Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "An Ancient Embrace: Part Two"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
22 total reviews
Comment from trimple
Hi Michael
I loved this chapter...
The only negative for me, was the fight with the mammoth. I felt as if, given your amazing strength at conjuring up a scene, that you would have shed more depth/blood and guts, or perhaps a more intense battle between them all.
The overall feeling I had was that you were ina rush to get the next chapter done.
Sowwy to sound so negative, but I am just being honest.
Otherwise a brilliant write.
kind regards
trimple:)
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014
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Hi Michael
I loved this chapter...
The only negative for me, was the fight with the mammoth. I felt as if, given your amazing strength at conjuring up a scene, that you would have shed more depth/blood and guts, or perhaps a more intense battle between them all.
The overall feeling I had was that you were ina rush to get the next chapter done.
Sowwy to sound so negative, but I am just being honest.
Otherwise a brilliant write.
kind regards
trimple:)
Comment Written 30-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014
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No, not negative at all. That is exactly the kind of feedback I hope for. This story has veered from the original, so I'm writing off the top of my head for the most part. That feeling may be right on the money. So, this is something I'd want to keep in mind when editing. I took a look at it and you are correct, I was thinking ahead. Sometimes I get this "okay this, this and this happens and now!! here is some good stuff". I copy and paste all of the reviews for novels in word for editing time, if I ever get there. Hahaha. Great input, most appreciated. I've actually read this chapter once, when I wrote it. I'm more focused on where things are headed now. I was still fumbling around a bit here. mikey
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Hi Michael.
No need to explain honey, I could read exactly what was going on in your mind when reading this. LOL
It's all there in the tapestry, just that when first put out there, we set the frame, then tighten up the threads afterwards. :)
Great writing, and so many original names too :)
Comment from Linda Engel
What a great story. The concept is amazing and hopeful. How many time shave we said that person was my soul mate.
Very good dialog and description of the time period. good characterization and an awesome story with in itself. It is a very creative concept to have these two souls meet up again and again through out their existence. Glad I got in at the beginning on this one.
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What a great story. The concept is amazing and hopeful. How many time shave we said that person was my soul mate.
Very good dialog and description of the time period. good characterization and an awesome story with in itself. It is a very creative concept to have these two souls meet up again and again through out their existence. Glad I got in at the beginning on this one.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
Comment from faragon
I like the battle scene of this segment although it did seem a liitle short, but then again Mammoths against little humans would probably not take much effort. Good story so far.
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I like the battle scene of this segment although it did seem a liitle short, but then again Mammoths against little humans would probably not take much effort. Good story so far.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Can't imagine going after a woolly mammoth with only a spear and high hopes. Life was cruel and harsh. Where did those kids go? A very unusual and interesting story, Mikey. I'll keep following!
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Can't imagine going after a woolly mammoth with only a spear and high hopes. Life was cruel and harsh. Where did those kids go? A very unusual and interesting story, Mikey. I'll keep following!
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
Comment from Sankey
Interesting, curious as is your style old mate. Sticking with it to see where it all goes. I wonder if this is more for the younger age group? One little spag.
We continue now as the(y) tribe is about to set forth on the hunt.
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Interesting, curious as is your style old mate. Sticking with it to see where it all goes. I wonder if this is more for the younger age group? One little spag.
We continue now as the(y) tribe is about to set forth on the hunt.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
Comment from adewpearl
a sign from the Gods - the gods
They have had plenty of experience - They had
She is with the Gods - the gods - only capitalize God when it's a monotheistic religion that calls their only deity "God" as his proper name
good action verbs in the mammoth attack sequence
good dialogue
Brooke
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a sign from the Gods - the gods
They have had plenty of experience - They had
She is with the Gods - the gods - only capitalize God when it's a monotheistic religion that calls their only deity "God" as his proper name
good action verbs in the mammoth attack sequence
good dialogue
Brooke
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, you have done an excellent preparatory write in this installment. It is creative and interesting. Reincarnation is always a great vehicle to tell a story, though it is questionable as to who is doing the reincarnating in reality. Nice work. :0 GracieAnn
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Mikey, you have done an excellent preparatory write in this installment. It is creative and interesting. Reincarnation is always a great vehicle to tell a story, though it is questionable as to who is doing the reincarnating in reality. Nice work. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Mike,
done a great job here creating the scene with that very familiar narrative tone you have been using so effectively... you're moving along nicely and I'm excited to see where you are going to take this... maybe a sign of the times? sorta like the time machine sequences... so where's your dial going to stop next? By the title of your next chapter... another dangerous adventure... well written Mike.
With our thoughts we create,
a mammoth ending,
James.
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Hi Mike,
done a great job here creating the scene with that very familiar narrative tone you have been using so effectively... you're moving along nicely and I'm excited to see where you are going to take this... maybe a sign of the times? sorta like the time machine sequences... so where's your dial going to stop next? By the title of your next chapter... another dangerous adventure... well written Mike.
With our thoughts we create,
a mammoth ending,
James.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
Comment from Nosha17
This was well written with the explanations about when they had experienced this battle before, in an earlier time. The action scenes were well described and it had tender moments, too. Enjoyable read. Faye
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This was well written with the explanations about when they had experienced this battle before, in an earlier time. The action scenes were well described and it had tender moments, too. Enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
Comment from Sasha
As usual, I have no suggestions other than to say I am really enjoying this. I like how you are presenting it. Really fascinating stuff!
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As usual, I have no suggestions other than to say I am really enjoying this. I like how you are presenting it. Really fascinating stuff!
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
