The Circus is Here!
Lots of excitement for the Hedgerow Friends28 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Once again you thrill and delight with your lovely children's tale - you really manage a language so perfect for kids (of ALL ages)! This is wonderfully exciting, and so full of imagery, Sandra! Just lovely!
One tiny nit I'll pick:
"They were already down at..." << here I would repeat 'their friends', instead of 'they', only because Timmy and Tommy are plural as well, so it seems just a bit less confusing to me...?
An absolute joy to read!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Once again you thrill and delight with your lovely children's tale - you really manage a language so perfect for kids (of ALL ages)! This is wonderfully exciting, and so full of imagery, Sandra! Just lovely!
One tiny nit I'll pick:
"They were already down at..." << here I would repeat 'their friends', instead of 'they', only because Timmy and Tommy are plural as well, so it seems just a bit less confusing to me...?
An absolute joy to read!
Comment Written 03-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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LOl, I thought I had caught them all and stamped on them. Yes, you are right, and I will use your suggestion and change it. Thank you Dawn, I am really pleased you liked it, I do value your words a lot. :) xsx
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Oops - I saw one more I forgot to mention! The word you've hyphenated (no one) is two words. (Sorry!) Thanks for being so gracious, Sandra - it makes it SO much easier when we know the author isn't going to get all bent out of shape over insignificant little nits we ALL need help spotting. :))
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It makes me cross when I read of people being rude when reviewers are only trying to help. I always ask for reviewers to look for any flaws in my work. Isn't that was this site is all about? To help each other. I look at some of my work that I wrote years ago, thinking how brilliant it was, and what a wonderful poet I was, and it is rubbish! LOL. I have learnt so much from being on here, and I know I have masses more to learn. So, Dawn, if you see a nit, let me know so I can stamp on it! lol.
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Oh, ditto, please! I agree completely. :)
Comment from Ric Myworld
When I was a little boy I loved the circus so much that after seeing it listed in the paper, I slipped off and rode the city bus downtown in hopes of joining up. My parents were in a panic when they couldn't find me. So, after searching the neighborhoods they called the police. It was dusk when I finally got home and tried to pretend I was at the park, not realizing that either way my hide was about to get a tanning. Thanks for the fun read. :-)
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014
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When I was a little boy I loved the circus so much that after seeing it listed in the paper, I slipped off and rode the city bus downtown in hopes of joining up. My parents were in a panic when they couldn't find me. So, after searching the neighborhoods they called the police. It was dusk when I finally got home and tried to pretend I was at the park, not realizing that either way my hide was about to get a tanning. Thanks for the fun read. :-)
Comment Written 02-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014
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LOL, we were terrible kids really, when you think what we put our parents through. I did the same as you, but went to the fair. When they found me, the pain from the smack on the bottom was well worth it! LOL. Thank you, Ric, for this really funny review. xsx sandra
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LOL, I was the worst kid ever. My dad says I showed my first signs of growing up at 47, but just when he began to believe it might be possible, that I reverted back to the real me. :-)
Comment from Sonaleeka
Title is very captivating..Fiction is sometime very difficult write..when your imagination halts at certain point..But you did a great job..I loved it..
God bless! Have a nice day
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Title is very captivating..Fiction is sometime very difficult write..when your imagination halts at certain point..But you did a great job..I loved it..
God bless! Have a nice day
Comment Written 01-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much, Sonaleeka, what a lovely review. I am delighted you enjoyed it! :) Sandra
Comment from Treischel
Very well told story about the circus that came to town. Told i a manner kids can grasp well. It moved along very well with convincing detail. Enough overview of the acts to be realistic and exciting. Nicely done!
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Very well told story about the circus that came to town. Told i a manner kids can grasp well. It moved along very well with convincing detail. Enough overview of the acts to be realistic and exciting. Nicely done!
Comment Written 30-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much, Tom. It is hard to get the right mix, so I am doubly delighted with your review. Thank you! :) Sandra
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello, my sweet friend,
OO! The circus ... such FUN! Well, Ms. Enid Blyton 2 ... I loved it! That Miss Tilda the Toad sounds like one hot, gymnastic amphibian!! Good thing Kermit hasn't met her - Miss Piggy would be very insecure.
Nothing of grave significance to highlight. Good girl!
Are you recovering well and feel better, dear? Praying for you.
Hugs and kisses,
All my love,
Until next time,
Sonali xxx
...a big blue (spotlight) flashed on and spun speedily around
The crowd (all) stood up clapping and cheering as (all) the performers came back into the ring. They (all) walked around, waving to everyone who had come to watch them. Then Bengie Bear stood in the centre of the ring with his arms in the air. When everyone was hushed, he thanked them (all) for being so nice to them and promised they would be back again next year. .. you have several 'all's here. Drop one or two (or ALL!) perhaps?
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Hello, my sweet friend,
OO! The circus ... such FUN! Well, Ms. Enid Blyton 2 ... I loved it! That Miss Tilda the Toad sounds like one hot, gymnastic amphibian!! Good thing Kermit hasn't met her - Miss Piggy would be very insecure.
Nothing of grave significance to highlight. Good girl!
Are you recovering well and feel better, dear? Praying for you.
Hugs and kisses,
All my love,
Until next time,
Sonali xxx
...a big blue (spotlight) flashed on and spun speedily around
The crowd (all) stood up clapping and cheering as (all) the performers came back into the ring. They (all) walked around, waving to everyone who had come to watch them. Then Bengie Bear stood in the centre of the ring with his arms in the air. When everyone was hushed, he thanked them (all) for being so nice to them and promised they would be back again next year. .. you have several 'all's here. Drop one or two (or ALL!) perhaps?
Comment Written 30-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Why on earth didn't I see that? All those 'alls' goodness me! Thank you so very much, Sonali, you are a sweetheart! I have taken out all but one of the. They were not needed and didn't need another word to replace them either. I had to laugh at Kermit with the 'hot' Miss Tilda. I don't think Miss Piggy would have allowed her to get away with it. LOL. Thank you so much my lovely friend. xsx Sandra
Comment from LIJ Red
Nit! Typo on Bengie bear's intro. Good kid yarn, I guess.
I'm old in the world of the old, but it looks okay to me.
So I'll say, five on this one.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2014
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Nit! Typo on Bengie bear's intro. Good kid yarn, I guess.
I'm old in the world of the old, but it looks okay to me.
So I'll say, five on this one.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2014
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Gosh, thank you for that, I have read this so many times, my eyes boggle. No one else picked it up either, so very well spotted. I'm glad it looked okay to you! LOL, Thanks again. :) Sandra xsx
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
What a wonderful and very whimsical story. The entire hedgerow group attends the circus for the very first time in their young lives. Your vivid scenes brings this to life and you were able to capture their joy and glee even though this is a fictional story.
You brought back a memory that goes back 60 years in my life. Thank you Sandra, I very much appreciate it.
I will send you an email soon. Lots of love to you my friend,,,,,,,,Jim xxx
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2014
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What a wonderful and very whimsical story. The entire hedgerow group attends the circus for the very first time in their young lives. Your vivid scenes brings this to life and you were able to capture their joy and glee even though this is a fictional story.
You brought back a memory that goes back 60 years in my life. Thank you Sandra, I very much appreciate it.
I will send you an email soon. Lots of love to you my friend,,,,,,,,Jim xxx
Comment Written 30-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2014
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Jim, I have missed you! Thank you so much my dear friend. I haven't been on here much, I've been in hospital and had the total knee replacement, hurts like hell!! How are you? Well, I hope. You weren't very happy a little while ago and was thinking of moving back. What do you think now? Do e-mail me. Love you lots, my friend. xsx Sandra xsx
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Sandra.
What a delightful story for young children. The idea of a circus is always entertaining, filled with excitement and thrills. You showed this well, using great visuals and dialogue.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2014
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Hi, Sandra.
What a delightful story for young children. The idea of a circus is always entertaining, filled with excitement and thrills. You showed this well, using great visuals and dialogue.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 30-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Rosalyne, I am delighted you enjoyed it. :) Sandra
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Sandra,
Sing along, girl. A nitpicking we go, a nitpicking we go, hi ho the merry o a nitpicking we go.
The paragraph starting with: W...wow! Just add an extra space before typing 'They turned...' No hyphen needed with No-one
This is a terrific story for the kiddies. They will love the alliterative names. You did a fine job incorporating the characters with the descriptive action of the circus.
I sure hope Millie isn't going to try to fly. As a kid, I jumped off the couch (mimicking superman) and sprained my arm, lol,
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2014
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Hi Sandra,
Sing along, girl. A nitpicking we go, a nitpicking we go, hi ho the merry o a nitpicking we go.
The paragraph starting with: W...wow! Just add an extra space before typing 'They turned...' No hyphen needed with No-one
This is a terrific story for the kiddies. They will love the alliterative names. You did a fine job incorporating the characters with the descriptive action of the circus.
I sure hope Millie isn't going to try to fly. As a kid, I jumped off the couch (mimicking superman) and sprained my arm, lol,
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 30-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2014
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LOL, Lou!! Thanks for tracking down those pesky nits, I'll just pop in and whack them one! I am so pleased you enjoyed this story, and, no, Millie won't be jumping off the couch, BUT, she will be up to something! :) Sequel coming soon! xsx Big hugs, Sandra.
Comment from jmdg1954
Sandra, I'm the last person to make "nits or SPAG" suggestions. I'm always the recipient.
What I can say is that I would love to read your stories to my grandchildren. Your charectors are colorful, fun to read and interesting.
Keep up the excellent work. John
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2014
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Sandra, I'm the last person to make "nits or SPAG" suggestions. I'm always the recipient.
What I can say is that I would love to read your stories to my grandchildren. Your charectors are colorful, fun to read and interesting.
Keep up the excellent work. John
Comment Written 30-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2014
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Nice to know I am not the only one! Grammar was never my strong point, I am finding that out more since joining FS! Still, it is a good thing when we are put right. :) Thank you, John, your reviews are always so nice, I'm pleased you enjoyed it. (Hope you grandchildren do too! xsx Sandra
