Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "The Amazon Archers & Recon Johnny"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
18 total reviews
Comment from Tatarka2
This is just my personal opinion, for whatever it's worth: I'd lose the bows and arrows. This piece had a "Hunger Games" feel to it, and still does, but I don't think you want to get anywhere close to that plotline. This has its own, very exciting, situation, characters and plot. I'd stay with that and ramp up the mystery. So far, the characters are interesting and well-drawn. You do dialogue very well, and it moves the story along at an intriguing pace.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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This is just my personal opinion, for whatever it's worth: I'd lose the bows and arrows. This piece had a "Hunger Games" feel to it, and still does, but I don't think you want to get anywhere close to that plotline. This has its own, very exciting, situation, characters and plot. I'd stay with that and ramp up the mystery. So far, the characters are interesting and well-drawn. You do dialogue very well, and it moves the story along at an intriguing pace.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Yes. I won't turn it that way. But, that would be a logical weapon to have. I don't see tribal wars or anything though. I've always been more interested in the characters than the story anyway. Sometimes I have to remember to have a story!! I'm way behind in answering these, so I'm going backwards. I do read everyone of them and keep every word of them in mind. The advice is very appreciated and helpful, mikey
Comment from nordicgirl
Yea!! Awesome chapter. So pleased with this direction. The girls are killer and believable. Exciting action and great dialogue. You sqid this was a shorter piece. I hope not!! NG
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Yea!! Awesome chapter. So pleased with this direction. The girls are killer and believable. Exciting action and great dialogue. You sqid this was a shorter piece. I hope not!! NG
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Glad you liked this. It seems to be expanding into something longer. I see the end in sight, but it keeps getting further away. Hahaha. mikey
Comment from ragamuffin
Still interesting as ever. Looking forward to reading more. I like the twists and turns. Helps keep it intriguing and human, as well as realistic. Well done!
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Still interesting as ever. Looking forward to reading more. I like the twists and turns. Helps keep it intriguing and human, as well as realistic. Well done!
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Glad you're finding it interesting. Trying to move forward in a different direction now. Pleased it's holding your interest. Thanks, mikey
Comment from l.raven
first question...where did you find this picture of me???...LOL...no!!! it's going great Michael....just keep it coming...Luff Ya Linda xxoo
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first question...where did you find this picture of me???...LOL...no!!! it's going great Michael....just keep it coming...Luff Ya Linda xxoo
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
Comment from 24chas
I like where you're going so far, mikey. Just keep it up. Love the part about the Amazon women. I really am digging this story, my friend. Keep up the good work.
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I like where you're going so far, mikey. Just keep it up. Love the part about the Amazon women. I really am digging this story, my friend. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from seaglass
Things get more clear as time goes on. I keep thinking forward to spring, guess it's from having been a farmer's daughter. If a few young deer, as rare as they are, could be captured and raised, a flock of domestic animals could be started. Also I once knew a man who figured out squirrel storage places and robbed their stashes of pine nuts. If there is a way to get hand on seeds, garden could be started.
Little boo boo="..determine who (are)-(our) neighbors are."
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Things get more clear as time goes on. I keep thinking forward to spring, guess it's from having been a farmer's daughter. If a few young deer, as rare as they are, could be captured and raised, a flock of domestic animals could be started. Also I once knew a man who figured out squirrel storage places and robbed their stashes of pine nuts. If there is a way to get hand on seeds, garden could be started.
Little boo boo="..determine who (are)-(our) neighbors are."
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Mikey.
This chapter is the best you've done. Great dialogue that pushes the story forward well. You've shown very good visuals, and the surroundings of the forests. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
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Hi, Mikey.
This chapter is the best you've done. Great dialogue that pushes the story forward well. You've shown very good visuals, and the surroundings of the forests. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from Sankey
For some reason I have stayed with this story, mate. NO reward ion it soit must have gotten(terrible American word) me in.
Scenic route hehe tell a story about that later
Now some spags.
We rejoin(g) the story
I tap(p)ed my back pocket
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For some reason I have stayed with this story, mate. NO reward ion it soit must have gotten(terrible American word) me in.
Scenic route hehe tell a story about that later
Now some spags.
We rejoin(g) the story
I tap(p)ed my back pocket
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from Nosha17
This was less gruesome for me! It was an enjoyable chapter as it had some camaraderie spirit in it and that I think is important to have. I like the idea of the women being the warriors (I wouldn't be much good, I hate weapons!)Your characters have become very real and it read well. Enjoyable read. I am glad you weren't upset with me writing all that long spiel last time! Faye
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This was less gruesome for me! It was an enjoyable chapter as it had some camaraderie spirit in it and that I think is important to have. I like the idea of the women being the warriors (I wouldn't be much good, I hate weapons!)Your characters have become very real and it read well. Enjoyable read. I am glad you weren't upset with me writing all that long spiel last time! Faye
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. The group has found others are trying to steal food from others. They have guns. There is one problem with guns. They need manufactured bullets. Their use is limited. They have found other groups with bow and arrows. They are hunting game and finding it scarce. Okay, large game is scarce. I think you need to check out small game. Squirrels, rabbits, birds. Many large animals have lived off the them for a long time. Great work.
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I love the story. The group has found others are trying to steal food from others. They have guns. There is one problem with guns. They need manufactured bullets. Their use is limited. They have found other groups with bow and arrows. They are hunting game and finding it scarce. Okay, large game is scarce. I think you need to check out small game. Squirrels, rabbits, birds. Many large animals have lived off the them for a long time. Great work.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2014
