The Crying
The portrait terrified him so.48 total reviews
Comment from Rainbowsofhappiness
Oh my gosh this story gave me goosebumps! Then to read the author's notes and see it was a true account I think I may never sleep again!! This story was excellently retold from accounts from the writer and her father. The background on the painter going mad and jumping to his death shortly after creating it really sets the stage for the story. This piece has all the essential elements of a well written ghost story. The writer draws out the haunting, suspenseful incidents slowly, enticing the reader with descriptive, detail oriented word choices that they weave into a cohesive tale of horror. The detailed description of the painting resplendent with haunting eyes and trailing tear was so clear that the photo accompanying this story only further enhanced the shock value of this piece. The writer peppered this piece with all the crucial elements needed for a good ghost story including suspense, mystery, unexplained occurrences, and a good dose of fear. The dialogue between characters ran smoothly and I liked how the writer had the narrator incorporated into this piece to provide additional information and personal views on the picture. This griping tale keeps the reader captivated from start to finish leaving off with a cliffhanger like ending since the photo is still in the writer's family. Chilling in portrayal, and eloquently written, I feel this piece is truly worthy of a six star review! Beautifully done!
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Oh my gosh this story gave me goosebumps! Then to read the author's notes and see it was a true account I think I may never sleep again!! This story was excellently retold from accounts from the writer and her father. The background on the painter going mad and jumping to his death shortly after creating it really sets the stage for the story. This piece has all the essential elements of a well written ghost story. The writer draws out the haunting, suspenseful incidents slowly, enticing the reader with descriptive, detail oriented word choices that they weave into a cohesive tale of horror. The detailed description of the painting resplendent with haunting eyes and trailing tear was so clear that the photo accompanying this story only further enhanced the shock value of this piece. The writer peppered this piece with all the crucial elements needed for a good ghost story including suspense, mystery, unexplained occurrences, and a good dose of fear. The dialogue between characters ran smoothly and I liked how the writer had the narrator incorporated into this piece to provide additional information and personal views on the picture. This griping tale keeps the reader captivated from start to finish leaving off with a cliffhanger like ending since the photo is still in the writer's family. Chilling in portrayal, and eloquently written, I feel this piece is truly worthy of a six star review! Beautifully done!
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Goosebumps? Goosebumps are go-o-o-o-d, Rainbows, lol! In all sincerity, I really appreciate your in depth review and outstanding rating of this one. Loved it!
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This was truly a well written true ghost story soyes it ddefinitely gave me chills! :-)
Comment from Mike Battaglia
I have learned my lessons, sir. The boy that touches the hot stove learns not to touch it again. Now, any time I am delighted by coming across one of your ghoulish tales, I exercise every ounce of patience I have within me to wait until daylight hours to read them. I am no rube, sir, and I was not wrong to adopt this habit.
Curse you, sir! You weave what alone is a goosepimple inducing story, and make it all the more horrible by stating in your author's notes that it is not entirely fiction, lending it life, as Frankenstein did his monster. I was there, I saw that damned painting, and that is testament to you talent as a writer, sir. Were I as pedantic as some of the others on this sight, I might have read the words instead of the story, and felt need to pick it apart grammatically (not that I came across any errors), but I was too absorbed by the story itself to even notice that they were words, and that is perhaps the best compliment I can bestow upon you. Your form is as creepy and unnerving as ever, sir, and a hearty congratulations on winning. I have not read any other entries for this contest, but I imagine anyone would be hard pressed to outdo what you have written. Due applause.
--Mike
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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I have learned my lessons, sir. The boy that touches the hot stove learns not to touch it again. Now, any time I am delighted by coming across one of your ghoulish tales, I exercise every ounce of patience I have within me to wait until daylight hours to read them. I am no rube, sir, and I was not wrong to adopt this habit.
Curse you, sir! You weave what alone is a goosepimple inducing story, and make it all the more horrible by stating in your author's notes that it is not entirely fiction, lending it life, as Frankenstein did his monster. I was there, I saw that damned painting, and that is testament to you talent as a writer, sir. Were I as pedantic as some of the others on this sight, I might have read the words instead of the story, and felt need to pick it apart grammatically (not that I came across any errors), but I was too absorbed by the story itself to even notice that they were words, and that is perhaps the best compliment I can bestow upon you. Your form is as creepy and unnerving as ever, sir, and a hearty congratulations on winning. I have not read any other entries for this contest, but I imagine anyone would be hard pressed to outdo what you have written. Due applause.
--Mike
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Hah, thanks so much, Mike, for wishing those wonderful curses on me. But I'm afraid many have beaten you to the punch there, heh heh. The fact that you feel the story gripped you and held your interest, without the usual search for errors, is an wonderful compliment.
As always, it's always an immense pleasure to see a review from you. Thanks for everything!
Comment from w.j.debi
A spooky, haunting tale for sure. I see you won the contest. Not a surprise since you know has to spin a dark tale so effectively. Excellent pacing to build the tension and send the final chills down the spine. No wonder I prefer landscapes to portraits...and after reading this story, it will stay that way.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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A spooky, haunting tale for sure. I see you won the contest. Not a surprise since you know has to spin a dark tale so effectively. Excellent pacing to build the tension and send the final chills down the spine. No wonder I prefer landscapes to portraits...and after reading this story, it will stay that way.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Ha ha, well, thank you very much, Debi. I do try to entertain, first and foremost. I realize there are many several talented writers here on F.S., and you have a myriad of choices besides me. So, I do the best I can (within my limited abilities) to provide you with the best chilling tales I can conjure up. I always appreciate when one of my stories or poems elicits a chill, because that means I have done my "job", and delivered the tale as best I could.
I appreciate your thoughtful review and comments, as always.
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You certainly deliverd on this one, and no blood bath either. Just good old something going bump in the night scares.
I do have a choice of what to read, and I enjoy reading your works. I hope to see you in print one days so I can have a hardback.
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I'll make sure you get one of the first signed copies, LOL!
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I would love that!
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I like the way you tell us the story of the artist and his daughter and how the painting came about as well as Chelsea's dad's experiences.Good little aside Dr Creep and the Shock Theatre. Don't blame the boys for sleeping in the garage.Great finishing off with Chelsea's part in this thrilling ghost story. Congrats on the win, certainly deserved.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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I like the way you tell us the story of the artist and his daughter and how the painting came about as well as Chelsea's dad's experiences.Good little aside Dr Creep and the Shock Theatre. Don't blame the boys for sleeping in the garage.Great finishing off with Chelsea's part in this thrilling ghost story. Congrats on the win, certainly deserved.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Thanks very much, Pearl, I'm really happy that you enjoyed it. I appreciate your gracious comments and generous rating. Much obliged!
Comment from Dawn Munro
I SERIOUSLY could have done without your author's notes. (The part where you say the cursed thing might show up at my house.)
Dean, this was simply fabulous! I have a couple of editing considerations for you, but I'll tell you, I was chilled, and RIVETED! No WONDER this won. (Congrats, btw!) I've read a story similar to this ( a TRUE story, allegedly, about a painting of a male child - I WISH I could remember more about it - title, etc. - so I could refer you to it...)
Edits:
1) "I (told) her that it was okay..." << verb tense - you changed it - it was past tense previously and throughout.
2) "Continuing to frown, still weeping..." << this sentence should really be part of the preceding one, separated by a semi-colon or dash - it's not a complete sentence.
GREAT ENTERTAINMENT!!! Wonderful plot, well-paced, with vivid description, believable dialogue - shoot, the whole thing was scary as hell!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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I SERIOUSLY could have done without your author's notes. (The part where you say the cursed thing might show up at my house.)
Dean, this was simply fabulous! I have a couple of editing considerations for you, but I'll tell you, I was chilled, and RIVETED! No WONDER this won. (Congrats, btw!) I've read a story similar to this ( a TRUE story, allegedly, about a painting of a male child - I WISH I could remember more about it - title, etc. - so I could refer you to it...)
Edits:
1) "I (told) her that it was okay..." << verb tense - you changed it - it was past tense previously and throughout.
2) "Continuing to frown, still weeping..." << this sentence should really be part of the preceding one, separated by a semi-colon or dash - it's not a complete sentence.
GREAT ENTERTAINMENT!!! Wonderful plot, well-paced, with vivid description, believable dialogue - shoot, the whole thing was scary as hell!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Thanks very much, Dawn. I'm really glad you liked this one, and I will address those editing suggestions right away. I really appreciated the wonderful feed back!
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My pleasure!!!
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Congratulations on your win, Dean. A few points:
a good job... okay? Oh-Kay! Are you even listening to me, young man?"- that's the tail end of one paragraph, then 2 more.
After they were left alone, dad prepared...- used "dad" twice in 2 sentences. Change the second one to "he"
They ran screaming like horrified, wounded banshees, from the house. - meaningless simile since readers have never heard horrified, wounded banshees scream.
An odd conclusion. We have no idea why the painting returned to Grandma's, why it "wanted" to be there. We have no evidence of malevolence although we're led to believe there's a spirit connected to it. The painting has done nothing "bad" to anyone. But, since father and daughter agree the painting is unnatural, I would think they'd plot together to destroy it.
Still, a good story based on reportedly real events. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Congratulations on your win, Dean. A few points:
a good job... okay? Oh-Kay! Are you even listening to me, young man?"- that's the tail end of one paragraph, then 2 more.
After they were left alone, dad prepared...- used "dad" twice in 2 sentences. Change the second one to "he"
They ran screaming like horrified, wounded banshees, from the house. - meaningless simile since readers have never heard horrified, wounded banshees scream.
An odd conclusion. We have no idea why the painting returned to Grandma's, why it "wanted" to be there. We have no evidence of malevolence although we're led to believe there's a spirit connected to it. The painting has done nothing "bad" to anyone. But, since father and daughter agree the painting is unnatural, I would think they'd plot together to destroy it.
Still, a good story based on reportedly real events. :) Nancy
Comment Written 23-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Nancy, I really appreciate the review, and I'll address those issues you mentioned straight away.
As for the painting, Mom never bought into my conclusion that something was wrong with it. I know what I saw manifest itself there, and both of my brothers felt those wet tears. You'd think, being an oil painting, that water would've damaged it somehow, but it didn't mar it in the least.
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Oil paintings are protected by a coat of varnish. That may account for the lack of condensation damage. (Hey, I'm a science geek - I can't help it!)
If I was certain it had changed expressions, that painting would have made it into the burn barrel pretty quick, Mom or no Mom. Good story, Dean. :) nancy
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:]
Believe me, I wanted to bust it up and burn the thing, but my mom was very abusive at times. I was afraid she'd skin me alive, so I simply kept hiding it. I got my butt whooped for that, too.
Comment from Gungalo
Congratulations Dean for taking top honors in the contest with this one. I can't say as I blame him one bit. If I had a pic that scared me so much, I'd probably burn it. LOL
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Congratulations Dean for taking top honors in the contest with this one. I can't say as I blame him one bit. If I had a pic that scared me so much, I'd probably burn it. LOL
Comment Written 23-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Heh, you've got that right, Gungalo! I'm not sure where the "Teardrop" is now, but wherever it is, it can stay there.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me on this story, I really appreciate the review.
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Smile Dean.
Comment from Donya Quijote
Oooooooo! I love a good ghost story. This one would be good to tell around the campfire. Had a kind of Dorian Grey-esque feel to it. Interesting that this is based on a true story. I'm a skeptic when it comes to these things, but I love the stories. Tried to write one just before I was condemned to standard status. It's a mess, but someone is trying to help me bash it into shape. Anyway, wish I could give you more stars for this outstanding ghost story. I'll have to drop in from time to time to see what else you have cooking. Delicious!!!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Oooooooo! I love a good ghost story. This one would be good to tell around the campfire. Had a kind of Dorian Grey-esque feel to it. Interesting that this is based on a true story. I'm a skeptic when it comes to these things, but I love the stories. Tried to write one just before I was condemned to standard status. It's a mess, but someone is trying to help me bash it into shape. Anyway, wish I could give you more stars for this outstanding ghost story. I'll have to drop in from time to time to see what else you have cooking. Delicious!!!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Thanks very much, Donya. And keep bangin' away at that story idea of yours. It'll get there. I'm glad you like this, and if you're ever around a campfire, feel free to tell it, LOL!
Comment from manicblue
Well, now you've gone and done it - I'm too scared to get up from my chair LOL
This was well told, good characterization and dialogue, interesting tale, and made my arms get the goosies. Congratulations on your win for this good, spooky story. :)
mb xx
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Well, now you've gone and done it - I'm too scared to get up from my chair LOL
This was well told, good characterization and dialogue, interesting tale, and made my arms get the goosies. Congratulations on your win for this good, spooky story. :)
mb xx
Comment Written 22-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Thanks, mb. If it gave you goosebumps, then I did something right, lol!
I really appreciate you kind comments.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Dean. Great job with this contest-winning entry. I love how you built the horror, and that touch with the picture that will never leave, was brilliant. Congratulations on this well-deserved win. Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Hi, Dean. Great job with this contest-winning entry. I love how you built the horror, and that touch with the picture that will never leave, was brilliant. Congratulations on this well-deserved win. Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 22-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, Bev. I sincerely appreciate that.
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You're welcome, Dean. :0)
