Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 39 "Rescue Begins At Home"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
18 total reviews
Comment from Michaelk
Quite a turn of events. Hunters becoming the hunted. I would love to see them use brainwaves to turn a bomber on an enemy base. That would be fantastic.
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Quite a turn of events. Hunters becoming the hunted. I would love to see them use brainwaves to turn a bomber on an enemy base. That would be fantastic.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
Comment from adewpearl
You use the dialogue well to explain what is going on instead of just having a long information dump
Your still shuffling - You're
Brooke :-)
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You use the dialogue well to explain what is going on instead of just having a long information dump
Your still shuffling - You're
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 07-Apr-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
So far so good. There were far more people than I imagined. It looks like American troops are on their way. The mind control can be used for good. Great work.
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So far so good. There were far more people than I imagined. It looks like American troops are on their way. The mind control can be used for good. Great work.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
I just reviewed your new short story, which is what makes this rating system so frustrating. For me, the writing in the story was succinct, moved fast, and led to a surprising and satisfying ending. Here, you seem to be moving much more slowly and the story doesn't seem as cohesive. Still, the plot is very intriguing and the story is well-told. I wonder if there's some way, perhaps in re-write, to tell this story in the same succinct, edgy way you told the short story? Maybe so that every chapter becomes like the story in style, keeping the reader on edge and them surprising them at the end? I know this will be re-written many times before you're done. Maybe it's a thought to keep in mind - -
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2014
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I just reviewed your new short story, which is what makes this rating system so frustrating. For me, the writing in the story was succinct, moved fast, and led to a surprising and satisfying ending. Here, you seem to be moving much more slowly and the story doesn't seem as cohesive. Still, the plot is very intriguing and the story is well-told. I wonder if there's some way, perhaps in re-write, to tell this story in the same succinct, edgy way you told the short story? Maybe so that every chapter becomes like the story in style, keeping the reader on edge and them surprising them at the end? I know this will be re-written many times before you're done. Maybe it's a thought to keep in mind - -
Comment Written 05-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2014
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I think that I will be able to when I rewrite. The posting format has a tendency to alter the natural flow of things I think. We try to make a mini-story out of each post with a little cliff hanger at the end where a book wouldn't be so jagged. Plus I'm dragging along a few (a few! hahaha) mistakes that I already would've fixed, so I'm limping to the finish line a little. But, the great part of doing it like this is all the input and ideas along the way. There is so much more that I will have to work with when I sit down to turn this into something good. On my own, this was a short story, not written very well, that ended somewhere around chapter twelve. The other story is a short complete piece that I didn't have to pause or chop up or do anything but run with my idea. Hopefully when I rewrite this I can do the same thing. Still way behind in these. Just popping forward to let you know I'm reading them intently. mikey
Comment from Sankey
Good work again. Obviously getting a lot of help. Sorry I have not had anything to offer. Just rolling along ok.
Well done no spags amazingly.
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Good work again. Obviously getting a lot of help. Sorry I have not had anything to offer. Just rolling along ok.
Well done no spags amazingly.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2014
Comment from Nosha17
This was a really good chapter with all the people piling in. It reminded me of the robotic Daleks in Dr Who (my daughter's favourite cult Science Fiction programme)-They used to speak electronically and say things like "Exterminate, exterminate" with flashing lights! It sounds as if the action is heating up, great writing and most enjoyable. Faye
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This was a really good chapter with all the people piling in. It reminded me of the robotic Daleks in Dr Who (my daughter's favourite cult Science Fiction programme)-They used to speak electronically and say things like "Exterminate, exterminate" with flashing lights! It sounds as if the action is heating up, great writing and most enjoyable. Faye
Comment Written 05-Apr-2014
Comment from l.raven
OK Now there trying to read each others minds...and there's a lot of people walking around out there...what to do with them all...very well done Michael...I love it!!! a great story...Luff Linda xxoo
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OK Now there trying to read each others minds...and there's a lot of people walking around out there...what to do with them all...very well done Michael...I love it!!! a great story...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 05-Apr-2014
Comment from seaglass
Nothing I can say except, great writing. Your are building tension. Stopping at a good place to bring readers back.
"her smile became a part of every cell in my body and her laughter a part of my spirit.' A sweet-tender way to express that glorious feeling of brand new love.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2014
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Nothing I can say except, great writing. Your are building tension. Stopping at a good place to bring readers back.
"her smile became a part of every cell in my body and her laughter a part of my spirit.' A sweet-tender way to express that glorious feeling of brand new love.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2014
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Thank you for noticing that! I try to stop and add a nice poetic line here and there. You do that too. You had some killer lines in your last story. mikey
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, great use of fighting fire with fire. The thought that the enemy's transmissions can be scrambled is great.
About the stealth bombers...what if just one of the pilots is shaky on his/her mission and begins to sympathize with the Yosemite-ites? He/she demonstrates his/her newfound loyalty by landing one incognito near the camp, gets checked out by Christine for his authenticity, becomes a double agent and tells them how to track the stealth's "warp signature" by disturbance in the wind currents with the help of birds, etc., or how to place trackers on other stealth bombers to track their flight paths. Thank you Start Trek Voyager! The Borg collective hive mind can be short-circuited. Just got to have the right nano-probes to infect the collective. Ha Ha, now whose got an imagination? LOL. Nice work, my friend. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2014
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Mikey, great use of fighting fire with fire. The thought that the enemy's transmissions can be scrambled is great.
About the stealth bombers...what if just one of the pilots is shaky on his/her mission and begins to sympathize with the Yosemite-ites? He/she demonstrates his/her newfound loyalty by landing one incognito near the camp, gets checked out by Christine for his authenticity, becomes a double agent and tells them how to track the stealth's "warp signature" by disturbance in the wind currents with the help of birds, etc., or how to place trackers on other stealth bombers to track their flight paths. Thank you Start Trek Voyager! The Borg collective hive mind can be short-circuited. Just got to have the right nano-probes to infect the collective. Ha Ha, now whose got an imagination? LOL. Nice work, my friend. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 04-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2014
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I love all of that!! Voyager was awesome. Thanks for your help on this. You are probably noticing your influence. Thank you!! It's all I can do to keep this from flying off on an asteroid somewhere. mikey
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My husband and I are incurable Trekies. We bought all of Enterprise, Voyager and a few Deep Space 9 but couldn't quite stomach the cheesy acting in Deep Space. Currently, every Friday or Saturday night we do 2 or 3 episodes, so that is why Voyager is fresh on my mind. We have the old ST movies and both the new ones with Chris Pine. The new cast is perfect. Dead ringers for Spock and Dr. McCoy. Gotta love it. Now we just bought FarScape. What did I tell you...sci-fi nano-probes have taken over our brains!
Glad I can be of some help on the story development, but you're the one that sews it all together so seamlessly. :0 GracieAnn
Comment from Sasha
This is absolutely fascinating. It is such a relief to know that they have found some control. Now, to find a way to stop the traitors from invading. This has really heated up and you once again have me biting my nails. I anxiously look forward to the next post.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2014
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This is absolutely fascinating. It is such a relief to know that they have found some control. Now, to find a way to stop the traitors from invading. This has really heated up and you once again have me biting my nails. I anxiously look forward to the next post.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2014
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Me too! It's more fun now that there is some contact with the rest of the world. I can't wait to see what happens. mikey
