Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "The Amazon Archers & Recon Johnny"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
18 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
I'm glad to see that you are bringing more action into the story. My only concern is that you are going to have to figure out what kind of role the mentally ill in your group are going to play. If there are armed groups roving Yosemite, they will have little chance of survival unless things change. What separates this from run-of-the- mill survival stories is that group and you are going to have to figure out what role they will play. 3 Xenas can't fend off all attacks.
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I'm glad to see that you are bringing more action into the story. My only concern is that you are going to have to figure out what kind of role the mentally ill in your group are going to play. If there are armed groups roving Yosemite, they will have little chance of survival unless things change. What separates this from run-of-the- mill survival stories is that group and you are going to have to figure out what role they will play. 3 Xenas can't fend off all attacks.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Interesting, I like this medievil based Robin Hood theme coming out of the gates. You know me--I like lots of live action. I liked the way you described the man with the gun. In a whisper--the mystery man is lying on the ground riddled with arrows. You are alright, that's what I'm doing, using my novel for an outline and making adjustments, making it better. I guess, if the man, he man have a clan, was sucessful of getting food, it was gonna be human flesh. I see--one had been killed and body kept for venision. Sickning but I understand there isn't much wildlife, I guess, some where killed by the disaster. I like where you are going, personally, don't be shy, give it to us with both barrels. Later Mikey.
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Interesting, I like this medievil based Robin Hood theme coming out of the gates. You know me--I like lots of live action. I liked the way you described the man with the gun. In a whisper--the mystery man is lying on the ground riddled with arrows. You are alright, that's what I'm doing, using my novel for an outline and making adjustments, making it better. I guess, if the man, he man have a clan, was sucessful of getting food, it was gonna be human flesh. I see--one had been killed and body kept for venision. Sickning but I understand there isn't much wildlife, I guess, some where killed by the disaster. I like where you are going, personally, don't be shy, give it to us with both barrels. Later Mikey.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from Sasha
Great work with this one. Scary moment for Johnny. How long have they been out there? I am a bit lost as to how much time as passed. Sometimes it seems like only a week or two then other times it seems like months. You might work on fixing the time element. I am sure I am not the only one confused. But again, I could be the ONLY one not sure of the time since I never know what day it is anyway...lol
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Great work with this one. Scary moment for Johnny. How long have they been out there? I am a bit lost as to how much time as passed. Sometimes it seems like only a week or two then other times it seems like months. You might work on fixing the time element. I am sure I am not the only one confused. But again, I could be the ONLY one not sure of the time since I never know what day it is anyway...lol
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from robina1978
I love your book and this chapter. What you wrote is logical to come. Other groups see that you lot have plenty to eat and come to steal it. The females are the first to defend.
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I love your book and this chapter. What you wrote is logical to come. Other groups see that you lot have plenty to eat and come to steal it. The females are the first to defend.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from Michaelk
This is the chapter I've been waiting for. This chapter feels like they are done playing games, and finally taking survival seriously. Great tension in This chapter. I like that they are finally branching out and exploring what's around them instead of waiting for someone to just blunder in and take their camp. I like your story very much, and I can't wait to read each chapter, but sometimes you tend to ramble on a little bit. To the point where it's easy to forget they are in a life and death situation. That is not the case with this chapter. I hope you keep going in this direction. I'm giving you six stars for this chapter to encourage you to do so.
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This is the chapter I've been waiting for. This chapter feels like they are done playing games, and finally taking survival seriously. Great tension in This chapter. I like that they are finally branching out and exploring what's around them instead of waiting for someone to just blunder in and take their camp. I like your story very much, and I can't wait to read each chapter, but sometimes you tend to ramble on a little bit. To the point where it's easy to forget they are in a life and death situation. That is not the case with this chapter. I hope you keep going in this direction. I'm giving you six stars for this chapter to encourage you to do so.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from Marillion
Another very good chapter, Mikey, and I agree with you about women being the superior gender, and I also like the idea of these Katniss types roaming the woods with their bows and arrows.
ALso, that was a good line. ...Your head is history' is much better than others I've seen. Once again, now that you've established the main characters, and killed off David, the imposter, it's moving along at a good click.
I could marry her just for laughs. That would cover most of my requirements for a happy life. "I think we need to determine who OUR neighbors are. If we are willing to venture out then so are they. Hell, they've already ventured."
One typo I saw:
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Another very good chapter, Mikey, and I agree with you about women being the superior gender, and I also like the idea of these Katniss types roaming the woods with their bows and arrows.
ALso, that was a good line. ...Your head is history' is much better than others I've seen. Once again, now that you've established the main characters, and killed off David, the imposter, it's moving along at a good click.
I could marry her just for laughs. That would cover most of my requirements for a happy life. "I think we need to determine who OUR neighbors are. If we are willing to venture out then so are they. Hell, they've already ventured."
One typo I saw:
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from jmdg1954
Wow, where have i been on the previous posts. Ive read a bunch of your miscellaneous postings and enjoyed them. Great action from the start. The dialogue was superb some had me cracking up, like this one line:
"I often get mistaken for a lesbian. It's the beard. It makes me look so butch.
A very good read. I may have to peruse a few past ones if I can get some free time - yeah right!
Nicely done, look forward to more. John
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Wow, where have i been on the previous posts. Ive read a bunch of your miscellaneous postings and enjoyed them. Great action from the start. The dialogue was superb some had me cracking up, like this one line:
"I often get mistaken for a lesbian. It's the beard. It makes me look so butch.
A very good read. I may have to peruse a few past ones if I can get some free time - yeah right!
Nicely done, look forward to more. John
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is much better than the last chapter. Lots of action and dialogue... a quicker and more interesting read. Love these parts especially:
I reached for my head and jumped forward for no good reason. << realistic, nice touch
They did manage to follow the line of sight rule much to our dismay.
"If you don't need to change your diaper,
I could marry her just for laughs. << It's why I married my hubby. :)
"I often get mistaken for a lesbian. It's the beard. It makes me look so butch.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2014
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This is much better than the last chapter. Lots of action and dialogue... a quicker and more interesting read. Love these parts especially:
I reached for my head and jumped forward for no good reason. << realistic, nice touch
They did manage to follow the line of sight rule much to our dismay.
"If you don't need to change your diaper,
I could marry her just for laughs. << It's why I married my hubby. :)
"I often get mistaken for a lesbian. It's the beard. It makes me look so butch.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2014
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Oh good! Most of this is new. I added much of this keeping in mind a lot of what you've been telling me. Glad you liked this chapter. I was happier with it too. Thanks again, mikey
