Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Alliances, Joe Returns!"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
19 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
OK Going along on the trail. Still trying to get into this. I wonder if the characters are your clients in real life?
Or just the names perhaps? Or the characteristics?
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OK Going along on the trail. Still trying to get into this. I wonder if the characters are your clients in real life?
Or just the names perhaps? Or the characteristics?
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, forgive me. I somehow missed this one in my piles of messages. It will help make sense of the one I read out of order. Good laying out of the characters and their possible parts to play in this swan song of a terrible situation. Nice humor additions. :0 GracieAnn
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Mikey, forgive me. I somehow missed this one in my piles of messages. It will help make sense of the one I read out of order. Good laying out of the characters and their possible parts to play in this swan song of a terrible situation. Nice humor additions. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Poor Joe, what a terrible thing to happen. But in the situation you have all found yourselves in, I suppose it would become a way of life. Shoot first ask questions later. The thing about your story, Mikey, it could happen! Excellent piece of writing, so natural! xsx Sandra
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Poor Joe, what a terrible thing to happen. But in the situation you have all found yourselves in, I suppose it would become a way of life. Shoot first ask questions later. The thing about your story, Mikey, it could happen! Excellent piece of writing, so natural! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 05-Mar-2014
Comment from Darkhorse555
really loved this image you drew mikey Sounds that used to conjure images of bears or creepy crawlers now evoked visions of the undead very enjoyable read beautifully penned
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really loved this image you drew mikey Sounds that used to conjure images of bears or creepy crawlers now evoked visions of the undead very enjoyable read beautifully penned
Comment Written 05-Mar-2014
Comment from l.raven
OK Michael, These people are nuts...LOL...except Linda of course...LOL...Now lets here what the new Joe has to say...ready ...set....go....next...Luff Linda xxoo hugs
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OK Michael, These people are nuts...LOL...except Linda of course...LOL...Now lets here what the new Joe has to say...ready ...set....go....next...Luff Linda xxoo hugs
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
Comment from Marillion
I swear I reviewed this earlier...but maybe not.
Mikey, I like how you've identified the pecking order in the group, the paranoia that can occur, and a bit of levity that will pop up, too. Good chapter, my man.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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I swear I reviewed this earlier...but maybe not.
Mikey, I like how you've identified the pecking order in the group, the paranoia that can occur, and a bit of levity that will pop up, too. Good chapter, my man.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Are you saying I'm repetitious? Are you saying I'm repetitious? Hahaha. 7 & 8 are in the same vein, trying to get all the characters out there so I can get back to the story without any distractions. Tried to making it interesting enough not to lose anyone. Glad your liking it. Should pick up in pace a bit. (I hope!) mikey
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No, I think it's good that you're expounding on the characters, and like the way you're doing it.
Comment from ravenblack
At first on reading the title, I did briefly think , here comes the zombies. But the zombies must be in there for some reason. I have a feeling you are a fan of The Walking Dead and are writing your version...without the zombies.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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At first on reading the title, I did briefly think , here comes the zombies. But the zombies must be in there for some reason. I have a feeling you are a fan of The Walking Dead and are writing your version...without the zombies.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Never saw The Walking Dead actually. I just liked the Zombie joke and thought it separated The three buddies from the rest of the group with their morbid humor. Although a couple of the patients without meds might be close to appearing like zombies before long.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I can't understand why they would beat a stranger to a pulp like that.
This is getting more difficult to follow.. maybe if you made each chapter shorter. Too many people in each one, I can't keep track of everyone mentioned.Might be better to deal with one or two in depth in a chapter, using dialogue instead of narrative. SHOW, don't TELL, remember? Only thru dialogue can we get to know a character. You can TELL us what someone did but it won't stick.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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I can't understand why they would beat a stranger to a pulp like that.
This is getting more difficult to follow.. maybe if you made each chapter shorter. Too many people in each one, I can't keep track of everyone mentioned.Might be better to deal with one or two in depth in a chapter, using dialogue instead of narrative. SHOW, don't TELL, remember? Only thru dialogue can we get to know a character. You can TELL us what someone did but it won't stick.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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They're paranoid and he lumbered out of the dark and looked predatory. I know there are too many folks all at once. They are all introduced and I should be able to focus on the main ones now. Show don't tell. Okay, I will keep that running in my mind. Thank you much, mikey
Comment from ProjectBluebook
I guess, Joe returned from the dead. I like the zombie jokes aimed at Joe. The attempted rescue is what I would like to know about. Something seems odd? Something about Joe and his story? Is he hiding something. On a serious note, this is a good story, flawless, no hint of SPAG. I'm impressed and gonna try tighten up me ship. This is a marvelous job, an Agent would give it a second glance based on your writing skills and good imagination. I'm hooked on this novel, I just know, something is gonna happen, the calm in the middle of the storm. Have you been mentoring Country ranch girl, resembles your signature, somewhat. This is perfect, flawless. You come a long ways, my friend. wackydo out.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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I guess, Joe returned from the dead. I like the zombie jokes aimed at Joe. The attempted rescue is what I would like to know about. Something seems odd? Something about Joe and his story? Is he hiding something. On a serious note, this is a good story, flawless, no hint of SPAG. I'm impressed and gonna try tighten up me ship. This is a marvelous job, an Agent would give it a second glance based on your writing skills and good imagination. I'm hooked on this novel, I just know, something is gonna happen, the calm in the middle of the storm. Have you been mentoring Country ranch girl, resembles your signature, somewhat. This is perfect, flawless. You come a long ways, my friend. wackydo out.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Hey. Most encouraging words my friend. Yep, Joe has a great story coming up. Gotta whittle down the number of people I'm talking about at all at once. Well, introductions out of the way. Back to the story. Appreciate the input!! Country Ranch is getting a smooth flow going to her story. Big improvement! E-mail in the pipes! mikey.
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Aye-Matey, check out the E-mail.
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Mikey.
Well, the group is definitely showing signs of a divide. The synergy between Johnny, Christine is good. The new stranger putting a kink in the group coming with his own story is a great ending, and leaves the reader wanting more.
A couple of minor notes:)
Best not to start your opening sentence with it.
"It was very clear that she was a unique and compelling spirit..."
Suggestion, You want to give the "it" a name. This will make it easier for the reader to know exactly who your talking about in the first sentence.
For example: Christine, a unique and compelling spirit, demanded attention without uttering a word.
My second note is to add a bit more dialogue and share with the reader the other people's emotional state. You can keep it all in Johnny's POV, but share a more interactive conversation.
Mikey, these are only suggestions and my ideas. Please compare with others. I like how your story is building and the ending is great. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Bye
Rosalyne:)
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Hi, Mikey.
Well, the group is definitely showing signs of a divide. The synergy between Johnny, Christine is good. The new stranger putting a kink in the group coming with his own story is a great ending, and leaves the reader wanting more.
A couple of minor notes:)
Best not to start your opening sentence with it.
"It was very clear that she was a unique and compelling spirit..."
Suggestion, You want to give the "it" a name. This will make it easier for the reader to know exactly who your talking about in the first sentence.
For example: Christine, a unique and compelling spirit, demanded attention without uttering a word.
My second note is to add a bit more dialogue and share with the reader the other people's emotional state. You can keep it all in Johnny's POV, but share a more interactive conversation.
Mikey, these are only suggestions and my ideas. Please compare with others. I like how your story is building and the ending is great. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Bye
Rosalyne:)
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
