History and Myth
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Battle of the Little Bighorn"Poems that tell stories of long ago
16 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a battle that shouldn't have happened in any circumstance. To steal the American Natives land was bad enough, but the steal their sacred burial ground, was unforgivable. They deserved everything they got. Greed is a terrible thing. I just wish the Indians had won their right to keep their lands and not been humiliated by the white interlopers. Excellent piece of history, written in this Dactyl format, which I definitely won't be trying!! xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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That was a battle that shouldn't have happened in any circumstance. To steal the American Natives land was bad enough, but the steal their sacred burial ground, was unforgivable. They deserved everything they got. Greed is a terrible thing. I just wish the Indians had won their right to keep their lands and not been humiliated by the white interlopers. Excellent piece of history, written in this Dactyl format, which I definitely won't be trying!! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 16-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2013
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Thank you Sandra. You are so right. They deserved better.
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with manner/banner...side/ride...hide/ride...horn/morn...north/forth...known/shown...hill/kill...head/dead. Good description. Good alliteration. Good, clear message that holds my attention from start to finish.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Good use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with manner/banner...side/ride...hide/ride...horn/morn...north/forth...known/shown...hill/kill...head/dead. Good description. Good alliteration. Good, clear message that holds my attention from start to finish.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Thank you Righteous Riter.
Comment from ravenblack
Custer who gained fame as an Indian fighter by wiping out a peaceful encampment of Cheyenne in a winter campaign. The very same Custer who ignored his Crow scouts who told him that Lakota/Cheyenne forces numbered in the thousands, the largest gathering of the plains tribes to date. Bold cavalry assaults , just smashing forward, served him well in the civil war. But not here.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Custer who gained fame as an Indian fighter by wiping out a peaceful encampment of Cheyenne in a winter campaign. The very same Custer who ignored his Crow scouts who told him that Lakota/Cheyenne forces numbered in the thousands, the largest gathering of the plains tribes to date. Bold cavalry assaults , just smashing forward, served him well in the civil war. But not here.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2013
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Thank you ravenblack. That the man, yes.
Comment from lakeport
Battle of the little big horn, indeed that was big mistake custer did make. That's a well written story, thanks for sharing it. God bless you. Lakeport.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Battle of the little big horn, indeed that was big mistake custer did make. That's a well written story, thanks for sharing it. God bless you. Lakeport.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Thank you Lajeport.
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your welcome,lakeport.
Comment from catch22
Hi Treischel, This is quite a challenge you've taken to write in this unusual meter and I commend you for your effort. I am not a meter expert, but I think several of your lines lost the dactyl meter in the poem, at least how I normally pronounce the words without putting unnatural stress on syllables. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
For instance:
CIVil WAR reNOWNED, rode FORTH under SEVenth CAV'S BANner
REno MADE Southern aPPROACH, where the WARRiors PUSHED him BACK.
This reads different than the meter in your author's notes to me where you're going for Dum-da-da Dum-da-da Dum-da-Dum-da. Once again, I'm not an expert. I just stumbled quite a bit reading this one. I even looked up Tennyson's famous dactyl poem "Charge of the light brigade" to try and get the rhythm of the dum da da. Sorry if I didn't get the rhythm. It's still quite a good historical poem. Take care.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Hi Treischel, This is quite a challenge you've taken to write in this unusual meter and I commend you for your effort. I am not a meter expert, but I think several of your lines lost the dactyl meter in the poem, at least how I normally pronounce the words without putting unnatural stress on syllables. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
For instance:
CIVil WAR reNOWNED, rode FORTH under SEVenth CAV'S BANner
REno MADE Southern aPPROACH, where the WARRiors PUSHED him BACK.
This reads different than the meter in your author's notes to me where you're going for Dum-da-da Dum-da-da Dum-da-Dum-da. Once again, I'm not an expert. I just stumbled quite a bit reading this one. I even looked up Tennyson's famous dactyl poem "Charge of the light brigade" to try and get the rhythm of the dum da da. Sorry if I didn't get the rhythm. It's still quite a good historical poem. Take care.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Thank you Gail. I sure I missed on a few lines. It it not easy. Here' how I took those two lined. See what I mean.
CIVil war reNOWNED rode forth UNder SevENTH cav's BANner
REno made SOUTHern apPROACH where the SOLdiers PUSHED Him BACK
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Hi, if you look closely at how you wrote the first line, you'll see you have 3 unstressed syllables in the beginning next to each other and the stresses are also a little unnatural in seventh. Don't know if this helps. It's a tough meter imo.
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi,Treischel,
This is an excellent description of the battle known as Custer's last stand in poetic format. The rhythm, rhyme and rhyme scheme are excellent. I am probably the last person who should be saying this but I think it is a little heavy on the detail and a little light on the figurative language.
Preston
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Hi,Treischel,
This is an excellent description of the battle known as Custer's last stand in poetic format. The rhythm, rhyme and rhyme scheme are excellent. I am probably the last person who should be saying this but I think it is a little heavy on the detail and a little light on the figurative language.
Preston
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Thanks Preston.yes, very ironic, but I take your point.
Comment from c_lucas
There are many versions of "Custer's Last Stand." The deaths of the soldiers made little news until it hit the East Coast. This is very well written.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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There are many versions of "Custer's Last Stand." The deaths of the soldiers made little news until it hit the East Coast. This is very well written.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Thank you c_lucas.
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You're welcome, Treischet. Charlie
Comment from vapros
Treischl, this is a good story,and well-told. There is nothing really unusual about Custer's end in the wild west, except that the Indians won, this time.
I'm not a fan of these extra-restrictive poetry forms, but I think you handled this one well. It makes poems seem more like problems, or words sifted thru a tight screen. But, that aside, I am impressed with those of you who will take the test. Good work.
Bill
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Treischl, this is a good story,and well-told. There is nothing really unusual about Custer's end in the wild west, except that the Indians won, this time.
I'm not a fan of these extra-restrictive poetry forms, but I think you handled this one well. It makes poems seem more like problems, or words sifted thru a tight screen. But, that aside, I am impressed with those of you who will take the test. Good work.
Bill
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Thank you Bill. I appreciate you comments.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for your detailed notes about the historical context and the form. I wasn't aware the plan was to use "human shields". I admired your long, rhythmic lines and rhymes and the history lesson. The contrast of "Goldenhairs" is quite effective. (The only thing I might change is to find another word for one of the two "facts" in the fourth stanza from the end.) The artwork is the perfect complement as well. Here's to getting the numbers right all the way around! Cheers for this tour de force, en route from Canada back to California- Joan
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Thank you for your detailed notes about the historical context and the form. I wasn't aware the plan was to use "human shields". I admired your long, rhythmic lines and rhymes and the history lesson. The contrast of "Goldenhairs" is quite effective. (The only thing I might change is to find another word for one of the two "facts" in the fourth stanza from the end.) The artwork is the perfect complement as well. Here's to getting the numbers right all the way around! Cheers for this tour de force, en route from Canada back to California- Joan
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Thank you Joan. I appreciate your comments and the stars. Have a good trip home!
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Thanks--we're back to 73 degrees! Have a pleasant Sunday- Joan
Comment from rod007
This is a great tribute to one of the few wars with the white men that they won. But as you know it was all for nothing as the power and arms of the Americans truly defeated and subjugated them. I believe the last line of your piece is very telling:
"Heartache and pain for natives remain, ghosts still hang around."
Now a number of these poor mortals are depressed, driven to drink and drop outs as they have lost their culture. I feel deep sympathy for them. Well done in opening the eyes of your audience.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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This is a great tribute to one of the few wars with the white men that they won. But as you know it was all for nothing as the power and arms of the Americans truly defeated and subjugated them. I believe the last line of your piece is very telling:
"Heartache and pain for natives remain, ghosts still hang around."
Now a number of these poor mortals are depressed, driven to drink and drop outs as they have lost their culture. I feel deep sympathy for them. Well done in opening the eyes of your audience.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
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Thank you rod. When you think about it , it was like aliens coming in large number, overwhelming, taking them over, killing them off, and obliterating their culture. might as well have been from outer space. But it wasn't.
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You are so right and that is the problem, men did this with God's Eyes looking on in horror!
