Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "The Council Meets, Recon Peeks"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
17 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
I liked this chapter very much. Although it was just a dream, it adds to the mindset of the characters. Great job with this one...sorry no suggestions. I am just along for the ride.
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I liked this chapter very much. Although it was just a dream, it adds to the mindset of the characters. Great job with this one...sorry no suggestions. I am just along for the ride.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2014
Comment from Darkhorse555
purring beautifully drawn mikey loved the picture but went right back into her cat-like stealth mode. excellent read really enjoyed dear friend
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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purring beautifully drawn mikey loved the picture but went right back into her cat-like stealth mode. excellent read really enjoyed dear friend
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Glad you're liking it. A couple more chapters are up. mikey
Comment from nordicgirl
I think i am reading this after you have revised it. Reads smooth and maybe more interesting has a shared vision. A nice added aspect. Great job here. NG
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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I think i am reading this after you have revised it. Reads smooth and maybe more interesting has a shared vision. A nice added aspect. Great job here. NG
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Pleased you liked the new twist. Thanks, mikey
Comment from Sankey
I'm still herer not far behind, very good. See where it goes I did notice an apology after this so will see what happens. Good work and NO SPAGS surprise surprise.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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I'm still herer not far behind, very good. See where it goes I did notice an apology after this so will see what happens. Good work and NO SPAGS surprise surprise.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Yes. A little technical thing. The author who is Johnny can't know anything but what he sees therefore he couldn't know what is happening in the government and all that. So, I made it a dream. Well, moving forward and leaving a lot of the violence behind I think.
Comment from l.raven
Hi Michael, well that's sounds like the way our government is none...do as little as they have to for us...as so many die...but on with the story...what will happen??? keep it going...so well done...Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Hi Michael, well that's sounds like the way our government is none...do as little as they have to for us...as so many die...but on with the story...what will happen??? keep it going...so well done...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 09-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
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Got some hillbillys in the act. Should be fun. I ran out of the original story, so I am flying blind. But, that's nothing new. Yee Haw!!! mikey
Comment from ravenblack
Another Romney to kick around? To be honest, the pan out from the characters to the government, at least at this point of the story, does not work for me, not unless you plan on bringing the politicians in as characters. It is a bit too much like the author pulling back and telling what is going on. Think it would have worked better if the characters came across a t.v. broadcast or stumbled across a government outpost, the scope of the devastation as seen through their eyes.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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Another Romney to kick around? To be honest, the pan out from the characters to the government, at least at this point of the story, does not work for me, not unless you plan on bringing the politicians in as characters. It is a bit too much like the author pulling back and telling what is going on. Think it would have worked better if the characters came across a t.v. broadcast or stumbled across a government outpost, the scope of the devastation as seen through their eyes.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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Yep. It's a big mistake. I have been trying to figure out a way to fix it all day. It's from the original story and it doesn't fit now. I actually have only about 1200 words left of the original and none of it has anything to do with where this went. Hahaha. Oh well, I'll leave the government stuff alone and get back to the real story. Something will occur to me I hope. A t,v, broadcast sounds good, I was thinking that they might find something on a deceased soldier like that....
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You know, not everything is set in stone here. You could just disable that chapter and rewrite it or , in all seriousness, post a disclaimer about that chapter and then redo it. Honestly, it was a big mistake and will be tough to write your way out of. The mystery of what happened, the tension of discovery is gone.
Comment from Marillion
So! The question of what happened is finally answered, and in a thorough manner. Thanks for that, Mikey. I was wondering what it was, and was not surprised to find the source, or the areas of destruction. Looks like I'm gone.
I find it interesting, too, that civilization continues unchanged not far away, and I like that you made it so. The people in Yosemite wouldn't have any idea.
By the end, it certainly doesn't sound like the new camp is hostile, either.
Nice work, Mikey.
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So! The question of what happened is finally answered, and in a thorough manner. Thanks for that, Mikey. I was wondering what it was, and was not surprised to find the source, or the areas of destruction. Looks like I'm gone.
I find it interesting, too, that civilization continues unchanged not far away, and I like that you made it so. The people in Yosemite wouldn't have any idea.
By the end, it certainly doesn't sound like the new camp is hostile, either.
Nice work, Mikey.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I noticed that immediately even before reading your notes. If you are writign in first person, which you are, you can't do that. You are limited only to what YOU would see,hear, and know. This is why I only write in third person, all-knowing, omniscient writer where everyone is he and she..there is no "I" in the story.
I see so MUCH written in first person and I cannot understand why an author would limit himself that way. Makes the writing much more difficult, narrows the story too much for my taste, since I like to have intertwining subplots going all the time, and first person does not allow that. For example, in my story, Father Murphy, Timmy's family, and Ginger could not all be fleshed out in the same story. Only ONE point of view would be allowed, and that character would tell the whole story thru his/her eyes only.
Eliminates far too many possibilities. But once you choose first person, you are stuck with it. You broke the rules with the govt bit. SHOuldn't be there. ONLY can be mentioned if/when the storyteller learns of govt plans from a newspaper article or something.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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I noticed that immediately even before reading your notes. If you are writign in first person, which you are, you can't do that. You are limited only to what YOU would see,hear, and know. This is why I only write in third person, all-knowing, omniscient writer where everyone is he and she..there is no "I" in the story.
I see so MUCH written in first person and I cannot understand why an author would limit himself that way. Makes the writing much more difficult, narrows the story too much for my taste, since I like to have intertwining subplots going all the time, and first person does not allow that. For example, in my story, Father Murphy, Timmy's family, and Ginger could not all be fleshed out in the same story. Only ONE point of view would be allowed, and that character would tell the whole story thru his/her eyes only.
Eliminates far too many possibilities. But once you choose first person, you are stuck with it. You broke the rules with the govt bit. SHOuldn't be there. ONLY can be mentioned if/when the storyteller learns of govt plans from a newspaper article or something.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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What kills me is that I know it too. There must be some way for this to be introduced without them knowing about it. I know I am just throwing it in written by nobody!! The ways I am coming up with are introducing aspects that I don't really want like mutual psychic dreams between Christine and Johnny or a tape that they find on a dead soldier or something. A dream of Johnnys seemed to suffice before. Rats. I will think of something. Can I borrow your camera? mikey
Comment from Tatarka2
There is information available about the Donner party; I think there may have been a child or two who survived. You can probably find it on the Internet. These people are not anything like the Donners were described by people who saw them before the end. I do like the juxtaposition of the government's response with the survivors who know nothing about it, but I do think there's a chapter or two missing. Maybe we need o know more about the government building up to the disaster, and how the characters in the story reacted to the government before the disaster occurred. Also I'm not sure why the government is so afraid of the cannibals. Is it just because they know there are so many of them? Or because they might organize? Reminds me a little of Kurt Vonnegut's classic, "Player Piano."
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There is information available about the Donner party; I think there may have been a child or two who survived. You can probably find it on the Internet. These people are not anything like the Donners were described by people who saw them before the end. I do like the juxtaposition of the government's response with the survivors who know nothing about it, but I do think there's a chapter or two missing. Maybe we need o know more about the government building up to the disaster, and how the characters in the story reacted to the government before the disaster occurred. Also I'm not sure why the government is so afraid of the cannibals. Is it just because they know there are so many of them? Or because they might organize? Reminds me a little of Kurt Vonnegut's classic, "Player Piano."
Comment Written 09-Mar-2014
Comment from ragamuffin
"We work for them, or, have you forgotten the basic premise for our democracy." YES! Yes, they have. Arrogant, out of touch SOB's. Government. Ugh. Anyway, Scary story, because when you think about it and all that's going on, something similar is entirely possible- which as far as I'm concerned makes the best stories. Nice to see thus far that the "country folks" seem to be good folks. With the intent and plot changing in your mind, I imagine it's because this and what's to come is what's supposed to. Happens to me all the time... Intent and result being two different things.
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"We work for them, or, have you forgotten the basic premise for our democracy." YES! Yes, they have. Arrogant, out of touch SOB's. Government. Ugh. Anyway, Scary story, because when you think about it and all that's going on, something similar is entirely possible- which as far as I'm concerned makes the best stories. Nice to see thus far that the "country folks" seem to be good folks. With the intent and plot changing in your mind, I imagine it's because this and what's to come is what's supposed to. Happens to me all the time... Intent and result being two different things.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2014
