Panic and Adrenaline
What do you do?36 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
Great take on the double-cross, a shot of noir that just speeds along. Your narration does an excellent job of drawing in the reader. I felt like I was there in the bank.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Great take on the double-cross, a shot of noir that just speeds along. Your narration does an excellent job of drawing in the reader. I felt like I was there in the bank.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Thank you Raven for your wonderful review and comment.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Excellent terror tale, DerivedBetter, and that twist at the end there was a real...killer.
Seems as if ole Eddie got his comeuppance, if you will, and will not only no longer have to listen to anymore of Richard's "stupid stories", as he so eloquently put it, but he also will no longer have to split his take from the banks he robs. That is as long as he's able to get away with it.
The narrative felt very natural, genuine, and I didn't detect a single typo, grammar or punctuational error. That alone is worth the six stars in my book.
Excellent write, and best of luck to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Excellent terror tale, DerivedBetter, and that twist at the end there was a real...killer.
Seems as if ole Eddie got his comeuppance, if you will, and will not only no longer have to listen to anymore of Richard's "stupid stories", as he so eloquently put it, but he also will no longer have to split his take from the banks he robs. That is as long as he's able to get away with it.
The narrative felt very natural, genuine, and I didn't detect a single typo, grammar or punctuational error. That alone is worth the six stars in my book.
Excellent write, and best of luck to you in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Dean,
I'm honored by your rating and truly appreciate it. Thank you very much!
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It was my pleasure, DB. An excellent story, with a fantastic twist.
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hello there~!
Oh my God! This work is amazing! It's like one of those fanfics where the reader becomes part of the story. Well Done!
Good Luck!
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)-<~~KAUSAR~~>-(^_^)
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Hello there~!
Oh my God! This work is amazing! It's like one of those fanfics where the reader becomes part of the story. Well Done!
Good Luck!
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)-<~~KAUSAR~~>-(^_^)
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Amazing, wow. Great word. Thank you for the excellent review and for your time!
Comment from Muffins
I was hooked from the start. This is a classic double cross story. You had me fool in Richard's part until the very end. My mouth dropped opened. He just drop the pregnant woman on the street to bleed to death. The set up is creative and no one would suspect Richard of being part of the robbery. Eddie, is the guy who has to prove something. His ending shock me as well as Richard. Great story.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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I was hooked from the start. This is a classic double cross story. You had me fool in Richard's part until the very end. My mouth dropped opened. He just drop the pregnant woman on the street to bleed to death. The set up is creative and no one would suspect Richard of being part of the robbery. Eddie, is the guy who has to prove something. His ending shock me as well as Richard. Great story.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Muffins...thank you tremendously for the six stars. It is very much appreciated, and I'm happy that you were entertained.
Comment from adewpearl
You convey the intense emotions of the panicked people in this situation most effectively
No problem, son - add comma for direct address
You really do a great job of getting inside the narrator's inner thoughts in this emotionally-charged and highly dramatic scene - a stunner of an ending
Brooke
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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You convey the intense emotions of the panicked people in this situation most effectively
No problem, son - add comma for direct address
You really do a great job of getting inside the narrator's inner thoughts in this emotionally-charged and highly dramatic scene - a stunner of an ending
Brooke
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Thanks for taking the time to read and for the awesome review.
Comment from pfwelder
This was a very interesting read. The sentence I look at my watch was the only clue that it was not happening at that moment because it was not in past tense. I really wondered about that until I read Eddie then I decided they were discussing what might happen. The line I dropped the bitch and the shocked expression on his face confused me again. It was like that did happen. I know it is up to the reader to figure out what they are reading but you do have a devious mind and a mysterious way of plotting your stories. Good luck with this contest entry. Of course I think you should win.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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This was a very interesting read. The sentence I look at my watch was the only clue that it was not happening at that moment because it was not in past tense. I really wondered about that until I read Eddie then I decided they were discussing what might happen. The line I dropped the bitch and the shocked expression on his face confused me again. It was like that did happen. I know it is up to the reader to figure out what they are reading but you do have a devious mind and a mysterious way of plotting your stories. Good luck with this contest entry. Of course I think you should win.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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I like to pepper my stories with little clues, but hopefully never quite give anything away. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it. Thanks for taking the time.
Comment from Genya
Really enjoyed reading this. I was hooked from the start. Very clever putting the shift in the second part of this story. Excellent description throughout and strong dialogue between characters. A well crafted story which looks like being a strong contender in the contest. Genya
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Really enjoyed reading this. I was hooked from the start. Very clever putting the shift in the second part of this story. Excellent description throughout and strong dialogue between characters. A well crafted story which looks like being a strong contender in the contest. Genya
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Genya, what music to my ears. Thank you for the excellent review.
Comment from c_lucas
A double cross after the dies are thrown. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a vey interesting read. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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A double cross after the dies are thrown. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a vey interesting read. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Yup. Thanks for the excellent review C.
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You're welcome, DB. Charlie
Comment from Hareem.S
This is a very good piece. I love how it starts , with vivid descriptions that paints a clear picture in the readers mind and captures his/her interest. It was a pleasure to read it.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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This is a very good piece. I love how it starts , with vivid descriptions that paints a clear picture in the readers mind and captures his/her interest. It was a pleasure to read it.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Hareem, I'm glad that you liked it and enjoyed it. Thanks for the excellent review.
Comment from James Dooney
Nice piece of work here. Your sentence surely did this story indeed ! I feel you have a strong entry for the prompt so good luck !
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Nice piece of work here. Your sentence surely did this story indeed ! I feel you have a strong entry for the prompt so good luck !
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Thanks James it is much appreciated!
