Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Deadly Rainbows"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
28 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Curiouis story well written so far. I know this is gonna take me ages to get through. Will see where we go with this.No Spags surprisingly so far.
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Curiouis story well written so far. I know this is gonna take me ages to get through. Will see where we go with this.No Spags surprisingly so far.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from MoIronE13
Writer are you??
I think SO..
You always have that innate ability to write your thoughts out clear and with great wit.
I always enjoy reading your works.
Look forward to more of this story.
Thanks mickey.
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Writer are you??
I think SO..
You always have that innate ability to write your thoughts out clear and with great wit.
I always enjoy reading your works.
Look forward to more of this story.
Thanks mickey.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
In the first paragraph I wanted to shout, 'yes! Just write it down!'
In the third paragraph-- second sentence-- I think you may need a comma after terrifying. As it is, the sentence doesn't make sense to me.
Last paragraph--'?on an outing from the board and care where some of us worked?' What is a board and care? Should it be in quotes, or caps maybe?
Hope this helps, Giddy
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In the first paragraph I wanted to shout, 'yes! Just write it down!'
In the third paragraph-- second sentence-- I think you may need a comma after terrifying. As it is, the sentence doesn't make sense to me.
Last paragraph--'?on an outing from the board and care where some of us worked?' What is a board and care? Should it be in quotes, or caps maybe?
Hope this helps, Giddy
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
Comment from Darkhorse555
really quite a picture gets the mind thinking mikey doubt, would?ve been a spectacular show to view from afar.very beautifully penned excellent read dear friend
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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really quite a picture gets the mind thinking mikey doubt, would?ve been a spectacular show to view from afar.very beautifully penned excellent read dear friend
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Glad you are enjoying this one. Thought I had this one all finished, but changing as I go a bit.
Comment from l.raven
OK Michael we are on our way...things are starting to take shape now...we are learning the different people in the story...and more about what the story holds...lets see where we go from here...next!!! Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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OK Michael we are on our way...things are starting to take shape now...we are learning the different people in the story...and more about what the story holds...lets see where we go from here...next!!! Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Moving forward. I thought I had this all finished, but some of the advice is causing me to add things. So, I may not know after all where I am going. Nothing new!! mikey
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That's ok who does...I'm just holding on...luff Linda
Comment from adewpearl
You introduce the main character effectively and set the stage of this calamity well.
I like the idea of being the Anne Frank of this time
terrorist-induced disasters - add the hyphen
wreaking death on whomever encountered them - whoever (that was just one of the lessons in this week's SPAG class) :-)
batteries we had were dead, - add the comma
not primitive, I watched - make that a period
a dramatic intro to this band of people and the bizarre and dangerous situation they find themselves in. I like the irony of all that life-changing danger being made manifest in beautiful rainbows, which usually symbolize hope. Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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You introduce the main character effectively and set the stage of this calamity well.
I like the idea of being the Anne Frank of this time
terrorist-induced disasters - add the hyphen
wreaking death on whomever encountered them - whoever (that was just one of the lessons in this week's SPAG class) :-)
batteries we had were dead, - add the comma
not primitive, I watched - make that a period
a dramatic intro to this band of people and the bizarre and dangerous situation they find themselves in. I like the irony of all that life-changing danger being made manifest in beautiful rainbows, which usually symbolize hope. Brooke
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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I've learned the who/whom difference before and it never sticks for some reason! So pleased you liked some of the aspects of this. Thanks for the help. I do know your class is in my future!! mikey
Comment from Nichola
This is great. You have mystery in the story which is a strong element in a lot of science fiction. The setting is compelling as well as mysterious. Jennifer is an interesting character and causes the reader to desire to know more about her abilities to help the group survive.
One correction:
Whatever direction she chose, I, as the reluctant leader, followed.
Nichola
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This is great. You have mystery in the story which is a strong element in a lot of science fiction. The setting is compelling as well as mysterious. Jennifer is an interesting character and causes the reader to desire to know more about her abilities to help the group survive.
One correction:
Whatever direction she chose, I, as the reluctant leader, followed.
Nichola
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
Comment from 24chas
Good start, mikey. I like the analogy with Anne Frank. I think this is going to be a fascinating story and I'm sure you will handle it perfectly, my friend.
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Good start, mikey. I like the analogy with Anne Frank. I think this is going to be a fascinating story and I'm sure you will handle it perfectly, my friend.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
Comment from Marillion
A good start, Mikey. You've given us a thumbnail sketch of the scene, and we're slowly going to get an idea of who is left, who is leading, who loves who, who hates who, etc. Looking forward to the journey.
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A good start, Mikey. You've given us a thumbnail sketch of the scene, and we're slowly going to get an idea of who is left, who is leading, who loves who, who hates who, etc. Looking forward to the journey.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Interesting, what was it? A comet, meteor, like what hit Russia decades ago. A forest that looked like toothpicks. Do you recall that incident. They still aren't 100% positive, the origin of the disaster that hit Siberia. Interesting, your character taking the form of the novelist, recorder of the group of 13. You learned much since then, surely, you are editing, making it better than before. I'm curious, about what caused this climatic destruction. I like secrets, best I wait and see. This looks promising, did you change your mind about the Pilgrims and Mayflower, writers. Maybe, that will be another novel? Looks promising, glad to see-a prologue. Some end with an Epilogue.
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Interesting, what was it? A comet, meteor, like what hit Russia decades ago. A forest that looked like toothpicks. Do you recall that incident. They still aren't 100% positive, the origin of the disaster that hit Siberia. Interesting, your character taking the form of the novelist, recorder of the group of 13. You learned much since then, surely, you are editing, making it better than before. I'm curious, about what caused this climatic destruction. I like secrets, best I wait and see. This looks promising, did you change your mind about the Pilgrims and Mayflower, writers. Maybe, that will be another novel? Looks promising, glad to see-a prologue. Some end with an Epilogue.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
