haibun (a needed rest)
haibun-contest entry34 total reviews
Comment from amanda98653
Yay! You won!!!!!
Superb descriptions and beautiful alliteration:
"Orchids, some with smiling faces, others pondering. A festive floral color riot. A river dances with the breeze. A salmon slaps the surface."
"He follows, intoxicated. They embrace. The perfect picture. Innocents entwined under the laden apple tree."
Just wondering: Did they have sex? I mean he "cometh" ..so something must've happened. ( My interpretation)
"The moon is rising a silky silver."
I love the word "silky"! It's so smooth! Reminds me of cupcake frosting!!
hugs
Amanda
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Yay! You won!!!!!
Superb descriptions and beautiful alliteration:
"Orchids, some with smiling faces, others pondering. A festive floral color riot. A river dances with the breeze. A salmon slaps the surface."
"He follows, intoxicated. They embrace. The perfect picture. Innocents entwined under the laden apple tree."
Just wondering: Did they have sex? I mean he "cometh" ..so something must've happened. ( My interpretation)
"The moon is rising a silky silver."
I love the word "silky"! It's so smooth! Reminds me of cupcake frosting!!
hugs
Amanda
Comment Written 17-Aug-2014
Comment from Darkhorse555
loved the picture you drew in these words moon is rising a silky silver. Stars wink in approval well deserved first place mikey really very beautifully painted piece
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loved the picture you drew in these words moon is rising a silky silver. Stars wink in approval well deserved first place mikey really very beautifully painted piece
Comment Written 14-Aug-2014
Comment from ravenblack
I know you are one of the open-minded who see Adam and Eve as parable, evolution as fact not divorced from creationism so no arguments. I like your playful approach- monkeyshines, crocodile cruises, parrot parrots- idyllic almost in an innocent, cartoonish way. And then along comes man. So much for paradise. Congrats on the win.
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I know you are one of the open-minded who see Adam and Eve as parable, evolution as fact not divorced from creationism so no arguments. I like your playful approach- monkeyshines, crocodile cruises, parrot parrots- idyllic almost in an innocent, cartoonish way. And then along comes man. So much for paradise. Congrats on the win.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
Comment from l.raven
Michael this is really well thought of....all of Gods living creatures....and the man came forth...what can I say...so very well written..you...Love it...Luff Linda xxoo
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Michael this is really well thought of....all of Gods living creatures....and the man came forth...what can I say...so very well written..you...Love it...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 12-Aug-2014
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Michael: A well needed rest. Man at his best and worst with the beauty of the garden. You did a terrific job describing Paradise and passion. A summer evening and then man makes a mistake. Top notch for the contest.
flylikeaneagle
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Michael: A well needed rest. Man at his best and worst with the beauty of the garden. You did a terrific job describing Paradise and passion. A summer evening and then man makes a mistake. Top notch for the contest.
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 12-Aug-2014
Comment from krys123
Mikey;
I found that your haibun was written to the specification and requirements for the contest. Your haiku especially was done very well with very descriptive first two lines in your third line of satori, to me anyway, summed up your thought process very well.
I enjoyed your prose very much is very enlightening in many ways is it expressed and described, through your wonderful imagery, the many facets of a beautiful landscape:
"A festive floral color riot". Is superbly expressive when it comes to describing a landscape.
Good luck in the contest and thank you so much for sharing and posting this Mikey for everyone to read and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
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Mikey;
I found that your haibun was written to the specification and requirements for the contest. Your haiku especially was done very well with very descriptive first two lines in your third line of satori, to me anyway, summed up your thought process very well.
I enjoyed your prose very much is very enlightening in many ways is it expressed and described, through your wonderful imagery, the many facets of a beautiful landscape:
"A festive floral color riot". Is superbly expressive when it comes to describing a landscape.
Good luck in the contest and thank you so much for sharing and posting this Mikey for everyone to read and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 12-Aug-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
I'm thinking you should win this contest. Kudos for taking on such a daunting challenge. This seemed, to me, to not only follow the rules to a "t," but also created something lyrical and evocative. A very difficult thing to do, I would imagine. Congratulations on a job very well done.
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I'm thinking you should win this contest. Kudos for taking on such a daunting challenge. This seemed, to me, to not only follow the rules to a "t," but also created something lyrical and evocative. A very difficult thing to do, I would imagine. Congratulations on a job very well done.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2014
Comment from Bill Schott
I see that in your eloquent retelling of the creation and the first people in the garden you left out , in your larger story, the fall. This is something you allude to in the haiku. Nicely worded and full of the irony of the story.
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I see that in your eloquent retelling of the creation and the first people in the garden you left out , in your larger story, the fall. This is something you allude to in the haiku. Nicely worded and full of the irony of the story.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2014
Comment from Judy Couch
Interesting. It appears to follow the prompt perfectly with short choppy sentences and since it is prose, the sentences are capitalized and punctuated appropriatel. I loved the haiku at the end. The prose did an excellent job of building up to it. God's creation was perfect -- but man cometh. Great ending.
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Interesting. It appears to follow the prompt perfectly with short choppy sentences and since it is prose, the sentences are capitalized and punctuated appropriatel. I loved the haiku at the end. The prose did an excellent job of building up to it. God's creation was perfect -- but man cometh. Great ending.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2014
Comment from trimple
I must have read this the first time with my eyes closed.
Here I am again writing this review.
My Oh My this is simply spectacular. Do get this published!
A fantastic Haiburn poem that encapsulates humanity and his ghastly stake in the whole proceedings.
Slap in the face excellent haiku to follow.
In my pocket I search, fingering the edges, alas I have but six stars to give for this most brilliant poem.
Trimple x
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I must have read this the first time with my eyes closed.
Here I am again writing this review.
My Oh My this is simply spectacular. Do get this published!
A fantastic Haiburn poem that encapsulates humanity and his ghastly stake in the whole proceedings.
Slap in the face excellent haiku to follow.
In my pocket I search, fingering the edges, alas I have but six stars to give for this most brilliant poem.
Trimple x
Comment Written 12-Aug-2014
