Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "Earth At War"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
16 total reviews
Comment from ragamuffin
"You just step back and watch what a couple of pissed off chicks can do." Hell yeah.
"Where is the freedom when we are slaves to our own nature?" Very thought provoking. "Freedom" isn't black and white. So much to be a slave to.
Your great and picturesque description makes me think of Luke 19:40, "... the stones will cry out." Earth isn't going to be stable forever. May have outlived it's stability already. I figure God's been holding it together, but since so many want nothing to do with Him, He'll politely step aside and let come what may. Nature is not always "polite."
Excellent and exciting chapter.
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"You just step back and watch what a couple of pissed off chicks can do." Hell yeah.
"Where is the freedom when we are slaves to our own nature?" Very thought provoking. "Freedom" isn't black and white. So much to be a slave to.
Your great and picturesque description makes me think of Luke 19:40, "... the stones will cry out." Earth isn't going to be stable forever. May have outlived it's stability already. I figure God's been holding it together, but since so many want nothing to do with Him, He'll politely step aside and let come what may. Nature is not always "polite."
Excellent and exciting chapter.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2014
Comment from Michaelk
I love it! The people turning on their own captors, earth joining the fray, lightning crashing all around. I do have one pet peeve, this had better not be Johnny's eulogy. He deserves a bit more than just drifting away.
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I love it! The people turning on their own captors, earth joining the fray, lightning crashing all around. I do have one pet peeve, this had better not be Johnny's eulogy. He deserves a bit more than just drifting away.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
Comment from nor84
I stood with Jen and Linda(,) my two closest friends[,] besides Christine.>>>brackets [ ] mean the comma isn't needed there.
No offense, Jen, but your boy[,] Carlos>>> a comma goes before the name only in direct address, i.e., if someone is speaking to Carlos.
They put there (their) weapons down
I remembered back to that attack on (the)camp.
I thought about Christine hooked up to that equipment(,) sending out a message of faith
Use the ! sparingly. It's for an exclamation -- something actually said with passion, usually something short: Help! Help me! Let me go! Get outta here! >>>that sort of stuff.
It started so slowly that It (it)went unnoticed at first. At first >>>see the close repeat of 'at first'?
Ricky screamed out, "Cease fire, cease fire.">>>Better as "Cease fire! Cease fire!" Ricky screamed. The speech tag is better after what is said, and should be a 'mouth' sound: said, asked, yelled, screamed, etc.
Everything the earth had to offer was being thrown at us(.) (T)he ground shook and the sky exploded.
I screamed out, "Rescue, rescue!" >>>I suggest: "Rescue! Rescue!" I screamed. >>>you don't need 'out'.
Ships began to sink one after the other >>>Ships sank one after another >>that's stronger than 'began to sink'
I felt something strike the side of my head.>>>stronger without 'I felt': Something struck the side of my head.
The shore looked suddenly distant too (to)me.
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I stood with Jen and Linda(,) my two closest friends[,] besides Christine.>>>brackets [ ] mean the comma isn't needed there.
No offense, Jen, but your boy[,] Carlos>>> a comma goes before the name only in direct address, i.e., if someone is speaking to Carlos.
They put there (their) weapons down
I remembered back to that attack on (the)camp.
I thought about Christine hooked up to that equipment(,) sending out a message of faith
Use the ! sparingly. It's for an exclamation -- something actually said with passion, usually something short: Help! Help me! Let me go! Get outta here! >>>that sort of stuff.
It started so slowly that It (it)went unnoticed at first. At first >>>see the close repeat of 'at first'?
Ricky screamed out, "Cease fire, cease fire.">>>Better as "Cease fire! Cease fire!" Ricky screamed. The speech tag is better after what is said, and should be a 'mouth' sound: said, asked, yelled, screamed, etc.
Everything the earth had to offer was being thrown at us(.) (T)he ground shook and the sky exploded.
I screamed out, "Rescue, rescue!" >>>I suggest: "Rescue! Rescue!" I screamed. >>>you don't need 'out'.
Ships began to sink one after the other >>>Ships sank one after another >>that's stronger than 'began to sink'
I felt something strike the side of my head.>>>stronger without 'I felt': Something struck the side of my head.
The shore looked suddenly distant too (to)me.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
Comment from ravenblack
Is there anything you can't do? Now you add vivid action on an epic scale as a notch on your belt. Just one suggestion- I never get the feel of the size of Johnny' s forces. You mention some names, but just don't get a feel for the scale of their army.
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Is there anything you can't do? Now you add vivid action on an epic scale as a notch on your belt. Just one suggestion- I never get the feel of the size of Johnny' s forces. You mention some names, but just don't get a feel for the scale of their army.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
I thought this was well- written - very exciting and intriguing - but I do think you need to get to it already. What's going to happen. I'm not sure at all about who is who - who are the enemies, and what do they want? But, I think that's part of the plot that will soon be revealed, right?
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I thought this was well- written - very exciting and intriguing - but I do think you need to get to it already. What's going to happen. I'm not sure at all about who is who - who are the enemies, and what do they want? But, I think that's part of the plot that will soon be revealed, right?
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
Comment from l.raven
Michael, this is a wonderful write...so very exciting....an earthquake in the middle of the war...what next??? this is one of your best chapters if not the best...a great read...now where do we go from here??? wonderful work you...so very well written..Luff Linda xxoo
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Michael, this is a wonderful write...so very exciting....an earthquake in the middle of the war...what next??? this is one of your best chapters if not the best...a great read...now where do we go from here??? wonderful work you...so very well written..Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Earth is simply damn tired of us. << Great line!
Very exciting but not too long and dragged out... just right! Enough blood and gore to make the point, then get on with rescue and aid. Bravo! :)
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Earth is simply damn tired of us. << Great line!
Very exciting but not too long and dragged out... just right! Enough blood and gore to make the point, then get on with rescue and aid. Bravo! :)
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
Comment from Sasha
Nope, no suggestions. You are doing too good a job with this for me to mess with it. Great chapter and I ANXIOUSLY await the next one!
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Nope, no suggestions. You are doing too good a job with this for me to mess with it. Great chapter and I ANXIOUSLY await the next one!
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Oh, no, it's a sad ending. It was inevitable, I guess, with all that action. The battle scenes and ensuing turmoil were well written. I hope the Earth is not going to implode like this-Scary thought. Good write as always. Faye
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Oh, no, it's a sad ending. It was inevitable, I guess, with all that action. The battle scenes and ensuing turmoil were well written. I hope the Earth is not going to implode like this-Scary thought. Good write as always. Faye
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
Wow! I love the cliff hanger. I like the idea that the earth started kicking butt. The mind control thing worked. I do not know if you could call it mind control. You sent a message if truth. I can not wait for the next chapter. Hope Recon Johnny lives on. Great work.
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Wow! I love the cliff hanger. I like the idea that the earth started kicking butt. The mind control thing worked. I do not know if you could call it mind control. You sent a message if truth. I can not wait for the next chapter. Hope Recon Johnny lives on. Great work.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
