Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 122 "Sentiments"Small and Specialty Poems
16 total reviews
Comment from Tatarka2
I was going to give you a 4 for this until you explained the form. I can see how you've stayed within it very well. For me, there's way too much alliteration - it takes away from the lyrical quality and thus the message of the poem. It feels forced. I do see how you were trying to stay within this limiting form, though, and you have succeeded in doing that.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2014
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I was going to give you a 4 for this until you explained the form. I can see how you've stayed within it very well. For me, there's way too much alliteration - it takes away from the lyrical quality and thus the message of the poem. It feels forced. I do see how you were trying to stay within this limiting form, though, and you have succeeded in doing that.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2014
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Thank you Tartarka2. This was a very difficult write to achieve. I gladyouu could appreciate the effort. It is quite a tongue twister.
Comment from chicken scratch love
This was a very wonderful poem! I read the notes and see that there was a template which embraces the style used. I must say, it had a Dr. Seuss flavor to it ; ) Thanks for the share!
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2014
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This was a very wonderful poem! I read the notes and see that there was a template which embraces the style used. I must say, it had a Dr. Seuss flavor to it ; ) Thanks for the share!
Comment Written 08-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2014
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Thank you Chicken scratch.
Comment from Pilot2Pen
An excellent display of poetic talent. So many esses, I guess it is good that the "S" section of the dictionary is the largest. I admire your imagination and talent but I have to admit that I found the read of the poem to be tedious. The underlying message of the poem holds so much potential for a great poem if not forced. Five stars for the talent though. Ken
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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An excellent display of poetic talent. So many esses, I guess it is good that the "S" section of the dictionary is the largest. I admire your imagination and talent but I have to admit that I found the read of the poem to be tedious. The underlying message of the poem holds so much potential for a great poem if not forced. Five stars for the talent though. Ken
Comment Written 25-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Ok thanks
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I though you said a 5, but you gave a 4. Was that your intent? Just checking.
Comment from zakbrosen
I like the huge number of S words you use. However, there are so many syllables that sound similar that I get a little confused and tongue tied. I'd try to rhyme more (sometimes it seems like you rhyme but mainly not, so I wonder if it is just an accident), and keep a similar number of syllables in each line. I was entertained by this poem. I like the serpent and apple picture.
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reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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I like the huge number of S words you use. However, there are so many syllables that sound similar that I get a little confused and tongue tied. I'd try to rhyme more (sometimes it seems like you rhyme but mainly not, so I wonder if it is just an accident), and keep a similar number of syllables in each line. I was entertained by this poem. I like the serpent and apple picture.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2014
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Thanks
Comment from adewpearl
That is definitely one heck of a lot of alliteration!
Each stanza is in good Pleiades form
good use of occasional rhyme
good use of a question to engage the reader
Overall, I think you've done a good job of writing lines that still make sense even though you are requiring yourself to use so much alliteration, but still, in the end, I notice the alliteration more than what you have to say because there's just so darned much of it. I am not a fan of forms that draw this much attention to themselves. I prefer a form that "disappears" - but I think you've done as good a job of using this extreme form as I could ever expect. Brooke
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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That is definitely one heck of a lot of alliteration!
Each stanza is in good Pleiades form
good use of occasional rhyme
good use of a question to engage the reader
Overall, I think you've done a good job of writing lines that still make sense even though you are requiring yourself to use so much alliteration, but still, in the end, I notice the alliteration more than what you have to say because there's just so darned much of it. I am not a fan of forms that draw this much attention to themselves. I prefer a form that "disappears" - but I think you've done as good a job of using this extreme form as I could ever expect. Brooke
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thank you Brooke. I may have gone a bit overboard on this one. I thought the Pleiades a bit to easy and challenged myself to take it up to another level. I originally only was going to do beginning and end of each line, but then I got lost in the gold mine of words in the letter S,
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Now this poetic finesse has to constitute a major achievement in style and mastery.
I am once again in awe of your talent and can but sit and ponder your achievement.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Now this poetic finesse has to constitute a major achievement in style and mastery.
I am once again in awe of your talent and can but sit and ponder your achievement.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thank you Shirley. What a wonderful thing to say. I am so pleased you liked it and held it in such high regard.
Comment from sunnilicious
Wowwie... That is some exceptional work. Well thought out and clearly written. Spiritual commentary/philosophy. Creative visual imagery. Nice rolling alliteration in Pleiades poetic form. Enjoyable to read. Fantastic!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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Wowwie... That is some exceptional work. Well thought out and clearly written. Spiritual commentary/philosophy. Creative visual imagery. Nice rolling alliteration in Pleiades poetic form. Enjoyable to read. Fantastic!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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Thank you Alicia. I really appreciate the comments. I worked really hard on this one.
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It's a complete gem. If only there were a contest.... :)
Comment from CowboyToo
I hope this was fun to write. It certainly was fun to read. I don't remember encountering so much alliteration. You prove the prospect. The message is important, but the word circus taking place gets the applause.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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I hope this was fun to write. It certainly was fun to read. I don't remember encountering so much alliteration. You prove the prospect. The message is important, but the word circus taking place gets the applause.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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Thank you CowboyToo. I'll take a bow for that applause.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Tom,
Peter Piper picked a pound of pickled peppers...... Now this creative piece IS just YOU, oh, supreme master of alliteration!
Cleverly done, sir - quite sensational!!
Sonali :)
p.s. Thanks for the lesson on Pleia ... huh??
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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Hi Tom,
Peter Piper picked a pound of pickled peppers...... Now this creative piece IS just YOU, oh, supreme master of alliteration!
Cleverly done, sir - quite sensational!!
Sonali :)
p.s. Thanks for the lesson on Pleia ... huh??
Comment Written 22-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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Thank you Sonali. I thought a Pleiades is such a simple task to perform, so I thought I'd bring it up a notch or two, and make it more of a challenge.
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And you DID, Tom - you did!!
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Same thing with my poem, Muscle Cars. I looked at the requirements for an ABC poem and thought " are you kidding? A child can do that". So I set out to make it more of a challenge.
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Gotta luv you, Tom - who can blame you??
Comment from RGstar
Treichel, this was a well thought of and well executed poem.
One small thought. So well executed was it in terms of alliteration and your masterpieces of S's and structure always sound, , I had trouble following what the poem was actually about. The red thread. The overall aspect of its goal in the message it was giving. I think in the end, after reading over,I think found the message.
For me the most important aspect is to deliver the message so easily grasped regardless of the structure.
Having said that my friend, it is all about balance and you usually have that in abundance.
My other point. despite the difficulty , this was an exceptional effort, and a difficult poem to write. I wonder if anyone truly knows how difficult.
For that alone, this deserves a six for the skill in which you have called upon.
A mighty write and I have to give you all credit.
Sixes are limited, but know that this is well worth it.
Great to see you using the skills you have.
Best wishes,
RG
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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Treichel, this was a well thought of and well executed poem.
One small thought. So well executed was it in terms of alliteration and your masterpieces of S's and structure always sound, , I had trouble following what the poem was actually about. The red thread. The overall aspect of its goal in the message it was giving. I think in the end, after reading over,I think found the message.
For me the most important aspect is to deliver the message so easily grasped regardless of the structure.
Having said that my friend, it is all about balance and you usually have that in abundance.
My other point. despite the difficulty , this was an exceptional effort, and a difficult poem to write. I wonder if anyone truly knows how difficult.
For that alone, this deserves a six for the skill in which you have called upon.
A mighty write and I have to give you all credit.
Sixes are limited, but know that this is well worth it.
Great to see you using the skills you have.
Best wishes,
RG
Comment Written 22-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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Thank you RG. There was more than 1 thread in it. Thats why I called it sentiments. After all It is really 4 separate Pleiades poems, so each stanza should stand on it's own. The basic one is that mankind is not the only creature on earth capabil of sentiment (Sentient Sentiment). Then there is originat sin and salvation. Finally, do we all have souls, or just humans. Hope that helps.
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Now clearer. Great write,
