To Cherish Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Our Ocean"Free Verse Poetry
21 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
I like it two. When we start in this life, our experiences are our own ocean. And there is someone out there with her own ocean, faith that they will meet ripples over the years converging until both are found.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
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I like it two. When we start in this life, our experiences are our own ocean. And there is someone out there with her own ocean, faith that they will meet ripples over the years converging until both are found.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2013
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yep. that is it. thank you. can always count on you to get it, mikey
Comment from tbacha58
My dearest Mike, that is such a master piece of art, the picture amazing, the black background is beautiful, the way you arranged the poem is flowing over the waves. You to stop under estimating yourself. Whatever you write or do is who you are, as long as you will be happy, others will sense your happiness. No more comments that are negative. Ok my dearest Mike. Love u Terry
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2013
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My dearest Mike, that is such a master piece of art, the picture amazing, the black background is beautiful, the way you arranged the poem is flowing over the waves. You to stop under estimating yourself. Whatever you write or do is who you are, as long as you will be happy, others will sense your happiness. No more comments that are negative. Ok my dearest Mike. Love u Terry
Comment Written 06-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2013
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I went next door and borrowed the neighbors computer to fix it! hahaha. They think I am crazy. I am happy you liked this. I liked this one too! Love you too, mikey
Comment from nelliesellie
The ocean is where life begins. All kinds of life and all kinds of land. Mermaids can lure sailors to lands unknown. Love can be found when a maiden kisses a frog. Or a love can form that will last as long as the ocean. The ocean, a place of reality or magic, your choice. Great work.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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The ocean is where life begins. All kinds of life and all kinds of land. Mermaids can lure sailors to lands unknown. Love can be found when a maiden kisses a frog. Or a love can form that will last as long as the ocean. The ocean, a place of reality or magic, your choice. Great work.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Beautiful and equally poetic response. Always love your input, mikey
Comment from Alena Smith
that's beautiful how you picked each emotion apart and gave them their own lives, spotlights.
each one was connected to the other one, which made it easy to read.
I loved reading it. you do a good job at portraying your feelings through your words.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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that's beautiful how you picked each emotion apart and gave them their own lives, spotlights.
each one was connected to the other one, which made it easy to read.
I loved reading it. you do a good job at portraying your feelings through your words.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Wonderful complements to hear. You are too kind. Thank you so much. I am delighted you enjoyed it! mikey
Comment from rama devi
Second review
:-))) Great editing choices!
First review (FOUR stars)
Lovely romantic free verse, Michael! I like your use of spacing and indents to shape the cadences and dramatic pauses. Very effective. Nice personification and imagery, especially here:
to fathom tides and the clever toying of the moon
smiling and making the stars giggle
they mocked us with their winking
*I like this stanza too, especially the metaphorical overtones and the alliteration on S and H...but felt the syntax in first line slightly off-putting:
we scan with heavy sighs the vast waters
separated but of a kind
dreams of sailing haunt our horizons
Suggest either using commas for smoother flow in the read:
we scan, with heavy sighs, the vast waters
or, even better, reversing the order of words:
we scan the vast waters with heavy sighs
This is thought provoking:
-faith-
a journey uncertain
whose destination holds joy or oblivion
waves to ride to shore tumbling and shouting
or
an abyss embracing separate sorrows unconnected
I like the whimsy of this stanza, but felt the references to the Fairytales weakened your poem a bit (for me)
-belief-
a kiss awakens a sleeping princess
a frog the handsome prince through adoring eyes
a jolly laugh slips a child's hope down a narrow chimney
faith transforms the stiffest wood to leaping life (UNIQUE IMAGERY HERE)
Nice closing note, though it sounds a bit trite...(honestly--it is ulifting and sweet but unoriginal in comparison to the res of the poem)...
-destiny-
in the deepest and most wide ocean
two souls entered the water
they sought only love
the most perfect love in the universe
they found it
One tiny spag suggestion to use AND in the last line, which would also give it smoother enjambment
AND they found it
I really like your 'headliner device'...beginnings, longings, faith, belief destiny. However, belief and faith are basically the same thing. To be very candid ad frank, I recommend deleting the BELIEF stanza altogether...as it would make a much stronger poem without it (IMHO).
The artwork is STUNNING and makes a fine match for your beautiful poem.
The poem is very good but has room for improvement...to shine to its highest potential.
Best wishes,
rd
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Second review
:-))) Great editing choices!
First review (FOUR stars)
Lovely romantic free verse, Michael! I like your use of spacing and indents to shape the cadences and dramatic pauses. Very effective. Nice personification and imagery, especially here:
to fathom tides and the clever toying of the moon
smiling and making the stars giggle
they mocked us with their winking
*I like this stanza too, especially the metaphorical overtones and the alliteration on S and H...but felt the syntax in first line slightly off-putting:
we scan with heavy sighs the vast waters
separated but of a kind
dreams of sailing haunt our horizons
Suggest either using commas for smoother flow in the read:
we scan, with heavy sighs, the vast waters
or, even better, reversing the order of words:
we scan the vast waters with heavy sighs
This is thought provoking:
-faith-
a journey uncertain
whose destination holds joy or oblivion
waves to ride to shore tumbling and shouting
or
an abyss embracing separate sorrows unconnected
I like the whimsy of this stanza, but felt the references to the Fairytales weakened your poem a bit (for me)
-belief-
a kiss awakens a sleeping princess
a frog the handsome prince through adoring eyes
a jolly laugh slips a child's hope down a narrow chimney
faith transforms the stiffest wood to leaping life (UNIQUE IMAGERY HERE)
Nice closing note, though it sounds a bit trite...(honestly--it is ulifting and sweet but unoriginal in comparison to the res of the poem)...
-destiny-
in the deepest and most wide ocean
two souls entered the water
they sought only love
the most perfect love in the universe
they found it
One tiny spag suggestion to use AND in the last line, which would also give it smoother enjambment
AND they found it
I really like your 'headliner device'...beginnings, longings, faith, belief destiny. However, belief and faith are basically the same thing. To be very candid ad frank, I recommend deleting the BELIEF stanza altogether...as it would make a much stronger poem without it (IMHO).
The artwork is STUNNING and makes a fine match for your beautiful poem.
The poem is very good but has room for improvement...to shine to its highest potential.
Best wishes,
rd
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Wonderful thoughts and input. You have put my brain to work. Yes, I do like your wording much better. I see your point on faith and belief but, I find them to be different in my way of thinking. Belief a more thought out process and conscious decision perhaps and faith more of the heart. Based on your thoughts though I did change the order of the two. The ending is intentionally simple and childlike as that is how I wanted it to sound. I argued with myself over AND and the self that you have taken over won!! Yes, it is better as you have suggested. I used a friends computer to format as I wish it to appear if you have time to take a peak at it. I don't know why I am unable to use the editor features with my computer. Driving me crazy!! Thank you for your help. Most appreciated. This is one of my few pieces that I actually like myself. mikey
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Thanks for your gracious, thoughtful reply. Belief is more of mind and faith is of heart, but I also BELIEVE (LOL) that the faith tends to be the foundation of belief...
Will certainly take a second look and make a new review (in a few minutes).
Warm smiles
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Ha! Then you agree they are two different things!! I hope my big smile shows in printed format. ::)))
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:-)))
Comment from Sasha
I really like this one. The format seems fine to me. I especially love this verse:
-belief-
a kiss awakens a sleeping princess
a frog the handsome prince through adoring eyes
a jolly laugh slips a child's hope down a narrow chimney
faith transforms the stiffest wood to leaping life
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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I really like this one. The format seems fine to me. I especially love this verse:
-belief-
a kiss awakens a sleeping princess
a frog the handsome prince through adoring eyes
a jolly laugh slips a child's hope down a narrow chimney
faith transforms the stiffest wood to leaping life
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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I just can't chose fonts or background color or move words around much. at least I can get the words up though. something in my computer. not the site's fault. Glad you liked that stanza. I did too. thank you kindly, mikey
Comment from country ranch writer
Hum and where did the editor run off too, nice poem and picture. Lucky in love and one is lucky in life grandpa used to say.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Hum and where did the editor run off too, nice poem and picture. Lucky in love and one is lucky in life grandpa used to say.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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He was right!! Seems to make the other problems go away. I don't know what is wrong with the editing. Something on my end though. Works on other computers. Just a problem on mine.....I'll figure it out eventually.
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I still haven't found a good one but this is better than what I had I think
Comment from krys123
This poem seems to have many topics which relates to the words beginning, longing, faith, belief and destiny of which each verse relates to and compliments each word. Very well with written and easy to read this poem's rhythm needs some work and the layout can be somewhat confusing. You have a good one and God bless. And thank you for sharing this with others.
AK
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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This poem seems to have many topics which relates to the words beginning, longing, faith, belief and destiny of which each verse relates to and compliments each word. Very well with written and easy to read this poem's rhythm needs some work and the layout can be somewhat confusing. You have a good one and God bless. And thank you for sharing this with others.
AK
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much for your kind words and input. I am having some difficulty with the editor. It won't let me access the fonts or colors or move the words or do much of anything. It seems to be a problem on my end. Working on it. Appreciate the input. blessings, mikey
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You are so welcome Mikey and I know what you mean when the editor can really fowl up.
Comment from Kingsland
Evil eddy is up to his old tricks again. This was a well written poetic voice. I really like the different way you have formatted this piece. It added to the enjoyment of the read for me... John
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Evil eddy is up to his old tricks again. This was a well written poetic voice. I really like the different way you have formatted this piece. It added to the enjoyment of the read for me... John
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Evil eddy! I like that. Kind and encouraging words. Most appreciated. Thank you very kindly, mikey
Comment from RGstar
Five paragraphs,five categories all with its own title of life, all of them synonymous with human nature, in one way, or another.
from beginning , to destiny, the story unfolds, and how so well it does?
You contain the essence, even without punctuations. You hold the structure, your words do not fly all over the place, and you keep the connection. Bravo.
You have managed to keep the elements of nature throughout, which is actually the binding feature of your write.
Good one , Mike,
RG
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Five paragraphs,five categories all with its own title of life, all of them synonymous with human nature, in one way, or another.
from beginning , to destiny, the story unfolds, and how so well it does?
You contain the essence, even without punctuations. You hold the structure, your words do not fly all over the place, and you keep the connection. Bravo.
You have managed to keep the elements of nature throughout, which is actually the binding feature of your write.
Good one , Mike,
RG
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Can't seem to access the editor for fonts and background and all of that. But, managed to get the words up. Wonderful review. Most encouraging and appreciated. Thank you very much, mikey
