Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 48 "The End & The Beginning"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
18 total reviews
Comment from nelliesellie
I loved the story. It is a brave new beginning. You are right. It might end up the same way. But It is a new chance. People will get over their relief and find reasons to fight. But maybe you can better ways to end the fight. Great work. Can not wait to see it in print.
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I loved the story. It is a brave new beginning. You are right. It might end up the same way. But It is a new chance. People will get over their relief and find reasons to fight. But maybe you can better ways to end the fight. Great work. Can not wait to see it in print.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
Comment from Sasha
See, I told you, you could do this without any help from me and I was right. Terrific work with this an a superb ending. Some things just never change. I enjoyed this immensely and offer you a 6 for the entire book. Absolutely great work!
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See, I told you, you could do this without any help from me and I was right. Terrific work with this an a superb ending. Some things just never change. I enjoyed this immensely and offer you a 6 for the entire book. Absolutely great work!
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
Comment from Sankey
Good work mate. Glad I stayed till the end?? Hmm End?? I picked up some stuff looks to me like you had a kind of Noah's ark on the bit of land that was left huh!
as it wished (too)
Spag I think did you want 'to' here? Or even end it with "wished" is ok.
to name (come?)
look a head(p?) different
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Good work mate. Glad I stayed till the end?? Hmm End?? I picked up some stuff looks to me like you had a kind of Noah's ark on the bit of land that was left huh!
as it wished (too)
Spag I think did you want 'to' here? Or even end it with "wished" is ok.
to name (come?)
look a head(p?) different
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
Comment from seaglass
Starting over, just like after Noah's ark, except with more people. wouldn't it be wonderful if we could start over without all the problems 'oil' has caused the world. Great book, now time to think of you next adventure.
"or we're gone (to)" This should be (too)
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Starting over, just like after Noah's ark, except with more people. wouldn't it be wonderful if we could start over without all the problems 'oil' has caused the world. Great book, now time to think of you next adventure.
"or we're gone (to)" This should be (too)
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
Comment from djsaxon
Hey mikey. Provocative, philosophical, and intriguing last chapter. Really enjoyable read. Both dialogue and narrative are strong. Now comes the edit - I so hate that process. All those clever turns of phrase that ultimately fall victim to Ctrl D (as they should). Nice write. I will not presume to make any suggestions. The choices are yours. Trust your gut - DJ
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Hey mikey. Provocative, philosophical, and intriguing last chapter. Really enjoyable read. Both dialogue and narrative are strong. Now comes the edit - I so hate that process. All those clever turns of phrase that ultimately fall victim to Ctrl D (as they should). Nice write. I will not presume to make any suggestions. The choices are yours. Trust your gut - DJ
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
Comment from CR Delport
I think this is a fitting end to a nice read. It was a pity about Carlos. One thing about humanity, it always seem to find a way to survive. This 6 is not just for this chapter, but for the book as a whole. Well done.
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I think this is a fitting end to a nice read. It was a pity about Carlos. One thing about humanity, it always seem to find a way to survive. This 6 is not just for this chapter, but for the book as a whole. Well done.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Congratulations Mikey. I hope you get this published some day. You done it in a professional manner and was exciting. I wish I could say I finished a novel. I got a long ways to go. Now I wonder what is on the menu. I now you are contemplating another great novel. It's kind of sad to see the dead end. Like a person has passed away. I wish I could end this one in six stars , I'm bone dry. Oh, me, my blisters hurt so good. I'm speechless. wackydo Shazam Batman--it's fracking Star day!! live long and prosper.
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Congratulations Mikey. I hope you get this published some day. You done it in a professional manner and was exciting. I wish I could say I finished a novel. I got a long ways to go. Now I wonder what is on the menu. I now you are contemplating another great novel. It's kind of sad to see the dead end. Like a person has passed away. I wish I could end this one in six stars , I'm bone dry. Oh, me, my blisters hurt so good. I'm speechless. wackydo Shazam Batman--it's fracking Star day!! live long and prosper.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
Comment from nor84
"Everyone. Now! We need your help(.)" What follows is an action, i.e., taking up the chant, so the section inside the quotes ends in a period.
Too many repeats of 'Everyone'. I see it four times up to the beginning of the third paragraph.
Ricky took over. "Everyone(,) we are going to my right.>>this is direct address. He's speaking to 'Everyone' and so a comma follows the word to separate it from the rest of the sentence. If he had ended the sentence with the word, the comma would have been placed before it.
Christine yelled out, "Run!">>> better as: "Run!" Christine yelled. Don't need 'yelled out.'
Jen didn't move.
Jen sat there holding Carlos in her arms unmoving.>>>Probably don't need both of these sentences.
Linda implored her, "Jen, he's gone! We've got to get out of here, or we're gone to.">>>better as:
"Jen, he's gone(.) We've got to get out of here, or we're gone to(,)" Linda implored. It's clear she's talking to Jen, so you don't need to add 'her' to the speech tag.
From a safe distance, we watched the sea take what it wished(.) [ as arrogantly as it wished too (to).] Stronger if it ends after 'wished'>>>'too' means 'also' or 'in addition'.
We wearily walked towards the bunker to the sound of laughter and the smell of food and even music.>>>I suggest We walked towards the bunker and the sounds of laughter and music, the smell of food. Otherwise, it sounds like they're laughing and singing as they walk to the bunker, and I don't think that's what you mean.
When Rhonda speaks, she says 'though' quite a bit.
When Johnny turns away from Rhonda, he says 'though' too.
We often rush to the aid of our fellow man(,)(b)ut, we can turn our back(s) too.
Good ending, mikey.
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"Everyone. Now! We need your help(.)" What follows is an action, i.e., taking up the chant, so the section inside the quotes ends in a period.
Too many repeats of 'Everyone'. I see it four times up to the beginning of the third paragraph.
Ricky took over. "Everyone(,) we are going to my right.>>this is direct address. He's speaking to 'Everyone' and so a comma follows the word to separate it from the rest of the sentence. If he had ended the sentence with the word, the comma would have been placed before it.
Christine yelled out, "Run!">>> better as: "Run!" Christine yelled. Don't need 'yelled out.'
Jen didn't move.
Jen sat there holding Carlos in her arms unmoving.>>>Probably don't need both of these sentences.
Linda implored her, "Jen, he's gone! We've got to get out of here, or we're gone to.">>>better as:
"Jen, he's gone(.) We've got to get out of here, or we're gone to(,)" Linda implored. It's clear she's talking to Jen, so you don't need to add 'her' to the speech tag.
From a safe distance, we watched the sea take what it wished(.) [ as arrogantly as it wished too (to).] Stronger if it ends after 'wished'>>>'too' means 'also' or 'in addition'.
We wearily walked towards the bunker to the sound of laughter and the smell of food and even music.>>>I suggest We walked towards the bunker and the sounds of laughter and music, the smell of food. Otherwise, it sounds like they're laughing and singing as they walk to the bunker, and I don't think that's what you mean.
When Rhonda speaks, she says 'though' quite a bit.
When Johnny turns away from Rhonda, he says 'though' too.
We often rush to the aid of our fellow man(,)(b)ut, we can turn our back(s) too.
Good ending, mikey.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
