Comment from Lovewritingstuff

Excellent

This is a good entry. Liked the sense of romance in the surrender of this love flowing so genuinely and smoothly. One wil feel easily your words, and how this love makes you happy and wanting for more.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thanks for your feedback. I hate Fanstory's new system of having to write six essays, poems or chapters before being rated. I'd seen a decline in the quality of some of the writing as some are simply posting to get six of whatever they seek to be rated on.

reply by Lovewritingstuff on 24-Feb-2014

Hi dossie. I'm ranked without wanting to. The other day I forgot to disable the ratings in a poem and next day only because of one review rated I got ranked, so I had to remove the poem to remain without being ranked. The other day I also forgot to disable the ratings in a prologue, I fixed it but had already one review rated, a six star review, and because of that now I'm ranked, but I can't understand how can I be the 3rd highest ranked novelist with only 1 review ranked. Surely fanstory is smoking a funny thing. And I really don't want to be ranked, but it seems like fanstory wants me to be ranked.

Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

Oh, my dear Dossie,

Your lines are lovely and they touched me to the very core. They speak of permanent, enduring, committed love that never grows old - the way God designed it to be.

Lots of love,

xxx

Sonali :)

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thanks, Sonali! Lots of love to you, too! I wish you blessings and favor in all you do in His name! Dossie

Comment from WriterX13

Good

I feel like this could be way more powerful consolidated. It is good now, but if you were saying the same thing with fewer, but more powerful words/ word parings. I do not mean that in the sense of phrases. You want parings that get caught in the mind, flow nicely, and create a atmosphere. It is really good, to be honest it was hard to think of anything i could add to it.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

I'm not sure I understand your review. If it was good and you could add nothing to it, why rate it four. I was just asking. Peace. Dossie

reply by WriterX13 on 22-Feb-2014

I liked the concept, it is a good visual. But, speaking of flow. You have lots of little words and then big powerful words. Think of poetry and flow almost like a stream. Especially from the readers point of view. Written the way it is. It flows well and then there are these big stumbling stones that don't fit here and there. You said about wanting it to be read without pause. For that think of song lyrics almost. Think catchy, something that sticks in your mind, fewer words with the same amount of feeling packed in them. More power and better flow. As it is, this would work fine for the literary world, but I feel like what you are looking for and what would take it to the next level for your readers is this.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

excellent enjambment creates good flow of thought from line to line soulful expression of heartfelt emotion
You convey well the speaker's passion and desire and lovefor this beloved

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, Brooke, for reading, commenting and rating this poem! Dossie

Comment from MissMerri

Excellent

This is a heartfelt and stirring love poem. I liked the way you addressed it to your beloved. The style is totally appropriate for this loving declaration, and so much fun to read. Nicely done!

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, MissMerri, for reading, commenting and rating this poem! Dossie

Comment from MoIronE13

Excellent

The wanting
The needing
The desire
The LOve..
Beautiful emotional expression.
Take this heart and sing me to sleep
where dreams are always real.
XOXOXO

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, MolronE13, for reading, commenting and rating this poem! Dossie

reply by MoIronE13 on 22-Feb-2014

Tis a pleasure..

Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens

Excellent

I truly enjoyed this Valentines Poem. You have written it in a sensual, yet very tasteful manner.
When you awake with the morning sun, I want our passion of last night to be your first thought and last memory.

Well done, good luck, :-) Carolyn

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks, Carolyn, for reading, commenting and rating this poem! Dossie

Comment from boxergirl

Excellent

Great Valentine's poem about love. I like the way you divided your poem into three stanzas to match the stages of love making. All stages culminating with pledging your love forever. Good job and good luck! 8-)

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks, boxergirl, for reading, commenting and rating this poem! Dossie

Comment from in777wr#

Excellent

This was a well written poem. The poem vividly expresses wanting someone. This romantic poem reads, and flows well. A very good entry for the contest. Nice job.

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks, in777wr#, for reading, commenting and rating this poem! Dossie

Comment from Tomes Johnston

Excellent

The lack of punctuation works very well indeed in this piece of writing. This poem flowed nicely and just rolled off the tongue.

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014

Thanks, Tomes, for reading, commenting and rating this poem! Dossie

reply by Tomes Johnston on 22-Feb-2014

My pleasure