Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Goodbyes & Unwelcome Strangers"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
18 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
Sorry, no suggestions. I did like this chapter. you put just enough tension into it to keep me on my toes. Great work with this, especially since you don't know where it's headed.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Sorry, no suggestions. I did like this chapter. you put just enough tension into it to keep me on my toes. Great work with this, especially since you don't know where it's headed.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014
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Hi. I'm way behind in answering these. So pleased you liked this. Rolling along with the story. Lots of fun! I'm going backwards so most recent first! mikey
Comment from adewpearl
if we were being followed, - add comma
excellent dialogue
you continue the intrigue over the shared dreams and those "planes" Brooke
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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if we were being followed, - add comma
excellent dialogue
you continue the intrigue over the shared dreams and those "planes" Brooke
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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I've been working on dialogue with some "prodding" from some friends. Glad to see it is getting better. Happy to see you are enjoying. Thank you very much, mikey
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I literally don't know the names of anyone in my apartment complex. I can't imagine their sharing their food with me if push came to shove.
Comment from Petriesan
Of course it reads well, and you , like many here, have a gift for story telling. The only thing that kinda caught me up was the number of sentences, often consecutive, beginning with a form of "we."
I know, I do it too.
Otherwise, good chapter
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Of course it reads well, and you , like many here, have a gift for story telling. The only thing that kinda caught me up was the number of sentences, often consecutive, beginning with a form of "we."
I know, I do it too.
Otherwise, good chapter
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
Comment from ravenblack
I think your dream explanation is beginning to take root. I can understand the alien spaceship/ stealth bombers as a shared dream, but the specificity of the government meeting I think requires a bit more of an explanation. Just don't dwell on it too much. Let an explanation develop naturally. That light bulb moment will come.
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I think your dream explanation is beginning to take root. I can understand the alien spaceship/ stealth bombers as a shared dream, but the specificity of the government meeting I think requires a bit more of an explanation. Just don't dwell on it too much. Let an explanation develop naturally. That light bulb moment will come.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
This was bound to happen. Too lax with too much danger everywhere. They have to take back their camp. They have no choice. Perfect logical lead up to this. Makes sense. NG
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This was bound to happen. Too lax with too much danger everywhere. They have to take back their camp. They have no choice. Perfect logical lead up to this. Makes sense. NG
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
Comment from 24chas
I always like when you roll along blind. You seem to have a knack for coming up with the right chapter at the right time. Nice job.
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I always like when you roll along blind. You seem to have a knack for coming up with the right chapter at the right time. Nice job.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
Comment from l.raven
Hi You, well now what happened...everyone is gone...They weren't gone that long...Johnny and Christine...it's always something...LOL...oh that's right this is a story...LOL...ya Know I love it...Luff Ya Linda xxoo
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Hi You, well now what happened...everyone is gone...They weren't gone that long...Johnny and Christine...it's always something...LOL...oh that's right this is a story...LOL...ya Know I love it...Luff Ya Linda xxoo
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
Now, I can't read this without thinking about the beach guy with amnesia. I really hope you'll consider somehow combining these two stories. I think that might be a dynamite plot.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Now, I can't read this without thinking about the beach guy with amnesia. I really hope you'll consider somehow combining these two stories. I think that might be a dynamite plot.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Hahaha. Well, you have it floating around my brain now at least. That would take some doing, but I can see the possibilities. I think I'll keep them separate for now though. mikey
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Well, you had better have explanations in mind for everything you add... no loose ends. The fact that she saw those planes in dreams as a child is going to be a tough one, and now... why isn't the dog looking for Annie? Interesting plot, and I like it, but I hope you have some plan in mind. :)
hillbilly's ... should be "hillbillies"... never ever NEVER use an apostrophe to make a word plural!
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2014
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Well, you had better have explanations in mind for everything you add... no loose ends. The fact that she saw those planes in dreams as a child is going to be a tough one, and now... why isn't the dog looking for Annie? Interesting plot, and I like it, but I hope you have some plan in mind. :)
hillbilly's ... should be "hillbillies"... never ever NEVER use an apostrophe to make a word plural!
Comment Written 12-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2014
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I don't really have anything set, just a vague direction mainly about the characters themselves especially Christine and Johnny. Trying to have sense. (I hope) Thanks for pointing out errors like that. Sometimes I can read through it ten times looking at the same obvious mistake without seeing it. Thank you kindly, mikey
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Mikey.
Good job on this chapter. You are showing a growing relationship between Christine and Johnny, and a shared dependency on one another. I like that you brought them back to the campsite and showed the changes they observed. The dialogue works well and flows easily between characters.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2014
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Hi, Mikey.
Good job on this chapter. You are showing a growing relationship between Christine and Johnny, and a shared dependency on one another. I like that you brought them back to the campsite and showed the changes they observed. The dialogue works well and flows easily between characters.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 12-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2014
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Glad you are liking it. Flying blind, but comfortable with the characters. Just got to make sure not to come up with anything dumb! Hahaha. mikey
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Hi, Mikey.
Nothing creative is dumb! You are exploring and continuously growing as a writer. Without experimenting, we'd all be stagnant and stale.
Good for you to fly blind! I, too, am doing the same with a script. Not my comfort area, but I want to challenge myself in various styles.
Have a great night.
Rosalyne :)
