Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "Wihanble Moon"Murder Mystery
39 total reviews
Comment from Erik McGinley
I am enjoying reading te occasional chapter of this and decided to drop back a bit on spontaneous whim.
I am glad I did. You reminded me of a good memory lost within a black thunderhead of unhappiness.
I hadn't been sleeping well for sometime and, spending the night with a girl I loved to just be with, I tried to explain my sense of disorientation.
"Let me try something. My mother used to do this.", and she put one hand flat, fingers extended on each of my temples.
She waited a bit and then asked, "Did that do anything."
My reply was uncertain, tentative. "I think so, yes. I just don't really know what. It was nice though."
I should have asked her to do it again. Maybe I did. The touch of her hands against my temples had been just beginning to relax a very deep tension that I was to disoriented(?) to realise I had been cumulatively experiencing for some time.
Thank you for reminding me of my friend. She was extremely dear to me and my better memories of that time are buried in a chaos of unhappiness and amnesia.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
  |
I am enjoying reading te occasional chapter of this and decided to drop back a bit on spontaneous whim.
I am glad I did. You reminded me of a good memory lost within a black thunderhead of unhappiness.
I hadn't been sleeping well for sometime and, spending the night with a girl I loved to just be with, I tried to explain my sense of disorientation.
"Let me try something. My mother used to do this.", and she put one hand flat, fingers extended on each of my temples.
She waited a bit and then asked, "Did that do anything."
My reply was uncertain, tentative. "I think so, yes. I just don't really know what. It was nice though."
I should have asked her to do it again. Maybe I did. The touch of her hands against my temples had been just beginning to relax a very deep tension that I was to disoriented(?) to realise I had been cumulatively experiencing for some time.
Thank you for reminding me of my friend. She was extremely dear to me and my better memories of that time are buried in a chaos of unhappiness and amnesia.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
-
Erik, what a sweet review. I'm so glad that my chapter brought back a good memory. And how kind of you to share your thoughts. I wish you peace always, my friend. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. I am fifty percent Indian so I appreciate both sides of the story. There are many mysteries even modern science can not explain. The Sioux have envisioned the evil as a dog. They sense the evil and put a face to it. Other people have to sense the evil, even if they can not visualize a dog. Great work.
reply by the author on 28-May-2014
|
I love the story. I am fifty percent Indian so I appreciate both sides of the story. There are many mysteries even modern science can not explain. The Sioux have envisioned the evil as a dog. They sense the evil and put a face to it. Other people have to sense the evil, even if they can not visualize a dog. Great work.
Comment Written 28-May-2014
reply by the author on 28-May-2014
-
Your review means a lot to me, Nellie. I wondered if my research into the lore would be acceptable to the Native American reader... thanks for setting my mind at ease! So appreciated...
:) Bev
Comment from rtobaygo
Hello, Bev:
I almost missed that Ty was remembering his mother talking to him that night before he returned to the present.
No nits I could see.
Good character interaction. The suspense you've created brings your characters' mindset into focus.
Enjoyed the post!
Take care,
Ray
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
 |
Hello, Bev:
I almost missed that Ty was remembering his mother talking to him that night before he returned to the present.
No nits I could see.
Good character interaction. The suspense you've created brings your characters' mindset into focus.
Enjoyed the post!
Take care,
Ray
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
-
Ray, thanks so much for this grand review. I really appreciate you taking time to read and review so generously! The encouragement is much appreciated.
:0) Bev
Comment from MM lives on :)
Bev, first off congrats on the win for story of the month, and secondly when and where can I buy this book :) I love your stories and anything biblical and religious controversy as you can see with my next poem...
bravo my dear, bravo!
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2014
|
Bev, first off congrats on the win for story of the month, and secondly when and where can I buy this book :) I love your stories and anything biblical and religious controversy as you can see with my next poem...
bravo my dear, bravo!
Comment Written 09-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2014
-
Christopher, thank you so very much. You're such an inspiration for me. And I really appreciate your generosity, too.
Editing is going to take about 4-5 months, after I finish the story and then I shop for an agent/publisher. I may end up self-publishing, but would like to give the traditional route a chance.
I'm a bit behind on reviewing, so haven't seen your latest. But I'm going to get caught up tonight! Look forward to reading it.
:0) Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
Just finished the chapter. You have the perfect combination of talents. You are a great story teller, and you have special gift for getting into your characters heads. One little thing that threw me off:
Whoever abducted the old man must have (employed the element of surprise.)
Everything is so fast moving and to the point, that just sounded a little over the top. How about (caught him by surprise.)
Again, it just might me so take it with a grain of salt.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
|
Just finished the chapter. You have the perfect combination of talents. You are a great story teller, and you have special gift for getting into your characters heads. One little thing that threw me off:
Whoever abducted the old man must have (employed the element of surprise.)
Everything is so fast moving and to the point, that just sounded a little over the top. How about (caught him by surprise.)
Again, it just might me so take it with a grain of salt.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
-
Hi, Dallas. That section didn't feel quite right to me. So, I'm going to change to your suggestion - plus it doesn't sound like an omniscient voice. Thanks for the superb review and suggestions. Gratefully, Bev
-
:.)
Comment from Shirley McLain
Great story line and I look forward to reading more. It was full of tension and the story kept moving me forward to know more. Great job.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
|
Great story line and I look forward to reading more. It was full of tension and the story kept moving me forward to know more. Great job.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
-
Thank you so much, Okiegal. It's nice to hear from you, and I much appreciate your generous and gracious review. :0) Bev
Comment from Jay Squires
Love your work!
If a spiritual warrior like that was not safe against the powers at work here, what hope do I have? [Good! This sets up the tension.]
He hated the thought of a beautiful animal like a wolf turning into a fiend. [This is very telling about Ty's character.
Yet, he felt the urge to leave a light burning for his cousin Billy, [Again, you develop your character so wonderfully indirectly by such devises.]
"Ty came back to himself and felt a rush of expectation." This is an effective cue to the reader that he's no longer in flashback mode, first introduced by: "He stilled as a scene from his past unfolded:"
Excellent ending with Father Brian's momentary doubt, followed by renewed faith.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
|
Love your work!
If a spiritual warrior like that was not safe against the powers at work here, what hope do I have? [Good! This sets up the tension.]
He hated the thought of a beautiful animal like a wolf turning into a fiend. [This is very telling about Ty's character.
Yet, he felt the urge to leave a light burning for his cousin Billy, [Again, you develop your character so wonderfully indirectly by such devises.]
"Ty came back to himself and felt a rush of expectation." This is an effective cue to the reader that he's no longer in flashback mode, first introduced by: "He stilled as a scene from his past unfolded:"
Excellent ending with Father Brian's momentary doubt, followed by renewed faith.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
-
Jay, thank you so very much for this very generous and encouraging review. I, especially appreciate the time you took to let me know what you liked in the chapter. I appreciate the effort! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
What an incredible chapter! I hung onto every word. The way you weave the traditions of the Sioux is excellent. I really like how you included the myth of the devil dog as Ty flashed back to childhood. You've done such an amazing job showing the two cultures and the fine line that Jana balances between in her daily life. Excellent writing! Bravo my friend!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
|
Hi, Bev.
What an incredible chapter! I hung onto every word. The way you weave the traditions of the Sioux is excellent. I really like how you included the myth of the devil dog as Ty flashed back to childhood. You've done such an amazing job showing the two cultures and the fine line that Jana balances between in her daily life. Excellent writing! Bravo my friend!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
-
Hello dear Rosalyne. Thank you so much for this awesome review! I'm glad the chapter was engaging for you. It's always great to get that kind of feedback. And I do thank you for your generous six stars, my friend. Truly icing on the cake.
Much love,
Bev
Comment from RGstar
A great write, once again, Bev.
''Her words were comforting, but Ty was still unconvinced. "What if I do something that I think is okay, but it ends up hurting other people?" he persisted. "Like cousin Billy did when he killed himself. He thought he was saving his family from shame, but it didn't work out that way."
His mother stiffened. "This is not something I wish to discuss with you, Son." But she relented when she saw the confusion in her eldest child's eyes. "I will explain this to you once, and we will not speak of it again." Ty was afraid to breathe lest he break the moment's spell.''
I love the interplay between characters in this scene. The balance was spot on, and realistic to the point where I could feel the overwhelming concern and empathy between characters.
You never disappoint. Such is the ability you have to write continuously with that even flow, as smooth as watching a film. There are no dips and recover techniques, or superficial sentences aimed at causing euphoria. Your sentences are clean, and excel when they need to, calm when asked for.
Bravo, my friend.
Fully deserved , award for the book.
Best wishes,
have a great day,
RG
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
|
A great write, once again, Bev.
''Her words were comforting, but Ty was still unconvinced. "What if I do something that I think is okay, but it ends up hurting other people?" he persisted. "Like cousin Billy did when he killed himself. He thought he was saving his family from shame, but it didn't work out that way."
His mother stiffened. "This is not something I wish to discuss with you, Son." But she relented when she saw the confusion in her eldest child's eyes. "I will explain this to you once, and we will not speak of it again." Ty was afraid to breathe lest he break the moment's spell.''
I love the interplay between characters in this scene. The balance was spot on, and realistic to the point where I could feel the overwhelming concern and empathy between characters.
You never disappoint. Such is the ability you have to write continuously with that even flow, as smooth as watching a film. There are no dips and recover techniques, or superficial sentences aimed at causing euphoria. Your sentences are clean, and excel when they need to, calm when asked for.
Bravo, my friend.
Fully deserved , award for the book.
Best wishes,
have a great day,
RG
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
-
Dear, RG. What a tremendously uplifting review! I can't thank you enough for taking all the time you did to share your most-helpful insights into the writing of this chapter. Your generosity and support, my kind muse, mean the world to me. Thanks so very much. :0) Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where we learn the history of the devil dog and father brian preparing to leave.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
|
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where we learn the history of the devil dog and father brian preparing to leave.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
-
Thanks so much for the excellent review, Sweet. :0)
