Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "A nature walk"Words to pass on to my children
27 total reviews
Comment from Laiba Naz
You have written a beautiful poem which I enjoyed reading, keep writing interesting poems like this. well done.
.Laiba Naz. ^__^
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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You have written a beautiful poem which I enjoyed reading, keep writing interesting poems like this. well done.
.Laiba Naz. ^__^
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for the beautiful review. I appreciate it. Mary
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your most welcome.
Comment from RGstar
Beautiful, Mary .I had not got round to reviewing this yet, so a little late.
Not quite exact end rhyme matches on a couple of the early stanzas, yet played out beautifully, in your abab structure.
A couple of small things to add here;
''They are playfully scampering to and fro
Scurries up the tree, too shy to come down''
Because of the word 'they', need to change '''scurries'' to 'scurrying.' If only one squirrel you speak of then it would have been fine.
''They are playfully scampering to and fro
scurrying up the tree, too shy to come down''
Or
''They are playfully scampering to and fro
they scurry up the tree, too shy to come down.''
..but that would mean using ''there'' twice in succession which is not good but works.
''The night closes in the stars are all glowing''
A comma or semi colon after 'in' or add 'and'
''The night closes in; the stars are all glowing
''The night closes in and the stars are all glowing''
Despite those two tiny changes, the focus cannot be detracted from your presentation.
A vast array of imagery,heightened even more because of your personal involvement in that which you write. We see through your eyes, and as the poem develops it gets stronger and stronger, with beautiful, well placed, adjectives and nouns. It is as if we walk with you. It is well deserved for my last six for the great imagery presented and strong poetic ambiance, especially in the second half of the poem. There must have been a reason I saved this six. Now I know. :)
''Nothing has changed here in many a year
The glorious sunsets, giving joy and thrills
Lazily grazing are the families of deer
As evening glow settles on the distant hills''
This is my favorite stanza. Beautifully executed and overwhelmingly self explanatory in a poetic sense.
Lovely write, Mary.
Have a great day,
best wishes,
RG
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Beautiful, Mary .I had not got round to reviewing this yet, so a little late.
Not quite exact end rhyme matches on a couple of the early stanzas, yet played out beautifully, in your abab structure.
A couple of small things to add here;
''They are playfully scampering to and fro
Scurries up the tree, too shy to come down''
Because of the word 'they', need to change '''scurries'' to 'scurrying.' If only one squirrel you speak of then it would have been fine.
''They are playfully scampering to and fro
scurrying up the tree, too shy to come down''
Or
''They are playfully scampering to and fro
they scurry up the tree, too shy to come down.''
..but that would mean using ''there'' twice in succession which is not good but works.
''The night closes in the stars are all glowing''
A comma or semi colon after 'in' or add 'and'
''The night closes in; the stars are all glowing
''The night closes in and the stars are all glowing''
Despite those two tiny changes, the focus cannot be detracted from your presentation.
A vast array of imagery,heightened even more because of your personal involvement in that which you write. We see through your eyes, and as the poem develops it gets stronger and stronger, with beautiful, well placed, adjectives and nouns. It is as if we walk with you. It is well deserved for my last six for the great imagery presented and strong poetic ambiance, especially in the second half of the poem. There must have been a reason I saved this six. Now I know. :)
''Nothing has changed here in many a year
The glorious sunsets, giving joy and thrills
Lazily grazing are the families of deer
As evening glow settles on the distant hills''
This is my favorite stanza. Beautifully executed and overwhelmingly self explanatory in a poetic sense.
Lovely write, Mary.
Have a great day,
best wishes,
RG
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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I am so grateful for this wonderful detailed review with so many helpful tips that I will look at and edit. I am so pleased you rated it a six, I do appreciate it RG, as always
Mary
Comment from crystal brandon
Hi I'm crystal brandon I'm the greatgreatniece of queenmaryof scots and duke charles brandon.i enjoyed reading your poem.i liked and loved your poem.your poem touched my heart and soul its a beautfiullpicturenpoem.I'm giving your poem five stars
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Hi I'm crystal brandon I'm the greatgreatniece of queenmaryof scots and duke charles brandon.i enjoyed reading your poem.i liked and loved your poem.your poem touched my heart and soul its a beautfiullpicturenpoem.I'm giving your poem five stars
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you crystal for your review, I am pleased you enjoyed it. Mary
Comment from zanya
Beautiful celebration of Nature which is such a constant in our lives'Nothing has changed here in many a year'- we are forever fascinated with Mother Nature's mysteries 'Night Gazers with telescopes come out to play'.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Beautiful celebration of Nature which is such a constant in our lives'Nothing has changed here in many a year'- we are forever fascinated with Mother Nature's mysteries 'Night Gazers with telescopes come out to play'.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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a lovely review I do appreciate it and your comments. Mary
Comment from amanda98653
A beautiful poem you've written there, Mary:)
The rhyme scheme is flawless:
"my walks are amazing and they are free
i feel i'm in heaven this i must deem
if more people could be aware and see
breath taking beauty of this glorious scene"
One suggestion to keep in mind:
capitalize all the "i"
"I feel I'm in heaven in this I must deem"
The last line of the first stanza pertains to the second stanza.
"a great brown heron at the edge of the lake
eyes searching where the freezing water flows
he watches eagerly for the next meal to take
using evolved talents only nature knows"
A vivid imagery is portrayed there.
beautiful adjectives like "brown" and "great"
A transition to nighttime:
"as the night closes in the stars are all glowing
bright stars emerging from the blindness of day
beckoning and twinkling their luminous showing
night gazers,with telescopes come out to play"
one more suggestion:
"as the night closes in(,) the stars are all glowing"
great use of personification "beckoning and twinkling their luminous showing"
Hugs
Amanda
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2013
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A beautiful poem you've written there, Mary:)
The rhyme scheme is flawless:
"my walks are amazing and they are free
i feel i'm in heaven this i must deem
if more people could be aware and see
breath taking beauty of this glorious scene"
One suggestion to keep in mind:
capitalize all the "i"
"I feel I'm in heaven in this I must deem"
The last line of the first stanza pertains to the second stanza.
"a great brown heron at the edge of the lake
eyes searching where the freezing water flows
he watches eagerly for the next meal to take
using evolved talents only nature knows"
A vivid imagery is portrayed there.
beautiful adjectives like "brown" and "great"
A transition to nighttime:
"as the night closes in the stars are all glowing
bright stars emerging from the blindness of day
beckoning and twinkling their luminous showing
night gazers,with telescopes come out to play"
one more suggestion:
"as the night closes in(,) the stars are all glowing"
great use of personification "beckoning and twinkling their luminous showing"
Hugs
Amanda
Comment Written 09-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much Amanda ,I appreciate your comments and great review. Mary
Comment from Simple Reflection
Delightful poem! Your words are expressive and vivid and easily captures the attention of the reader. I googled this river so I could get a better look. It is quite beautiful!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2013
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Delightful poem! Your words are expressive and vivid and easily captures the attention of the reader. I googled this river so I could get a better look. It is quite beautiful!
Comment Written 08-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2013
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Thank you for your great review, I am glad you took an interest in the Boyne river It covers large areas, about 70 miles long. Mary
Comment from Narvik
Ah, you put a very sentimental and refreshing aspect on the idea of walking. I like how you depict all the different aspects of nature, and I particularly like how you depict how nature never changes--at least in the area this represents. Good job and I wouldn't change a thing.
~ Marv
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2013
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Ah, you put a very sentimental and refreshing aspect on the idea of walking. I like how you depict all the different aspects of nature, and I particularly like how you depict how nature never changes--at least in the area this represents. Good job and I wouldn't change a thing.
~ Marv
Comment Written 08-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2013
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thank you for the excellent review. Mary
Comment from JonnyRhymes
You beautifully describe the vibrancy of nature in this poem. It makes the reader want to be there too, experiencing nature wonders and observing the wildlife. Lovely job!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2013
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You beautifully describe the vibrancy of nature in this poem. It makes the reader want to be there too, experiencing nature wonders and observing the wildlife. Lovely job!
Comment Written 08-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2013
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Thanks for the excellent review I am glad you like it. Mary
Comment from MarjorieAnne
These carefully rhymed stanzas express a wondrous appreciation of aspects of nature noticed by the author on various walks (though the title seems to refer to one walk). The use of "I" three times in one line is distracting. The word "deem" is archaic and is used improperly.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2013
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These carefully rhymed stanzas express a wondrous appreciation of aspects of nature noticed by the author on various walks (though the title seems to refer to one walk). The use of "I" three times in one line is distracting. The word "deem" is archaic and is used improperly.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2013
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Thank you for your time for reviewing, sorry you took the wrong meaning out of my poem, British English: deem( something is deemed to have a particular quality) and this is the meaning of deem I was referring to.Also This is the same place, where I have my walks. hence a nature walk.
Mary
Comment from marycec
Beautiful picture you have created with your camera and your words.The imagery is amazing.I can see that brown heron and the sun glancing off the prancing rabbit's ear. Beautiful.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2013
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Beautiful picture you have created with your camera and your words.The imagery is amazing.I can see that brown heron and the sun glancing off the prancing rabbit's ear. Beautiful.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much for the great review and the wonderful comments. Mary
