My Bluebird
English Sonnet34 total reviews
Comment from catch22
Hi Mikey,
This is a very beautiful sonnet. Overall, the meter was excellent, except for a couple of lines felt forced to fit the iambics:
But, I know so much more than my kept bird.
There's guilt steeped in deceit at my cell door.
To me, this read unnaturally with the natural stresses. I read it this way:
BUT i KNOW so MUCH more than MY kept Bird.-- you start this line with a stressed syllable and it causes the stresses to change.
There's GUILT steeped IN deCEIT at MY cell DOOR.--I think this line's pronunciation might change with accent.
Overall, I love the use of metaphor and the form was spot on.
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Hi Mikey,
This is a very beautiful sonnet. Overall, the meter was excellent, except for a couple of lines felt forced to fit the iambics:
But, I know so much more than my kept bird.
There's guilt steeped in deceit at my cell door.
To me, this read unnaturally with the natural stresses. I read it this way:
BUT i KNOW so MUCH more than MY kept Bird.-- you start this line with a stressed syllable and it causes the stresses to change.
There's GUILT steeped IN deCEIT at MY cell DOOR.--I think this line's pronunciation might change with accent.
Overall, I love the use of metaphor and the form was spot on.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, this English sonnet is lovely and a little melancholy. The whole presentation plays on that emotion. Blue is perfect.
I've always felt bad for caged birds. Seems unnatural to me. Well done. GracieAnn
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Mikey, this English sonnet is lovely and a little melancholy. The whole presentation plays on that emotion. Blue is perfect.
I've always felt bad for caged birds. Seems unnatural to me. Well done. GracieAnn
Comment Written 27-Sep-2014
Comment from Sankey
Ok, not bad. Getting a bit ticked off with FS. A pity I still have a year's membership to run. Really disappointed at the amount of time I put into other's stuff for pittance of reward too I might add. There I went and spent a heap of member dollars on promotion and got virtually nothing for it. I like stories not really into all these obscure poems. Yours make more sense than most. Sorry having a rant.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2014
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Ok, not bad. Getting a bit ticked off with FS. A pity I still have a year's membership to run. Really disappointed at the amount of time I put into other's stuff for pittance of reward too I might add. There I went and spent a heap of member dollars on promotion and got virtually nothing for it. I like stories not really into all these obscure poems. Yours make more sense than most. Sorry having a rant.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2014
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I know what you mean. The problem is that once it has had a shot, it is hard to get any more action on it. I looked at several of the revisions and made a comment or two, but the site won't let a reviewer get paid a second time for a second review. So, all your regulars are kind of shut off. You're left with only new folks who don't have a clue what's going on and a whole autobiography to read if they want to get on board. Seems like there should be some kind of a way to follow up. The two year wait is too long really. Not sure the solution. I'll give it some thought. I was thinking that with my current book. I've already got all the reviewers I'm going to get! mikey
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Hi mate probably right I do have some great friends who look at the book and are not in it for rewards. Still contemplating breaking up the chapters am noticing folks have chapters a lot shorter than mine but I am really ticked off at the great big chapters folks have with lousy rewards. I was going to go with a particular publisher here in Australia that advertises on FS but found out they are into astrology and new age and all that crap. So I cancelled them. They claim to be 'spiritual' but you can guess what sort of spiritual that is probably occult and spiritism and all that.
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Yeah. Sometimes spiritual means Caspar the Friendly Ghost! :) There's a site called "Preditors and Editors" that everyone says to look publishers and the like up on. If there is anything bad out on a company it will show up there. They give ratings and the straight story on how the places are run and reputations and all that. It's a scary world.
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By the way, I think you can put chapter 5B and it will show up as a new chapter that your regulars could review.
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Hmm thanks I thought I tried that but see what happens.
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Thanks 4 the info bro get on it later
Comment from ProjectBluebook
She grieves in her cage. I took note of the Shakespeare style, beginning with but, ninth line. You did your research, it is a perfect English Sonnet. This Sonnet is wrapped up in emotion. I like the sleeping scene. Words blend majestically. This was well penned. All guidelines were followed. The Bluebird lady seems sad, she is imprisoned like the little bluebird. Reminds me of the Bird Man of Alcatraz. I lie the blue hue of the ladies hair and somber look. The blue words blend so perfectly. the rhymes are exceptional. This is a marvel, in my opinion. This had to take an ample amount of time to create. Both candidates lost their love, trapped together, the bluebird sings... because it is sad, crying out of sorrow, and loneliness. Impressive piece. Do loco
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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She grieves in her cage. I took note of the Shakespeare style, beginning with but, ninth line. You did your research, it is a perfect English Sonnet. This Sonnet is wrapped up in emotion. I like the sleeping scene. Words blend majestically. This was well penned. All guidelines were followed. The Bluebird lady seems sad, she is imprisoned like the little bluebird. Reminds me of the Bird Man of Alcatraz. I lie the blue hue of the ladies hair and somber look. The blue words blend so perfectly. the rhymes are exceptional. This is a marvel, in my opinion. This had to take an ample amount of time to create. Both candidates lost their love, trapped together, the bluebird sings... because it is sad, crying out of sorrow, and loneliness. Impressive piece. Do loco
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014
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Sent you an e-mail wondering where you were. But, I see you've been around here and there. Glad to see all is well. Glad you liked this. I couldn't write one of these to save my life when I first started here, so this is a pretty big improvement for me. Even I like this one. Appreciate the big sixer and the fancy words. Thank you kindly!! mikey
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The six was well deserved. No kidding, it looked like a Shakespeare format. You even used but. The words blended together nicely, not forced and showed powerful human emotion. This was superior. I'm impressed and so should others. Yep, I'm trying to do some reviews. My cat is pestering me to play with him. Just finished a review, fixin to check out what else you have written. That other site has had my time tied up. I'm trying to like it -- but something is missing. Not enough contests. It has it's ups and downs. I'm starting to get a bit bored. I may do a contest before long, I'm probably rusty. have you posted your synopsis yet? I finally posted mine. I was wondering how you can find the other contestants' entries. Probably some steep competition. Now I'm fixin' to check out one of your earlier chapters, so I don't miss too much. Got to review... later Lion King.
Comment from Darkhorse555
such a very beautifully drawn piece from the picture awakening the senses really mike love how you painted this pice dear pal
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such a very beautifully drawn piece from the picture awakening the senses really mike love how you painted this pice dear pal
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
Comment from Loren (7)
Great! Wish I had a six left in my quiver. You've discovered a new genre you seem to excel at. I'm a bit envious as these things elude me. But am extremely happy for you and grateful to read. Loren
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Great! Wish I had a six left in my quiver. You've discovered a new genre you seem to excel at. I'm a bit envious as these things elude me. But am extremely happy for you and grateful to read. Loren
Comment Written 26-Sep-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
Wow. You have improved leaps and bounds. You have always been an amazing poet as far as thought and imagery. This has the form nailed to perfection. A flawless moving piece.
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Wow. You have improved leaps and bounds. You have always been an amazing poet as far as thought and imagery. This has the form nailed to perfection. A flawless moving piece.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2014
Comment from Eternal Muse
Michael, this was a beautiful and touching poem, flawlessly done in iambic meter, rhyme and cadence. You adhere to a sonnet's rule to a "t", and provide a good dramatic turn in line 9. I shed a tear reading your final couplet. The art you chose is exquisite and so compelling.
My only feedback is that you use the words "takes flight" twice in two adjacent stanzas. Being that this is a site contest, I think they will be looking at this more closely.
A touching poem. Thumbs up. Thank you for responding to the challenge.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
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Michael, this was a beautiful and touching poem, flawlessly done in iambic meter, rhyme and cadence. You adhere to a sonnet's rule to a "t", and provide a good dramatic turn in line 9. I shed a tear reading your final couplet. The art you chose is exquisite and so compelling.
My only feedback is that you use the words "takes flight" twice in two adjacent stanzas. Being that this is a site contest, I think they will be looking at this more closely.
A touching poem. Thumbs up. Thank you for responding to the challenge.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014
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What a lovely review. So appreciated coming from you. I did spend considerably more time on this than I usually do! I'll be, I never noticed that before. "takes flight"! Now I can't see anything else. Hahaha. I must've read it a thousand times. I can't fiddle with it anymore can I? Not sure if they are already looking at them or how it works. Well, thank you so much. This is by far my best sonnet. You scared me into it!! mikey
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You are probably going to win, Mike. You always do (smile)
Comment from Acquired Taste
Dark, haunting, brooding - give me a bit and I'll find some more "ing" words to describe your sonnet. But 'twas love I killed - terrific ending. Very much like your color scheme - photo is perfect - but the colors truly add to the sense of sorrow. Good luck with the entry. AT=/
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Dark, haunting, brooding - give me a bit and I'll find some more "ing" words to describe your sonnet. But 'twas love I killed - terrific ending. Very much like your color scheme - photo is perfect - but the colors truly add to the sense of sorrow. Good luck with the entry. AT=/
Comment Written 25-Sep-2014
Comment from w.j.debi
The story you tell is so tragic and sweet. Excellent meter. The formatting is awesome. The colors add to the mystery and sadness of the story, as does the picture.
Best of luck in the contest.
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The story you tell is so tragic and sweet. Excellent meter. The formatting is awesome. The colors add to the mystery and sadness of the story, as does the picture.
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2014
