Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "The Deacon & The Doctor Are In"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
16 total reviews
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Michael: I like the suspense of the church folk...demons? I like how the wound is being healed and treated. Stay off of it, he can rest but still watch his sister. I like how you are hooking us into your story with the conflict. Well written and congrats on award.
flylikeaneagle
  |
Michael: I like the suspense of the church folk...demons? I like how the wound is being healed and treated. Stay off of it, he can rest but still watch his sister. I like how you are hooking us into your story with the conflict. Well written and congrats on award.
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 04-Oct-2014
Comment from amanda98653
A great write, Mikey. Very wise words.
"What other conclusion could a reasonable man arrive at?"-- great question.
I think Valerius will spend his whole life searching for the answer.
Hugs
Suggestions:
1. Julia recognized him from their several lifetime's together
Consider rephrasing that. "Together" is an adverb. I think adding a verb next to it would make the sentence sound smoother.
Try this:
Julia recognized him from the multiple lifetimes they've spent together.
2.Okay, are you back from your coffee break now? very well, the fabulous
Capitalize the "v" in "very"
3."Music is known to have a calming effect on the troubled or angered mind. I recommend it for your patient, as she seems a creative sort. A mind like that of Julia's does not know rest. It twists and turns as a river through a canyon. But, with her, there are many rivers. They all flow until they converge... and then they overflow, spilling over the banks. Music slows the relentless flow. Each river moves more peacefully and the banks are not rushed with flooding. Are you following this, Valerius? The simple act of labor can achieve that effect. You tire the mind and the torment slowly lessons. My husband encouraged her artwork. She was quite talented. But her renditions were all of things from her mind. Made up visions that only she saw. Creatures of her own making. strange beings that resembled men, but looked more like animals. It disturbed her father greatly, but in truth, the treatment was effective."
Consider splitting the paragraph into two with the addition of an extra sentence.
"Music is known to have a calming effect on the troubled or angered mind. I recommend it for your patient, as she seems a creative sort. A mind like that of Julia's does not know rest. It twists and turns as a river through a canyon. But, with her, there are many rivers. They all flow until they converge... and then they overflow, spilling over the banks. Music slows the relentless flow. Each river moves more peacefully and the banks are not rushed with flooding. "
Trellitia looked at Valerius's unresponsive expression and wondered what he was thinking about.
"Are you following this, Valerius? The simple act of labor can achieve that effect. You tire the mind and the torment slowly lessons. My husband encouraged her artwork. She was quite talented. But her renditions were all of things from her mind. Made up visions that only she saw. Creatures of her own making. strange beings that resembled men, but looked more like animals. It disturbed her father greatly, but in truth, the treatment was effective."
|
A great write, Mikey. Very wise words.
"What other conclusion could a reasonable man arrive at?"-- great question.
I think Valerius will spend his whole life searching for the answer.
Hugs
Suggestions:
1. Julia recognized him from their several lifetime's together
Consider rephrasing that. "Together" is an adverb. I think adding a verb next to it would make the sentence sound smoother.
Try this:
Julia recognized him from the multiple lifetimes they've spent together.
2.Okay, are you back from your coffee break now? very well, the fabulous
Capitalize the "v" in "very"
3."Music is known to have a calming effect on the troubled or angered mind. I recommend it for your patient, as she seems a creative sort. A mind like that of Julia's does not know rest. It twists and turns as a river through a canyon. But, with her, there are many rivers. They all flow until they converge... and then they overflow, spilling over the banks. Music slows the relentless flow. Each river moves more peacefully and the banks are not rushed with flooding. Are you following this, Valerius? The simple act of labor can achieve that effect. You tire the mind and the torment slowly lessons. My husband encouraged her artwork. She was quite talented. But her renditions were all of things from her mind. Made up visions that only she saw. Creatures of her own making. strange beings that resembled men, but looked more like animals. It disturbed her father greatly, but in truth, the treatment was effective."
Consider splitting the paragraph into two with the addition of an extra sentence.
"Music is known to have a calming effect on the troubled or angered mind. I recommend it for your patient, as she seems a creative sort. A mind like that of Julia's does not know rest. It twists and turns as a river through a canyon. But, with her, there are many rivers. They all flow until they converge... and then they overflow, spilling over the banks. Music slows the relentless flow. Each river moves more peacefully and the banks are not rushed with flooding. "
Trellitia looked at Valerius's unresponsive expression and wondered what he was thinking about.
"Are you following this, Valerius? The simple act of labor can achieve that effect. You tire the mind and the torment slowly lessons. My husband encouraged her artwork. She was quite talented. But her renditions were all of things from her mind. Made up visions that only she saw. Creatures of her own making. strange beings that resembled men, but looked more like animals. It disturbed her father greatly, but in truth, the treatment was effective."
Comment Written 04-Oct-2014
Comment from Michaelk
Setting a leg without having any idea of how to do it? That would scare the hell out of me. I found it interesting that he and his father had to be ordered no farm work. Otherwise they might've had him baling hay the next day is the feeling I got. Nice save by Valerius. Telling Julia she's not sick there's just things to discuss. This is gonna end ugly. Even more ugly then the battlefield scene from the last story where he saves her life only to have her father kill him.
I predict Julia sacrificing herself to save Valerius.
|
Setting a leg without having any idea of how to do it? That would scare the hell out of me. I found it interesting that he and his father had to be ordered no farm work. Otherwise they might've had him baling hay the next day is the feeling I got. Nice save by Valerius. Telling Julia she's not sick there's just things to discuss. This is gonna end ugly. Even more ugly then the battlefield scene from the last story where he saves her life only to have her father kill him.
I predict Julia sacrificing herself to save Valerius.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2014
Comment from robina1978
I really enjoyed that in this chapter you stress that the two souls were looked in one way in Heaven. But they found each others company on Earth without realising it.
|
I really enjoyed that in this chapter you stress that the two souls were looked in one way in Heaven. But they found each others company on Earth without realising it.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, this is a well framed chapter with appropriate names and conversation. Though it is fiction it reads as historical facts. Very convincing. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
|
Mikey, this is a well framed chapter with appropriate names and conversation. Though it is fiction it reads as historical facts. Very convincing. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
Comment from Sankey
Great chapter mate. Different like a lot of your stuff but I am 'melding' in there and going with the flowing hehe. Thanks again. had a great lot of responses to my Foot in Mouth Poem. Sad how honesty gets us in so much trouble what.
|
Great chapter mate. Different like a lot of your stuff but I am 'melding' in there and going with the flowing hehe. Thanks again. had a great lot of responses to my Foot in Mouth Poem. Sad how honesty gets us in so much trouble what.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Excellent chapter, I liked the display of medical knowledge. I worry about the village leader and what terrible news he has garnered from his visit to the Higher Authority. No good will come out of that, I fear. Most enjoyable as always. Faye
|
Excellent chapter, I liked the display of medical knowledge. I worry about the village leader and what terrible news he has garnered from his visit to the Higher Authority. No good will come out of that, I fear. Most enjoyable as always. Faye
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
Comment from gypsycaravan
Excellent message in this line. " Fanaticism is not always with ill will, but it is usually with ill thinking."
I enjoyed learning what Leopold is up to before reading of Valerius' first patient. I am anxious to see what Leopold will plan to do about getting rid of Julia and if Valerius will come to her rescue in this life, also. Reading these stories of yours, mikey, makes me wonder if each of our lives is dependent on what we learned and/or earned from a prior life. Would certainly make sense of that old wonder of mine-----'why are some born with physical or mental handicaps? Why do some have such a pitiful, sad, or difficult life while others are born with every advantage? So glad you are posting these and the vehicle you chose with the two souls Vision and Sound makes the subject even more interesting.
|
Excellent message in this line. " Fanaticism is not always with ill will, but it is usually with ill thinking."
I enjoyed learning what Leopold is up to before reading of Valerius' first patient. I am anxious to see what Leopold will plan to do about getting rid of Julia and if Valerius will come to her rescue in this life, also. Reading these stories of yours, mikey, makes me wonder if each of our lives is dependent on what we learned and/or earned from a prior life. Would certainly make sense of that old wonder of mine-----'why are some born with physical or mental handicaps? Why do some have such a pitiful, sad, or difficult life while others are born with every advantage? So glad you are posting these and the vehicle you chose with the two souls Vision and Sound makes the subject even more interesting.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
Comment from Sasha
Terrific work with this one. I felt the snap as he put the poor boy's leg back into place. I am enjoying this immensely and as always, I have no suggestions to make. You are doing just fine without them.
|
Terrific work with this one. I felt the snap as he put the poor boy's leg back into place. I am enjoying this immensely and as always, I have no suggestions to make. You are doing just fine without them.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
Another awesome turn. You just drop great characters in like you have an endless supply. Loved how you surprised us with hom going nut case on us. Great realistic scene with Valerius using pure common sense to fix the leg.
|
Another awesome turn. You just drop great characters in like you have an endless supply. Loved how you surprised us with hom going nut case on us. Great realistic scene with Valerius using pure common sense to fix the leg.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
