Comment from elchupakabra

Excellent

I thought this piece did well in narrowly avoiding cliches and making great use of a solid alliteration to maintain the flow of this short write. Really great work overall on this piece, thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013

Thank you very much elchupakabra.

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Excellent

This is very good - just seven short lines but not as easy as one would imagine. But you have done a very good job with this as it all makes sense and one line flows easily and smoothly into the next. Very good. Regards Dorothy

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013

Thank you Dorothy

Comment from Gungalo

Excellent

Dance and play
The day away
Cherubs sing
As angels may
Wine tasting
Twilight toasting
Dusk's revelries underway

Twilight toasting indeed Tom. What a beautiful Whitney you have here. SIgh.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013

Thank you Gungalo.

reply by Gungalo on 09-Dec-2013

Smile Tom.

Comment from Benny Beeharry

Excellent

Sets the scene for Christmas. As the children/grow ups get under way playing and joking the scene is set foe a eating and drinking.
The writing ,smooth and gentle flows down., Very nicely, letting the wine go down.

Well done
Benny Beeharry

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013

Thank you Benny. A nice assessment.

Comment from Petriesan

Excellent

never heard of a whitney. . .there are a lot of forms for poetry. . .

This works quite well, building tension until the end.

Thanks for sharing

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013

Thank you Petriesan. Yes there are very many form. This is an expressive little one.

Comment from Bobby Jo

Excellent

This is a fun poem. I like the picture, it seems to capture your words. Keep writing and inspiring us to play and enjoy our days.

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013

Thank you Bobby Jo.

Comment from KG Writes

Excellent

Treischel This is sweet and touching. Your illustration compliments it beautifully. So you are a photographer, too. Especially like your last line. KG Writes

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013

Thank you KG Writes. Yes, the majority of my poems use my own photography. I think they compliment each other well. Thanks for your wonderful comments.

reply by KG Writes on 09-Dec-2013

Treischel, Some say that poetry does not need an illustration, that it should stand alone. I disagree. I believe that a good illustration enhances ones work and adds beauty to it. Your photography certainly does. You are welcome for the review. Enjoy your day. KG Writes

Comment from livelylinda

Excellent

Treischel: a lovely piece of writing! In ones imagination, the words perfectly describe the picture. You have written a perfect Whitney. I'm just learning about this type of poem; have never written one. This piece had a very calming, peaceful feel to me. Good write! livelylinda

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013

Thank you livelylinda. By all means give one a try. You'll find it becomes one of your favorite formats

Comment from Smoothiecool

Excellent

great picture to capture the essence of this poem
you have the seven line count
also the correct syllable count in each line
your wine and dancing the dusk away in the context of the cherubs is a great image
cheers SC

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013

Thank you very much, SC.

Comment from B. Diehl

Excellent

I like this a lot; it's an easy-read, which I can almost always enjoy. Also, it's meaningful! Conveying meaning with simple language is a lot harder than it sounds, so I salute you. Please check out my work sometime. :) Take care.

P.S. Enjoy the five stars!

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2013

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reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013

Thank you B Diehl. I'll do that.