Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "The Battle & Maybe Some Supplies"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
16 total reviews
Comment from 24chas
You have a real gift, mikey, for the characters and how they respond. Well written chapter with the characters acting like real people. Nicely done.
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You have a real gift, mikey, for the characters and how they respond. Well written chapter with the characters acting like real people. Nicely done.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, I'm glad to see that the Calvary did come. It worked nicely. The thought of law and order in this New Wild West is a good path to take. Good job. Great line and a typo at next sentence: " She embodied every good thing that a woman carried within them, everything that a man spent a lifetime trying to emulate. Great. typo I Saw" saw and "What gives you they right to...." the instead of they. Looking good. :0 GracieAnn
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Mikey, I'm glad to see that the Calvary did come. It worked nicely. The thought of law and order in this New Wild West is a good path to take. Good job. Great line and a typo at next sentence: " She embodied every good thing that a woman carried within them, everything that a man spent a lifetime trying to emulate. Great. typo I Saw" saw and "What gives you they right to...." the instead of they. Looking good. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 16-Mar-2014
Comment from l.raven
Where the hail is Linda???LOL...very well written you....now what have you thought of next.???ya know I love it...bring it on...Luff Linda xxoo
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Where the hail is Linda???LOL...very well written you....now what have you thought of next.???ya know I love it...bring it on...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 16-Mar-2014
Comment from Michaelk
Good chapter. Great tension. I thought Christine was a goner. You set that up very well. Now I want to know what's in the 'care packages', because you've got me mistrusting the government's intentions. (Gasp) We know that the government would never do anything to harm its constituents. (Extreme sarcasm)
Good chapter. I'm falling behind reviewing now. I'll catch up ASAP.
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Good chapter. Great tension. I thought Christine was a goner. You set that up very well. Now I want to know what's in the 'care packages', because you've got me mistrusting the government's intentions. (Gasp) We know that the government would never do anything to harm its constituents. (Extreme sarcasm)
Good chapter. I'm falling behind reviewing now. I'll catch up ASAP.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2014
Comment from Marillion
Good stuff again, Mikey, and I agree with letting Lester and the others come to the rescue. I also like how you handled the interrogation after the battle. I think it shows the realism of people trying to survive, and doing what they must.
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Good stuff again, Mikey, and I agree with letting Lester and the others come to the rescue. I also like how you handled the interrogation after the battle. I think it shows the realism of people trying to survive, and doing what they must.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2014
Comment from ravenblack
Just a thought, but if you are not aware of it, look up cargo cult on the net. There is an island in the Pacific that was very primitive during world war two. Cargo drop from us planes and they literally thought it was dropped from the gods. Being isolated, a cargo cult started on the island that flourished for many years.
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Just a thought, but if you are not aware of it, look up cargo cult on the net. There is an island in the Pacific that was very primitive during world war two. Cargo drop from us planes and they literally thought it was dropped from the gods. Being isolated, a cargo cult started on the island that flourished for many years.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
I loved all of the live action! That's what the turtle man says, live action! Them dreams are for real--Mikey, my father had them, he called them flashbacks, like a motion picture he saw the present or future and was always right. I like all the action, got to get to your next chapter. wackydo
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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I loved all of the live action! That's what the turtle man says, live action! Them dreams are for real--Mikey, my father had them, he called them flashbacks, like a motion picture he saw the present or future and was always right. I like all the action, got to get to your next chapter. wackydo
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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See!! Pretty good live action. Hahaha. Christine is based on a true person also like your father. Finally finished 21. Getting further from the end!!! mikey
Comment from Tatarka2
I think perhaps one or both of us must be having a bad day. I still find this too wordy by far. You do make good use of dialogue to help the story along, but there's a lot you could leave out (i.e., the description of Jennifer as "the perfect female"). Show her that way, then don't tell us what you think. I really think this is way too long at 20 chapters in already, and there's no clear sense of where it's going. In re-write, I'd shorten it considerably, maybe marry it with the Angela one, and tell a very compelling story in a tight, taut manner, without sidetracks into Johnny's head and relationships, except as shown through dialogue and action.
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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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I think perhaps one or both of us must be having a bad day. I still find this too wordy by far. You do make good use of dialogue to help the story along, but there's a lot you could leave out (i.e., the description of Jennifer as "the perfect female"). Show her that way, then don't tell us what you think. I really think this is way too long at 20 chapters in already, and there's no clear sense of where it's going. In re-write, I'd shorten it considerably, maybe marry it with the Angela one, and tell a very compelling story in a tight, taut manner, without sidetracks into Johnny's head and relationships, except as shown through dialogue and action.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Another one where we are on different wavelengths. I was delighted with how this chapter came out. I like it better than any chapter of anything I have written to date so far. Still don't see the tie in idea between the guy lost on a tropical island and the folks at Yosemite. I thought this had the best action I have ever written. Oh well. I don't like Sir Thomas Moore in the slightest. Hahaha. mikey
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. People are communicating. Granted, they are not doing such a great job. It is time to form alliances. Sending some people after the food drops should keep some busy. Great work.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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I love the story. People are communicating. Granted, they are not doing such a great job. It is time to form alliances. Sending some people after the food drops should keep some busy. Great work.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Just noticed the time. I better figure out what happens next soon!! Glad you are enjoying. I'm way behind in answering my internet has been down. I've been reading and appreciating your reviews, every word of them. Thank you so much, mikey
Comment from ragamuffin
Well, not a for certain enemy yet. Government, aliens, part of the government, folks controlling part of the government...? A test from aliens, a failed attempt of the extremely rich and powerful... Tri Lateral Commission I think it's been called... trying to wipe out the majority of the masses to bring what's left of humanity under their control? Lots of possibilities.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Well, not a for certain enemy yet. Government, aliens, part of the government, folks controlling part of the government...? A test from aliens, a failed attempt of the extremely rich and powerful... Tri Lateral Commission I think it's been called... trying to wipe out the majority of the masses to bring what's left of humanity under their control? Lots of possibilities.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Hmmm. You have me thinking. Not sure yet, but enemies are always good! Thanks for the input, mikey
