Rodeo Bull Rider
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Stock Contractor"A Life"s Dream Almost Ruined
11 total reviews
Comment from G.B. Smith
hey there Lady
I had to go back to the start and review the book to appreciate the tone of it. Jake is a resilient bastard to say the least. I'm betting that he chooses Betsy over everything else. I'll just have to read on
Bear
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
hey there Lady
I had to go back to the start and review the book to appreciate the tone of it. Jake is a resilient bastard to say the least. I'm betting that he chooses Betsy over everything else. I'll just have to read on
Bear
Comment Written 22-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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Keep reading, my friend, you are two chapters or so behind. Do you think people will buy the book if I can get it published when I am done?
Comment from Darkhorse555
this drew quite a story dear friend Of course I could have walked away from the rodeo circuit really a delightfully beautiful piece of reading i enjoyed
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
this drew quite a story dear friend Of course I could have walked away from the rodeo circuit really a delightfully beautiful piece of reading i enjoyed
Comment Written 21-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
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so kind of you to say you like my writing.
Comment from Joy Graham
Hi there! I'm jumping in on chapter 6 so I better go to the beginning and start reaading the proper way lol! I can smell the stock yard as I read and hear the cows and bulls mooing. Great story and I'm looking forward to reading more.
One little thing I noticed:
"Even if it is (just just) a stock contractor" - I think you only need one, "just" in there.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
Hi there! I'm jumping in on chapter 6 so I better go to the beginning and start reaading the proper way lol! I can smell the stock yard as I read and hear the cows and bulls mooing. Great story and I'm looking forward to reading more.
One little thing I noticed:
"Even if it is (just just) a stock contractor" - I think you only need one, "just" in there.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
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thank you for the heads up so glad you are enjoying this stay with Jake as he progress on.
Comment from Cajungirl
I am so pleased that Jake's life is back on track. He didn't allow the accident to set him back from doing what he loves. So he is on the other side of the Bull pin, but at least he is still working in the rodeo. Great job.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
I am so pleased that Jake's life is back on track. He didn't allow the accident to set him back from doing what he loves. So he is on the other side of the Bull pin, but at least he is still working in the rodeo. Great job.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
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so happy you are finding my story interesting follow Jake and Betsy to see what happens next
Comment from jmdg1954
Another good chapter. Seem to me, things were set in motion for story lines to come. I only spotted something on thought needed mending...
****Jake was able to get around with just a slight limp(, omit comma) in his step(s)
I could be wrong, I'm not a SPAG person.
John
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
Another good chapter. Seem to me, things were set in motion for story lines to come. I only spotted something on thought needed mending...
****Jake was able to get around with just a slight limp(, omit comma) in his step(s)
I could be wrong, I'm not a SPAG person.
John
Comment Written 21-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
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thank you so glad you are following the story I hope you have enjoyed it thus far
Comment from Tomes Johnston
The background cuts off in the middle of contractor. This is a problem that I often have as well. This is a gritty story that tells the reader about the dangers and pitfalls of this dangerous sport.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
The background cuts off in the middle of contractor. This is a problem that I often have as well. This is a gritty story that tells the reader about the dangers and pitfalls of this dangerous sport.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
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think I got it fixed this time
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Good news.
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smiles
Comment from sunnilicious
That is a mighty nice photograph. I glad Jake was healing good. I don't believe she overlooked his leg that simply. She could have hurt him more... Jake is stubborn like those bulls. But it worked in his favor. That's good.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
That is a mighty nice photograph. I glad Jake was healing good. I don't believe she overlooked his leg that simply. She could have hurt him more... Jake is stubborn like those bulls. But it worked in his favor. That's good.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
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she was a kind person a real softy when it came to Jake
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Good. And goodnite :)
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Okay sleepy head, I went to bed couldn't sleep so came back to do another story and check my messages. sweet dreams my friend
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's always nice when a plan comes together and one of the unfortunate good guys gets a break at a new life. Thanks for another great chapter.
Below are a couple places of question:
>>She looked at Jake startled, as happy tears streamed down her cheeks.(Startled: means, sudden shock or alarm. So I'd say another word might fit better. So, how about:
>>Duke asked how going with the newly weds and Jake said,... Try reversing
>>Betsy<,>in the meantime, went to a lot of places with them. . . (add comma after Betsy)
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
It's always nice when a plan comes together and one of the unfortunate good guys gets a break at a new life. Thanks for another great chapter.
Below are a couple places of question:
>>She looked at Jake startled, as happy tears streamed down her cheeks.(Startled: means, sudden shock or alarm. So I'd say another word might fit better. So, how about:
>>Duke asked how
>>Betsy<,>in the meantime, went to a lot of places with them. . . (add comma after Betsy)
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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thank you for the kind help
Comment from evrenios
this is an interesting story about the rodeo and the elements that go into making up the business. I enjoyed that. I want to suggest a few places that you could fix to make the reading of this even easier. I do not mean to offend, but only make a few suggestions from my view point. I hope they help.
Jake and Betsy tied the knot and Duke had not seen them it seemed forever. Awkward this way - Put the It seemed forever earlier in the sentence. For ex: "Jake and Betsy tied the knot and it seemed forever since Duke had seen them"
he was so proud they were there (Try to avoied the adverb "so" - it is overused and vague)
"I have a beautiful wife, a new future, what's more important than that?" (Use a
?)
"With only one leg, life has not slowed Jake one bit as he has been working so hard and pushing himself to be just as good as the rest of them" Change where the comma is, omit the so, and put the verb in the past as you have in the rest of the story. (With only one leg life had not slowed Jake one bit, for he had been working hard and pushing himself to be just as good as the rest of them)
"Eve if it is just just a stock contractor, I am happy with it. " (Eve(n) if it is just just a stock contractor, I am happy with it. )
others excused them selves and Betsy was curious.
( the word is themselves)
(He was just doing what he does for a living.
) You need a quotation mark to close this off.
Betsy went all quiet (This is colloquial - better o say: Betsy went quiet, or omit it entirely.)
(and it damn near cost me my life.) I think in this case it is damned near, since it is used as an adjective.
Oh, Jake, I am so happy to hear that!" as she jumped up in his arms, making them both fall over giggling (It would read better if you put the quote with the previous sentence: She looked at Jake, startled, as happy tears streamed down her heeks, "Oh Jake, I am so happy to hear that!" She juped in his arms, making them ...." Omit the She said right there - it is repetitive and interupts the flow - you don't need it. We know it is her speaking.
"except for his pride when he landed on his butt with her in his arms"(comma needed after pride)
I only want to make this more presentable as you venture out in a larger publishing venue. I wish you good luck on the story. I wish I could give you a higher mark, but I feel that it needs too much editing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
this is an interesting story about the rodeo and the elements that go into making up the business. I enjoyed that. I want to suggest a few places that you could fix to make the reading of this even easier. I do not mean to offend, but only make a few suggestions from my view point. I hope they help.
Jake and Betsy tied the knot and Duke had not seen them it seemed forever. Awkward this way - Put the It seemed forever earlier in the sentence. For ex: "Jake and Betsy tied the knot and it seemed forever since Duke had seen them"
he was so proud they were there (Try to avoied the adverb "so" - it is overused and vague)
"I have a beautiful wife, a new future, what's more important than that?" (Use a
?)
"With only one leg, life has not slowed Jake one bit as he has been working so hard and pushing himself to be just as good as the rest of them" Change where the comma is, omit the so, and put the verb in the past as you have in the rest of the story. (With only one leg life had not slowed Jake one bit, for he had been working hard and pushing himself to be just as good as the rest of them)
"Eve if it is just just a stock contractor, I am happy with it. " (Eve(n) if it is just just a stock contractor, I am happy with it. )
others excused them selves and Betsy was curious.
( the word is themselves)
(He was just doing what he does for a living.
) You need a quotation mark to close this off.
Betsy went all quiet (This is colloquial - better o say: Betsy went quiet, or omit it entirely.)
(and it damn near cost me my life.) I think in this case it is damned near, since it is used as an adjective.
Oh, Jake, I am so happy to hear that!" as she jumped up in his arms, making them both fall over giggling (It would read better if you put the quote with the previous sentence: She looked at Jake, startled, as happy tears streamed down her heeks, "Oh Jake, I am so happy to hear that!" She juped in his arms, making them ...." Omit the She said right there - it is repetitive and interupts the flow - you don't need it. We know it is her speaking.
"except for his pride when he landed on his butt with her in his arms"(comma needed after pride)
I only want to make this more presentable as you venture out in a larger publishing venue. I wish you good luck on the story. I wish I could give you a higher mark, but I feel that it needs too much editing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Thank you for the heads up and the kindness of pointing out what needed to be fixed. Don't worry about the marks giving I am just glad for the feedback and your kindness to want to help.
Comment from DionysusDeVille
For the greater good of your health sometimes you have to give up something you love, and that's surely something that's happened to our hero
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
For the greater good of your health sometimes you have to give up something you love, and that's surely something that's happened to our hero
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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YES SOMETIMES WE DO