Short Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Senryu (Child's Paper Boat Sinks)"A Collection Of Short Form Poetry
10 total reviews
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the picture. I love the poem. Our waters do look like naughty children had been at play. We sink our own boats. We need to grow up and take better care of our world. Great work.
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I love the picture. I love the poem. Our waters do look like naughty children had been at play. We sink our own boats. We need to grow up and take better care of our world. Great work.
Comment Written 12-May-2014
Comment from mermaids
Your words convey the message of man's destruction of the earth. An eery feeling comes through when I read dinosaur remnants. Excellent tanka form that brings forth feelings and maybe action to help preserve the environment.
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Your words convey the message of man's destruction of the earth. An eery feeling comes through when I read dinosaur remnants. Excellent tanka form that brings forth feelings and maybe action to help preserve the environment.
Comment Written 12-May-2014
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a senryu that approaches the idea of humanity through our childish approach to the survival of the planet. We play as though our parents will never come home. Nice.
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This is a senryu that approaches the idea of humanity through our childish approach to the survival of the planet. We play as though our parents will never come home. Nice.
Comment Written 12-May-2014
Comment from Debra White
Hi :) This is a great entry for the contest. Hard hitting and very well put together. I thought the final line was especially good. Wishing you all the best of luck in the booth. Kindest regards, Debra :)
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Hi :) This is a great entry for the contest. Hard hitting and very well put together. I thought the final line was especially good. Wishing you all the best of luck in the booth. Kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment Written 12-May-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
meets the parameters. I like them last five beats the best. Kind of sad. Poor kid's paper boat going under. I'm sure, you sailed paper boats in ponds, under bridges and disappear, when you was a lass'. Great entry for the contest. Good luck. I see--six ducklings swim by a paper boat, the duck's wake scuttles the paper boat. Count your doubloons.
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meets the parameters. I like them last five beats the best. Kind of sad. Poor kid's paper boat going under. I'm sure, you sailed paper boats in ponds, under bridges and disappear, when you was a lass'. Great entry for the contest. Good luck. I see--six ducklings swim by a paper boat, the duck's wake scuttles the paper boat. Count your doubloons.
Comment Written 11-May-2014
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well done, Mikey. Man often looks at Mother Nature as his personal playground, caring little for what he does with his man-made toys as he places them in our oceans, or, paper boats, in this particular case, uses them to churn up our land by strip mining, and defiles our rivers and streams with pollution from his factories. He chops down her lush forests for money making timber, spews poisons into her life-giving atmosphere with tons of cubic feet of carbon monoxide exhaust, and displaces the wildlife, then complains when he hits a deer with his $65,000.00 automobile.
Yeah, I'm certain Mother Earth is just lying in wait for her chances to get even...
Best of luck to you in the contest.
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Well done, Mikey. Man often looks at Mother Nature as his personal playground, caring little for what he does with his man-made toys as he places them in our oceans, or, paper boats, in this particular case, uses them to churn up our land by strip mining, and defiles our rivers and streams with pollution from his factories. He chops down her lush forests for money making timber, spews poisons into her life-giving atmosphere with tons of cubic feet of carbon monoxide exhaust, and displaces the wildlife, then complains when he hits a deer with his $65,000.00 automobile.
Yeah, I'm certain Mother Earth is just lying in wait for her chances to get even...
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Comment Written 11-May-2014
Comment from Leineco
child's paper boat sinks
man decorates coral reef
dinosaur remnants
If I get the gist of this, you are observing man's tendency to "play with his toys" without concern for their impact on the environment - treating both his toys and the earth as disposable. . .and how, in the end, man and his toys will be nothing more that dinosaur artifacts.
interesting write :-)
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child's paper boat sinks
man decorates coral reef
dinosaur remnants
If I get the gist of this, you are observing man's tendency to "play with his toys" without concern for their impact on the environment - treating both his toys and the earth as disposable. . .and how, in the end, man and his toys will be nothing more that dinosaur artifacts.
interesting write :-)
Comment Written 11-May-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
This is penned perfectly. I love how you equate the foolish destruction of our environment to the play of children. That is so apt. Big children eith bigger toys that are full of oil. Ooooops. There goes the ecosystem. NG
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This is penned perfectly. I love how you equate the foolish destruction of our environment to the play of children. That is so apt. Big children eith bigger toys that are full of oil. Ooooops. There goes the ecosystem. NG
Comment Written 11-May-2014
Comment from TAB_that's me
Interesting little poem in perfect senryu form. It has the correct syllable count. Good luck to you in the contest.
Teresa
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Interesting little poem in perfect senryu form. It has the correct syllable count. Good luck to you in the contest.
Teresa
Comment Written 11-May-2014
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
I had to look up the Exxon Valdez in your notes to get an idea of what your meaning is here. I suppose the oil spill would have "decorated" the coral reef with oil, and that the oil made the child's boat sink. I'm thinking this might make the poem qualify for the irony/satire necessary for a good senryu. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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I had to look up the Exxon Valdez in your notes to get an idea of what your meaning is here. I suppose the oil spill would have "decorated" the coral reef with oil, and that the oil made the child's boat sink. I'm thinking this might make the poem qualify for the irony/satire necessary for a good senryu. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 11-May-2014
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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Hi. I like your take. I was thinking that the oil tanker was akin to the child's paper boat, one of mankind's toys as we ruin our environment like children. I think your interpretation is just as good or better. Thank you for your thoughtful response.
