Bewitched
A child's worst nightmare, is not to be believed15 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Yikes! This was a frightening ghostly encounter! I think I'll pull my own "Teddy" out of my closet tonight...and hang my rosary beads on my bed post! This story gave me chills! --Karenina
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Yikes! This was a frightening ghostly encounter! I think I'll pull my own "Teddy" out of my closet tonight...and hang my rosary beads on my bed post! This story gave me chills! --Karenina
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for reviewing. I had written Bewitched such a long time ago, I forgot I'd written it. lol
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Thank YOU for being review number 26 for Elizabeth Emerald's lovely (but undeserved) post about me! She IS an All Time Best....but your review made that post an ATB as well! Hey! Great story! --Karenina
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Chilling! Nightmares tonight--your fault! Gripping tale rife with graphic imagery--these horrific events are brilliantly rendered. I'm so glad it ended well. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Chilling! Nightmares tonight--your fault! Gripping tale rife with graphic imagery--these horrific events are brilliantly rendered. I'm so glad it ended well. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for reviewing Bewitched. I wrote it so long ago, I'd forgotten it.
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Karenina and I wanted to return the favor of a ribbon--I trolled your portfolio to find an old story that got 13 reviews--then I did #14 and she topped it off to #15 to earn a recognition ribbon! Cheers. LIZ
Comment from ragamuffin
Very interesting. Much here to cause a mind to take off and ponder possibilities. Good description that enables the reader to see the story as he/she reads the words. Always nice to have a happy ending.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
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Very interesting. Much here to cause a mind to take off and ponder possibilities. Good description that enables the reader to see the story as he/she reads the words. Always nice to have a happy ending.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much ragamuffin.
Comment from MagKing
This is a well composed piece of writing.
Lovely, nicely, and excellently penned down.
You did too well with the piece!
Good luck to you in the contest!
MagKing
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
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This is a well composed piece of writing.
Lovely, nicely, and excellently penned down.
You did too well with the piece!
Good luck to you in the contest!
MagKing
Comment Written 27-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
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Thank you, MagKing for your review. I'm so glad you liked it.
Comment from Mike Battaglia
Chilling... You got me, more than once, and to do that through mere words is something.
This is reminiscent of the film Poltergeist, which perhaps affords you extra bais, for I love that film, and it scared the bejeezus out of me. A lengthy tale, but while most on this sight find themselves with an itchy scrolling finger, I for one appreciate a lengthy tale so long as it serves purpose to the story (even if only to give the characters life) and so long as the payoff is worth the length it takes to get to it. You've achieved that here.
The giant teddy bear at the end almost lost me, but that was where Poltergeist played to your benefit. Why not a giant teddy bear? Are there rules in the supernatural? Hell, are there rules in storytelling?? Your imagination is admirable. I really enjoyed this, and am not afraid to say that you lent me chills more than once, which was your intention. Mission successful. Well done :)
--Mike
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Chilling... You got me, more than once, and to do that through mere words is something.
This is reminiscent of the film Poltergeist, which perhaps affords you extra bais, for I love that film, and it scared the bejeezus out of me. A lengthy tale, but while most on this sight find themselves with an itchy scrolling finger, I for one appreciate a lengthy tale so long as it serves purpose to the story (even if only to give the characters life) and so long as the payoff is worth the length it takes to get to it. You've achieved that here.
The giant teddy bear at the end almost lost me, but that was where Poltergeist played to your benefit. Why not a giant teddy bear? Are there rules in the supernatural? Hell, are there rules in storytelling?? Your imagination is admirable. I really enjoyed this, and am not afraid to say that you lent me chills more than once, which was your intention. Mission successful. Well done :)
--Mike
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much Mike. What a great review, I'm glad you enjoyed it,
Comment from ennahanid
supernatural good - supernatural god maybe?????????
How intersting - interesting
This is a super read and reminds me of a painting that was put on Ebay many years ago. If I remember rightly the owners had actually found it in an alley and couldn't understand why anyone would have dumped it. Beautiful frame and a painting of two children a boy and a girl. The girl was behind the boy and it looked like she had a screw driver in her hand or something. The picture went down to below their waists slightly I think.
They hung it in their daughter's room and their daughter told them that the picture kept her awake because the boy and the girl argued/talked a lot. She said the boy left the picture to face his sister (?).
Of course they didn't believe her but then she was always so tired and with the same story so they hooked up some type of video equipment.
The pictures were on Ebay and bidding went through the roof.
They showed the boy climbing out of the frame and standing there on the bedroom floor. It looked like the screw driver or whatever was a bit of a weapon. A lot of talking.
The video was verified not to have been tampered with, they just didn't want that picture in their home anymore.
I wasn't about to bid on it but I followed that auction to the end - thanks for entertaining me this morning - Dinah
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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supernatural good - supernatural god maybe?????????
How intersting - interesting
This is a super read and reminds me of a painting that was put on Ebay many years ago. If I remember rightly the owners had actually found it in an alley and couldn't understand why anyone would have dumped it. Beautiful frame and a painting of two children a boy and a girl. The girl was behind the boy and it looked like she had a screw driver in her hand or something. The picture went down to below their waists slightly I think.
They hung it in their daughter's room and their daughter told them that the picture kept her awake because the boy and the girl argued/talked a lot. She said the boy left the picture to face his sister (?).
Of course they didn't believe her but then she was always so tired and with the same story so they hooked up some type of video equipment.
The pictures were on Ebay and bidding went through the roof.
They showed the boy climbing out of the frame and standing there on the bedroom floor. It looked like the screw driver or whatever was a bit of a weapon. A lot of talking.
The video was verified not to have been tampered with, they just didn't want that picture in their home anymore.
I wasn't about to bid on it but I followed that auction to the end - thanks for entertaining me this morning - Dinah
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Wow, Dinah, there is nothing new under the sun, they say. And I thought I made that story up. Thanks for telling me the story. I had never heard it before. I got knots in my stomach reading your review about the true picture. LOL Thank you so much for this fine review.
Comment from Ritsal
This is a good story, the plot is well structured and the pacing is good. I've made some suggestions for your consideration:
five(-)year(-)old
my stuff dog was trying to kill me - stuffed
She eased opened the door - suggest: She eased the door open - more active
No sooner had her mom (closed)[close] the door
Misty - "Misty"
Tyra held on to Teddy - onto - one word
she began to pray a little prayer - suggest: she began praying a little prayer
Where was Teddy? Where was her only protector? She thought. - you can drop "she thought" as it already reads as a thought
The dresser draws were opened - drawers
ghost busters - ghostbusters
homeless[-] looking old woman
heart[-]felt moments
Harold Conway and his assistance - assistants
I hope you find this helpful.
Best wishes,
Rita
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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This is a good story, the plot is well structured and the pacing is good. I've made some suggestions for your consideration:
five(-)year(-)old
my stuff dog was trying to kill me - stuffed
She eased opened the door - suggest: She eased the door open - more active
No sooner had her mom (closed)[close] the door
Misty - "Misty"
Tyra held on to Teddy - onto - one word
she began to pray a little prayer - suggest: she began praying a little prayer
Where was Teddy? Where was her only protector? She thought. - you can drop "she thought" as it already reads as a thought
The dresser draws were opened - drawers
ghost busters - ghostbusters
homeless[-] looking old woman
heart[-]felt moments
Harold Conway and his assistance - assistants
I hope you find this helpful.
Best wishes,
Rita
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much. I'll make those corrections.
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Good luck in the contest.
Comment from NicciFaye
What a adventure! This is an amazing story for this contest entry. Truly creative how you came up with this for this wriing prompt. Well told and excellent story telling. This reader felt truly engaged into the thoughts you conveyed and the characters you created. What a ride. Well written.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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What a adventure! This is an amazing story for this contest entry. Truly creative how you came up with this for this wriing prompt. Well told and excellent story telling. This reader felt truly engaged into the thoughts you conveyed and the characters you created. What a ride. Well written.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much. I'm really glad you liked it.
Comment from Dean Kuch
This was an intriguing ghostly tale of little Tyra, her teddy, and a horrid painting of an Old McDonald setting that morphed into the leering visage of the Grim Reaper. Linda, Tyra's mother, begins feeling some of the after affects of the haunted painting. However, when taliking to her friend, Brittany, on the phone, she makes it well known that she holds little stock in the supernatural.
Everything comes to a head one night as Tyra is attacked by the specter, which tossed her bed against a wall in her bedroom. Tyra escapes to her closet, but forgets to grab her teddy in the confusion. A foul stench alerts Tyra's mom, Linda, to the fact that something is terribly wrong.
The room is in total chaos, and little Tyra is nowhere to be found.
After the police are notified and do a preliminary investigation, Linda has her ex-husband, Harold, come over for moral support. Harold decides to call in a team of Phantasmologists, as they see that Tyra's image has been painted into the cursed painting. Tyra's teddy bear and the team's equipment are utilized as conduits to pull the child from the painting. Teddy grows to mammoth proportions, before their eyes, and it leaps into the portrait rescuing Tyra from the Reaper's cold clutches.
Good story with a happy ending, as Tyra was found once more to be in her closet, along with her fully restored teddy bear. Very imaginative, although in some places, I feel you tend to TELL your readers what is going on, rather than SHOWING them. But, that will come the more you write such stories. You simply immerse yourself in the circumstances you've created, then write what you see and feel.
Good job!
"The dresser [draws] drawers were opened as if a burglary had taken place;..."
"Tyra's room, snapping pictures, questioning her [repeatedl:] repeatedly"
"Okay, everything is ready, Harold," said one of his [assistance] assistants".
"Everyone, but Linda [coward] cowered against the wall."
~5 out of 5 skulls~
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2014
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This was an intriguing ghostly tale of little Tyra, her teddy, and a horrid painting of an Old McDonald setting that morphed into the leering visage of the Grim Reaper. Linda, Tyra's mother, begins feeling some of the after affects of the haunted painting. However, when taliking to her friend, Brittany, on the phone, she makes it well known that she holds little stock in the supernatural.
Everything comes to a head one night as Tyra is attacked by the specter, which tossed her bed against a wall in her bedroom. Tyra escapes to her closet, but forgets to grab her teddy in the confusion. A foul stench alerts Tyra's mom, Linda, to the fact that something is terribly wrong.
The room is in total chaos, and little Tyra is nowhere to be found.
After the police are notified and do a preliminary investigation, Linda has her ex-husband, Harold, come over for moral support. Harold decides to call in a team of Phantasmologists, as they see that Tyra's image has been painted into the cursed painting. Tyra's teddy bear and the team's equipment are utilized as conduits to pull the child from the painting. Teddy grows to mammoth proportions, before their eyes, and it leaps into the portrait rescuing Tyra from the Reaper's cold clutches.
Good story with a happy ending, as Tyra was found once more to be in her closet, along with her fully restored teddy bear. Very imaginative, although in some places, I feel you tend to TELL your readers what is going on, rather than SHOWING them. But, that will come the more you write such stories. You simply immerse yourself in the circumstances you've created, then write what you see and feel.
Good job!
"The dresser [draws] drawers were opened as if a burglary had taken place;..."
"Tyra's room, snapping pictures, questioning her [repeatedl:] repeatedly"
"Okay, everything is ready, Harold," said one of his [assistance] assistants".
"Everyone, but Linda [coward] cowered against the wall."
~5 out of 5 skulls~
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much Dean for this most expert opinion. I will make those corrections and read over it to make improvements.
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Thank you so much Dean for this most expert opinion. I will make those corrections and read over it to make improvements. PS...Steve is the ex-husband, Harold is the Phantasmologist.
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Oh, you're right! I was so enamored that one of your characters was named Harold (My first name), I got carried away, LOL!
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Wow, and to think I named my Phantasmologist, Harold...after the foremost horror master on the fanstory and maybe the world. LOL
Oh, I wish you had time to point out the telling instead of showing parts of my story. I'd like to have it as perfect as possible for the contest that starts tomorrow. If not, I'll just read over it.
Thanks, Harold Dean...smile
Comment from WLHall
Well written and terrifying. A nice creative approach. I don't believe in the supernatural like this, but it was an interesting, kept my attention read. Good luck to you.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Well written and terrifying. A nice creative approach. I don't believe in the supernatural like this, but it was an interesting, kept my attention read. Good luck to you.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much.
