Soft, Red Hair.
A couple of newspaper hacks follow a story.3 total reviews
Comment from larae parry
Just a note: Some humans can't add.
The story was very clever, well-written, and the dialogue was realistic and fun.
The author didn't get caught up with over use of adjectives and "showed" the story rather than just "tell" us the story.
Bravo, I say. Bravo
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Just a note: Some humans can't add.
The story was very clever, well-written, and the dialogue was realistic and fun.
The author didn't get caught up with over use of adjectives and "showed" the story rather than just "tell" us the story.
Bravo, I say. Bravo
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Sorry for the long delay in replying to your review ? no excuses but simply a matter of procrastination. "I must do..." I say every time I visit Fanstory, but ... well, better late than never! Thank you!
Comment from Spiritual Echo
This is a very strange and unique story and I'm sure it will stand out to the committee for it's bizarre plot line.
I enjoyed the read, but there are a couple of areas you may want to look at again.
THIS PARAGRAPH DOESN'T MAKE A LOT OF SENSE. IT'S LIKE YOU PIKED UP THE STORY AFTER YOUR ESCAPE FROM THE DEADLINE. I'D REDO THIS BEFORE CONTEST DEADLINE.
Only the day I left Tom to make the deadline, I was afraid and if the truth was known, Tom was too. He was more afraid than I, but I laughed and survived. Believe me, there is nothing more macabre than hearing the sound of laughter when you're shuffling along barefooted with a naked corpse on your shoulders, but what the hell, I laughed.
THIS SENTENCE GOES ON AND ON AND ON. BREAK IT UP FOR BETTER IMPACT.
ONE OTHER THING. IF THESE GUYS ARE SUPPOSSED TO BE AMERICANS THEY WON'T SAY CAR PARK--THEY'LL SAY PARKING LOT.
This time, two words in the heading caught my eye, "Top Secret." The telex was military, and the last people the military would send it to was a couple of British reporters visiting a backstreet newspaper in a way out town just south of the Arizona desert. Someone had misdialled or misdirected
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This is a very strange and unique story and I'm sure it will stand out to the committee for it's bizarre plot line.
I enjoyed the read, but there are a couple of areas you may want to look at again.
THIS PARAGRAPH DOESN'T MAKE A LOT OF SENSE. IT'S LIKE YOU PIKED UP THE STORY AFTER YOUR ESCAPE FROM THE DEADLINE. I'D REDO THIS BEFORE CONTEST DEADLINE.
Only the day I left Tom to make the deadline, I was afraid and if the truth was known, Tom was too. He was more afraid than I, but I laughed and survived. Believe me, there is nothing more macabre than hearing the sound of laughter when you're shuffling along barefooted with a naked corpse on your shoulders, but what the hell, I laughed.
THIS SENTENCE GOES ON AND ON AND ON. BREAK IT UP FOR BETTER IMPACT.
ONE OTHER THING. IF THESE GUYS ARE SUPPOSSED TO BE AMERICANS THEY WON'T SAY CAR PARK--THEY'LL SAY PARKING LOT.
This time, two words in the heading caught my eye, "Top Secret." The telex was military, and the last people the military would send it to was a couple of British reporters visiting a backstreet newspaper in a way out town just south of the Arizona desert. Someone had misdialled or misdirected
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
Comment from Nosha17
Unusual story, very readable with good dialogue and story line. You write very well and this could definitely be part of a longer story as I wanted to read more. Very commendable.
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Unusual story, very readable with good dialogue and story line. You write very well and this could definitely be part of a longer story as I wanted to read more. Very commendable.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
