to Europe. The beauty of your description for the period they have been together were excellent. Although he could not get enough of the desire that he wanted, longing always to be closer lie in her arms and listen to her heartbeat. And Brenda, the m ore dominant figure tried always to confront her, demanding answers "akimbo" attending parties here and there (without, perhaps) attending to his husband's needs) must have been the reason why he always been sober.
The last part of your story: I seem to understand and feel that mother and child are not too kind to the situation and needs of the man. When confronted finally by Brenda about the supposed shortcomings: the pot roast tasting like a shoe leather...and the daughter being a "loser", as probably a sign of protest against the bleak and frustrations of his life. didn't want to go visit Brenda's parents which they had been doing for the last twenty years.
However, I have one last question. Jerry had been drinking all right. And he had been attending meetings of sobriety or alcoholism. Finally being fed up. He grab a bottle of Jack Daniels and car keys. Why did he turn the ignition key? Instead of just drinking the liquor and make him sleep? Did he have intention to run the car and let the carbon monoxide where when could finally go to sleep in a deep slumber?
Or am I assuming too much?
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Jerry had not been drinking until he went and got the booze and then it was his intention to kill himself.
Thanks for the stars and extensive review. Much appreciated.
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Oh, I see, thank you. Dom
Comment from Sasha
Wow, this is amazing and a dynamite character study of what you so aptly call, a functional drunk. I've known a few and you (excuse the cliche) hit the nail on the head with this one. Poor guy, can't win drunk or sober. There are so many marvelous quips in this one but you get a 6 for this one:
"Well," I said to the old man, hoping that my answer might make an impression. "Brenda and I have a perfect partnership. She makes the small decisions; what we eat, where we live and she assigns household chores. I make the serious decisions; when to launch nuclear bombs and negotiate with aliens."
Despite being a non-functioning drunk, I could relate to a lot of this one. Absolutely great work!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Wow, this is amazing and a dynamite character study of what you so aptly call, a functional drunk. I've known a few and you (excuse the cliche) hit the nail on the head with this one. Poor guy, can't win drunk or sober. There are so many marvelous quips in this one but you get a 6 for this one:
"Well," I said to the old man, hoping that my answer might make an impression. "Brenda and I have a perfect partnership. She makes the small decisions; what we eat, where we live and she assigns household chores. I make the serious decisions; when to launch nuclear bombs and negotiate with aliens."
Despite being a non-functioning drunk, I could relate to a lot of this one. Absolutely great work!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Thanks, it was a crawl into a character in all his despair and depression.
Comment from livelylinda
Spiritual Echo: I was married to a functioning alcoholic for 14 years. He had a decent job and brought home his paycheck. He took out the garbage and mowed the lawn. He disappeared into himself when he drank, quietly, like he wasn't there. I ran the house, took care of our three daughters, went to work, made 99 per cent of the decisions. He was never angry, mean, we didn't argue, he didn't beat up anyone. However, there were other disgusting things like peeing in strange places inside the house in the middle of the night which I had to clean up. He wasn't the brightest crayon in the crayon box and when drunk, he sounded like a total idiot. He didn't decide to get sober until after his second wife filed for divorce and a few months later he was diagnosed with lung cancer, brain cancer then kidney cancer all in one year. But, as usual, he didn't really quit drinking alcohol. He had it hidden all over the house. After he died of cancer, his wife and sister went through his house and found bottles of whiskey hidden in every room. I can't sympathize with the drunk but I sure can empathize with their families. Good writing. livelylinda
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Spiritual Echo: I was married to a functioning alcoholic for 14 years. He had a decent job and brought home his paycheck. He took out the garbage and mowed the lawn. He disappeared into himself when he drank, quietly, like he wasn't there. I ran the house, took care of our three daughters, went to work, made 99 per cent of the decisions. He was never angry, mean, we didn't argue, he didn't beat up anyone. However, there were other disgusting things like peeing in strange places inside the house in the middle of the night which I had to clean up. He wasn't the brightest crayon in the crayon box and when drunk, he sounded like a total idiot. He didn't decide to get sober until after his second wife filed for divorce and a few months later he was diagnosed with lung cancer, brain cancer then kidney cancer all in one year. But, as usual, he didn't really quit drinking alcohol. He had it hidden all over the house. After he died of cancer, his wife and sister went through his house and found bottles of whiskey hidden in every room. I can't sympathize with the drunk but I sure can empathize with their families. Good writing. livelylinda
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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hanks for sharing your story. This is not so unusual, and Jerry lives amongst us.
