Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 52 "Napha Moon, Part 1"Murder Mystery
40 total reviews
Comment from Adri7enne
You call your character "Skeets" in one paragraph, then 'Epstein" in the next. Be consistent, Bev. I had to go back to check if there were more than one person on the scene. No use confusing the reader.
"Derek Oleson had seen his detective hovering..." This is a total Point of view change. You jumped into Oleson's perspective.
I don't know how you feel about POV. Some writers don't give it a thought. I just finished reading "Casual Vacancy" by JKRollins, and she head hopped all the way through it. I admit, I didn't particularly enjoy it. I figure she probably wouldn't have made it if she had started with that one, instead of Harry Potter.
Bring it home, Bev. Next!
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
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You call your character "Skeets" in one paragraph, then 'Epstein" in the next. Be consistent, Bev. I had to go back to check if there were more than one person on the scene. No use confusing the reader.
"Derek Oleson had seen his detective hovering..." This is a total Point of view change. You jumped into Oleson's perspective.
I don't know how you feel about POV. Some writers don't give it a thought. I just finished reading "Casual Vacancy" by JKRollins, and she head hopped all the way through it. I admit, I didn't particularly enjoy it. I figure she probably wouldn't have made it if she had started with that one, instead of Harry Potter.
Bring it home, Bev. Next!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
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Thanks much, Adrienne. Switching POV's don't bother me as much as they apparently do you. Appreciate your insights. :0) Bev
Comment from Showboat
Oh, Bev, I just love your writing style, I love the cute word games... 'as if it were a spider waiting for a fly to slip into its web.' A candle flame, on its downward slide...what a great visual.
Like I said, when you're ready to publish, please let me make an offer!
Great job,
Hugs,
Gayle
No hyphen for 'backup'
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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Oh, Bev, I just love your writing style, I love the cute word games... 'as if it were a spider waiting for a fly to slip into its web.' A candle flame, on its downward slide...what a great visual.
Like I said, when you're ready to publish, please let me make an offer!
Great job,
Hugs,
Gayle
No hyphen for 'backup'
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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Gayle, thank you so much for this very generous and encouraging review. I am gratified when a writer I admire likes what I've written. You will definitely be a resource I will explore when I get done editing my novel -- after I finish, of course LOL.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
Edward Peace. That's the man's (missing an (r) in name.)
Nice way to tie up the first part with all of the police activity. Is Skeets jumping the gun? Do you work, sleep, eat and live with your characters? You sure seem to know them well. Sorry don't have a six?
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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Edward Peace. That's the man's (missing an (r) in name.)
Nice way to tie up the first part with all of the police activity. Is Skeets jumping the gun? Do you work, sleep, eat and live with your characters? You sure seem to know them well. Sorry don't have a six?
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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Hey, thanks for catching that, Dallas. I actually don't think about what I want to write much before I actually sit down. I'm way too obsessive and know my limits LOL. Always good to hear from you, my friend.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from jadapenn
Heck, I was going to shout "But the damn door was locked." Now how did it get open? This is a creepy chapter with all types of no good. Where is the elusive dog. Methinks Satan lives here. haha. Well written. luv jada
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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Heck, I was going to shout "But the damn door was locked." Now how did it get open? This is a creepy chapter with all types of no good. Where is the elusive dog. Methinks Satan lives here. haha. Well written. luv jada
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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You're not too far off the mark LOL. Thanks so much, Jada, not only for your generosity but for your encouragement,as well. Hugs, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
End of Part ONE! I think you have a saga going here, Bev. Are you switiching locations? Will we see more of Pearce as he is on the run? Awesome chapter treated with your meticulous care prior to presentation.
You have to get this book published!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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End of Part ONE! I think you have a saga going here, Bev. Are you switiching locations? Will we see more of Pearce as he is on the run? Awesome chapter treated with your meticulous care prior to presentation.
You have to get this book published!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much, Ellen. Holy smokes, I've got to cut myself off from creating all this drama LOL. I really appreciate your humorous, generous and so-encouraging review, my friend. And, yes, we will definitely be seeing Eddie again real soon. XX Bev
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You're welcome, sweetheart. :) ellen
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XX
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where they enter edward;s house and find the rosaries and crucifixes, but skeets is distracted by the sound of the animal and what seemed like men walking in the house
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where they enter edward;s house and find the rosaries and crucifixes, but skeets is distracted by the sound of the animal and what seemed like men walking in the house
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much for the gracious review, Sweet. :0) Bev
Comment from Rondeno
Action sequences are fiendishly hard to write, but you've come up with a beauty, Bevvers. This book HAS to get published!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Action sequences are fiendishly hard to write, but you've come up with a beauty, Bevvers. This book HAS to get published!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Oh my goodness, you've said it all right there, Mikey. I thought the difficulty was just with me! Thanks for saying just the right thing AND for your awesome review. BIG HUG, Bev
Comment from Liandra
This is the first time I have read any of your work. Even though I am way behind in the plot, I was caught up in the tension as they moved through the house. The dialogue and description excellent. Can't wait for the next part...
Liandra
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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This is the first time I have read any of your work. Even though I am way behind in the plot, I was caught up in the tension as they moved through the house. The dialogue and description excellent. Can't wait for the next part...
Liandra
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Lianda, thank you so very much for choosing to read my chapter. I very much appreciate your encouragement and generosity. It's most heartening! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Connie C
I think this is one of your best chapters so far, Bev. You really build up the suspense as the two enter the apartment, only to find it empty in spite of what Skeets saw of the two people embracing.
As always, excellent description and dialogue throughout, my friend. Sounds like we are getting close to the case being solved.
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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I think this is one of your best chapters so far, Bev. You really build up the suspense as the two enter the apartment, only to find it empty in spite of what Skeets saw of the two people embracing.
As always, excellent description and dialogue throughout, my friend. Sounds like we are getting close to the case being solved.
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much, Connie. I'm thrilled you enjoyed this chapter. I'm definitely trying to bring all the elements together. And I very much appreciate how much support you've given me through all this. Hugs, Bev
Comment from juliaSjames
Haven't reviewed you for ages, Bev. The story has moved on and it seems an arrest in imminent.
You keep the reader on edge in this chapter as the police move in but find that the birds have flown. Mysterious.
I have a few comments.
Two echoes that must have escaped your attention.
"Traveling on foot," in the first sentence is repeated as "approach the house on foot" in the third.
"line of sight" is repeated in successive sentences just before Derek enters the house.
"pane-glassed side door" is an unusual expression to me. Did you mean, "glass-paned"?
Not sure if "perp" should be capitalized. It's not a proper name.
A query: Would Skeets call Derek, "Boss" or use his rank?
Looking forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Haven't reviewed you for ages, Bev. The story has moved on and it seems an arrest in imminent.
You keep the reader on edge in this chapter as the police move in but find that the birds have flown. Mysterious.
I have a few comments.
Two echoes that must have escaped your attention.
"Traveling on foot," in the first sentence is repeated as "approach the house on foot" in the third.
"line of sight" is repeated in successive sentences just before Derek enters the house.
"pane-glassed side door" is an unusual expression to me. Did you mean, "glass-paned"?
Not sure if "perp" should be capitalized. It's not a proper name.
A query: Would Skeets call Derek, "Boss" or use his rank?
Looking forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Hi, JJ. Great to hear from you! And thank you for your excellent suggestions and insights. I'm heading into the home stretch with this novel. I have ideas for another kicking around LOL.
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You go, girl! :-))
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Thanks, JJ.
