Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "Sunkothai Moon, Part II"Murder Mystery
57 total reviews
Comment from justatuna
I don't read many stories, but I'm certainly glad I read this one. I don't comment on structure as I'm no expert. I read what I like and I would say this is as good as most things I've read in print. From the beginning I was captured and wanted to continue. Can't ask for much more from a story. Effortless flow from beginning to end. Very real and intriguing. Exceptional write and I wish you the best.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
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I don't read many stories, but I'm certainly glad I read this one. I don't comment on structure as I'm no expert. I read what I like and I would say this is as good as most things I've read in print. From the beginning I was captured and wanted to continue. Can't ask for much more from a story. Effortless flow from beginning to end. Very real and intriguing. Exceptional write and I wish you the best.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much, J. I am honored by this wonderfully generous and encouraging review. It's great to know that my story connected with you! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from mrmorris69
When people post their work I assume they are trying to improve their work. So I write a review I try to find something I believe that can be improved and something I like. Please don't take my review negatively; I am only trying to help.
What I thought could be improved:
I believe that the following two sentences could have been written better.
You wrote: Uncle Tony turned her face upwards and looked into warm brown eyes so like her mother's. "Do not run from this fear, child," he urged. "Face it, and you will grow strong and straight."
I might have written: Uncle Tony looked into warm brown eyes so like her mother's and replied "Do not run from this fear, child, face it, and you will grow big and strong."
You wrote: Standing while she seated herself, he waited for her to get situated, then slid in close enough to ensure their thighs would touch.
I might have written: He stood while she seated herself, and after she was situated, slid in close enough to ensure their thighs would touch.
There were a few other places that I might have chosen different words but I am sure any two people would do the same.
The things I liked:
I have not read any of your other chapters but with the background you provided I did not need to. I really like the setting and that you gave your character flaws.
Overall I found this was a good story but to be honest I did have to read a few of the lines a couple of times before I understood. If I had to change anything I might go just a bit dark especially with Dred, for example you might hint that Dani was uncomfortable around him. Great job and if you send me a message when you post the next chapter I will read it but right now I am afraid I don't have time to read it all but if there is a chapter you would like me to read just let me know.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
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When people post their work I assume they are trying to improve their work. So I write a review I try to find something I believe that can be improved and something I like. Please don't take my review negatively; I am only trying to help.
What I thought could be improved:
I believe that the following two sentences could have been written better.
You wrote: Uncle Tony turned her face upwards and looked into warm brown eyes so like her mother's. "Do not run from this fear, child," he urged. "Face it, and you will grow strong and straight."
I might have written: Uncle Tony looked into warm brown eyes so like her mother's and replied "Do not run from this fear, child, face it, and you will grow big and strong."
You wrote: Standing while she seated herself, he waited for her to get situated, then slid in close enough to ensure their thighs would touch.
I might have written: He stood while she seated herself, and after she was situated, slid in close enough to ensure their thighs would touch.
There were a few other places that I might have chosen different words but I am sure any two people would do the same.
The things I liked:
I have not read any of your other chapters but with the background you provided I did not need to. I really like the setting and that you gave your character flaws.
Overall I found this was a good story but to be honest I did have to read a few of the lines a couple of times before I understood. If I had to change anything I might go just a bit dark especially with Dred, for example you might hint that Dani was uncomfortable around him. Great job and if you send me a message when you post the next chapter I will read it but right now I am afraid I don't have time to read it all but if there is a chapter you would like me to read just let me know.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
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Thanks so much for your interest and suggestions. :0) Bev
Comment from Auroraboreal800
This is a very interesting chapter. I think I missed the two last chapters, however, this has a great story line and the dialogue fits in perfectly. Adding background, made it's easy for me to understand what had been happening.
EXCELLENT job!!
:)
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
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This is a very interesting chapter. I think I missed the two last chapters, however, this has a great story line and the dialogue fits in perfectly. Adding background, made it's easy for me to understand what had been happening.
EXCELLENT job!!
:)
Comment Written 13-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Aurora. I really appreciate your taking time to read this story and for your generous review. The support and encourgement means a lot to me. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from JM daSilva
The memory of her Uncle's words blazed hot and bright, like a falling star, (funny that you used trickser (the serpent in a sense) and (falling star in the next sentence.)
waitress, Dani, looked askance at the couple (,)who (I would remove both) appeared tense and
"I'll get your drinks and give you (remove two) time (I got confused because of the expression two-time) to study the menu." She turned to Jana. "The lamb shanks are especially good
mine. There's no need to ask me to keep our conversation confidential. You know I will."( I hate when people ask me that.)
"Uncle Tony trusts him," she admittted. (admitted)
Great as usual, just some comments above.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
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The memory of her Uncle's words blazed hot and bright, like a falling star, (funny that you used trickser (the serpent in a sense) and (falling star in the next sentence.)
waitress, Dani, looked askance at the couple (,)who (I would remove both) appeared tense and
"I'll get your drinks and give you (remove two) time (I got confused because of the expression two-time) to study the menu." She turned to Jana. "The lamb shanks are especially good
mine. There's no need to ask me to keep our conversation confidential. You know I will."( I hate when people ask me that.)
"Uncle Tony trusts him," she admittted. (admitted)
Great as usual, just some comments above.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
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Hi, JM. I always look forward to getting your good insights. Thank you for the editing -- it's good to have another set of eyes to keep me in line. Actually, I used those two images together for a reason :0) Appreciate the support, as always. Warmest regards, Bev
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I thought you used them for a reason. Great. Welcome.
Comment from LucaFen4
a very well written piece. Great dialogue between Dred & Jana.
A good flow to this chapter. Love the Woodchuck, a little detail that stands out.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
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a very well written piece. Great dialogue between Dred & Jana.
A good flow to this chapter. Love the Woodchuck, a little detail that stands out.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
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Thank you for your gracious review! :0) Bev
Comment from Ruucnor
This was a very good read... The only part that confused me was the "Leksi" comment but alas I have not read all the other chapters so I'm sure I missed the reference, and I was a little confused on the booth thigh touching... it seemed to me that he sat on the same side as her but then slid to the end and she leaned over... unless it was a circular booth... then it makes sense... but I will have to read from the beginning loved it so far...
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2013
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This was a very good read... The only part that confused me was the "Leksi" comment but alas I have not read all the other chapters so I'm sure I missed the reference, and I was a little confused on the booth thigh touching... it seemed to me that he sat on the same side as her but then slid to the end and she leaned over... unless it was a circular booth... then it makes sense... but I will have to read from the beginning loved it so far...
Comment Written 12-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2013
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Thanks so much for your generous review. I appreciate it... Bev
Comment from MagKing
Well since you are recognized, I have no doubts.
Because it tells on you very much
I can see it all in this piece, but don't get me wrong, not quite all.
Still looking forward to see more from you
Nice one!
Take care!
MagKing
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2013
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Well since you are recognized, I have no doubts.
Because it tells on you very much
I can see it all in this piece, but don't get me wrong, not quite all.
Still looking forward to see more from you
Nice one!
Take care!
MagKing
Comment Written 12-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2013
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Thanks so much! :0)
Comment from queenv
The story and the characters are well written. This is the making of a great book. I love the name of the characters. The story keeps the writer on edge waiting to read more. Great job!
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2013
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The story and the characters are well written. This is the making of a great book. I love the name of the characters. The story keeps the writer on edge waiting to read more. Great job!
Comment Written 12-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2013
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Thanks so much for your generous and encouraging review, Q. I appreciate it... Bev
Comment from jadapenn
Aw no, now we got nowhere further with Jana rushing off. This Dred's hormones are really messing him up. What an addiction. lol. You built up the tension well, Bev and it seems I haven't missed too much.
Well written. luv jada
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2013
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Aw no, now we got nowhere further with Jana rushing off. This Dred's hormones are really messing him up. What an addiction. lol. You built up the tension well, Bev and it seems I haven't missed too much.
Well written. luv jada
Comment Written 12-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2013
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Hi, Jada. So good to hear from you. Thank you, my friend, for this very generous and supportive review. Things are going to start moving quickly as I'm heading into the home stretch. Thanks for taking time to read and review. Love, Bev
Comment from JW
Oh my. Sigh. I see this chapter has already earned All Time Best -- which means, most likely anything that I could possibly say, has already been said.
Oh well. Thanks for sharing this well written chapter. JW
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2013
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Oh my. Sigh. I see this chapter has already earned All Time Best -- which means, most likely anything that I could possibly say, has already been said.
Oh well. Thanks for sharing this well written chapter. JW
Comment Written 12-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2013
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Jonathon, thank you for taking time to read and review. I appreciate your generosity and support. :0) Bev
