Gramalot's Storybook
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Edie's Christmas Secret"A book of stories and poems for kids of all ages.
7 total reviews
Comment from nelliesellie
Edie found the best thing in the elevator. Plus she got to do Santa a real favor. How many kids can say they saved Santa? The story should probably not get around to other kids. Some might try to trap Santa. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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Edie found the best thing in the elevator. Plus she got to do Santa a real favor. How many kids can say they saved Santa? The story should probably not get around to other kids. Some might try to trap Santa. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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Nelliesellie, thank you for your comments and review. It's greatly appreciated.
Comment from Daedalia
This is a cute story with an endearing main character in Edie. The dialogue works well and it carries the reader along on its charming journey. Good job!
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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This is a cute story with an endearing main character in Edie. The dialogue works well and it carries the reader along on its charming journey. Good job!
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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Daedalia, thank you for your comments and review. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from Millibrad
This is a cute story and nice use of the writing prompt.
"Edie's eyes filled with tears as she sadly looked at her (Mommy)[mom or mother]." These terms should only be capitalized when used in place of a person's name.
I'm not an authority on children's stories, but it is normally not a good idea for your third person narrator's voice to be the same as the protagonist, in this case, Edie. So, with this in mine the narrator should say mom or mother.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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This is a cute story and nice use of the writing prompt.
"Edie's eyes filled with tears as she sadly looked at her (Mommy)[mom or mother]." These terms should only be capitalized when used in place of a person's name.
I'm not an authority on children's stories, but it is normally not a good idea for your third person narrator's voice to be the same as the protagonist, in this case, Edie. So, with this in mine the narrator should say mom or mother.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2013
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Millibrad, thanks so much for the suggestions. I wondered about that myself when writing. Comments and review very appreciated.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Teagan Rose Horton
wow this is excellent, you have used such great techniques, your writing is so precise and profound, i loved reading this, you have such great talent and enthusiasm, i hope to read more from you, have a blessed day
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2013
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wow this is excellent, you have used such great techniques, your writing is so precise and profound, i loved reading this, you have such great talent and enthusiasm, i hope to read more from you, have a blessed day
Comment Written 06-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2013
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Thank you. If so wonderful as you state, just curious... why just a 4? Am so glad you enjoyed it but your words seem more like a 5 star... just curious. Thanks anyway for comments and review.
Comment from Nosha17
A very cute story about a child and her wish for Santa not to forget her. Very novel idea and I enjoyed it. You have written the dialogue and narrative well with good use of language. Faye
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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A very cute story about a child and her wish for Santa not to forget her. Very novel idea and I enjoyed it. You have written the dialogue and narrative well with good use of language. Faye
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Faye, thank you so much for your review and comments. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Consider: Avoid 'the' wherever possible, for ex:
"...looking up into (a) starlit sky.
"...another hug (;) reminded ...
A familiar tale well told and presented in an original format. No SPAG of any consequence, POV well applied.
Regards:
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Consider: Avoid 'the' wherever possible, for ex:
"...looking up into (a) starlit sky.
"...another hug (;) reminded ...
A familiar tale well told and presented in an original format. No SPAG of any consequence, POV well applied.
Regards:
Comment Written 05-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2013
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Stephen, thank you for your comments, suggestions and review. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from JD Storms
Well done on your contest entry. Very cute and to imagine the twist that Edie saved Christmas. I smiled :-) Well done and good luck on your entry.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Well done on your contest entry. Very cute and to imagine the twist that Edie saved Christmas. I smiled :-) Well done and good luck on your entry.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
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Thanks, JD, it was fun to write. I appreciate your comments and review.
