Pax
I see a beautiful child14 total reviews
Comment from #Peace
Effortless flow and rhyme which carried this whimsical poem from the page to my heart and caused a smile to widen as an image of seeing wonder sparkle in a child's eye appeared in my mind. Your poem is a gift. Thank you!
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Effortless flow and rhyme which carried this whimsical poem from the page to my heart and caused a smile to widen as an image of seeing wonder sparkle in a child's eye appeared in my mind. Your poem is a gift. Thank you!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2017
Comment from Eleanor Buron
"wee poem" ? :) You were quite impressed by this child. the poem is delightful - I enjoyed reading it. Australia - wonderful country. I spent three weeks in Melbourne and moved about from there. Went to Sydney, but really liked Melbourne. Good people, good food ! ;) Drove your beautiful Ocean road. Blessings, friend.
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"wee poem" ? :) You were quite impressed by this child. the poem is delightful - I enjoyed reading it. Australia - wonderful country. I spent three weeks in Melbourne and moved about from there. Went to Sydney, but really liked Melbourne. Good people, good food ! ;) Drove your beautiful Ocean road. Blessings, friend.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2013
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dearest Auld Yin,
So lovely to have a post to read from you. And this is a beauty in all ways. Great emotion expressed through Pax's eyes. Nice strong imagery, great rhyming too.
I enjoyed reading this one my friend.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
A wee lass:)
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Dearest Auld Yin,
So lovely to have a post to read from you. And this is a beauty in all ways. Great emotion expressed through Pax's eyes. Nice strong imagery, great rhyming too.
I enjoyed reading this one my friend.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
A wee lass:)
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
Comment from ravenblack
A pleasant enough poem, but I really did not get a sense of the child or the childlike wonder of seeing through his eyes. The child just seemed like a vehicle for you to state that we should see through a child's eyes and you make this point more than once. Think this would be more effective if it were trimmed down a bit and were given a glimpse of pax' s magical world through his eyes.
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A pleasant enough poem, but I really did not get a sense of the child or the childlike wonder of seeing through his eyes. The child just seemed like a vehicle for you to state that we should see through a child's eyes and you make this point more than once. Think this would be more effective if it were trimmed down a bit and were given a glimpse of pax' s magical world through his eyes.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
Comment from w.j.debi
I hope you keep this in a safe place and present it to him when he is older. One reason I love being around small children is they remind me to discover the world around me. You caught that well in your poem. Nice aabb rhyme scheme. My favorite part was the description of how he tries to take in everything around him:
his eyes darting near and far,
Fishes - in an aquarium, darting here and there,
Pax's eyes wide; finger pointing everywhere in his go chair.
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I hope you keep this in a safe place and present it to him when he is older. One reason I love being around small children is they remind me to discover the world around me. You caught that well in your poem. Nice aabb rhyme scheme. My favorite part was the description of how he tries to take in everything around him:
his eyes darting near and far,
Fishes - in an aquarium, darting here and there,
Pax's eyes wide; finger pointing everywhere in his go chair.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
Comment from Sarah Rudolph
Great! I like it. I like that you read it. It flows nicely and has a good rhyme. Yes children are innocent it's sad for me to see them be taught the wrong things.
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Great! I like it. I like that you read it. It flows nicely and has a good rhyme. Yes children are innocent it's sad for me to see them be taught the wrong things.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
Comment from adewpearl
Lovely pairing of painting and poem, which is in excellent rhyming couplets
good use of enjambment to keep your thoughts flowing from line to line
a thoughtful portrait of this boy who has his sense of curiosity, wonder, imagination intact with excellent advice that we all need to retain those capabilities as we grow older :-)
It is always wonderful to see a new post from you, my friend, and to hear your voice :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Lovely pairing of painting and poem, which is in excellent rhyming couplets
good use of enjambment to keep your thoughts flowing from line to line
a thoughtful portrait of this boy who has his sense of curiosity, wonder, imagination intact with excellent advice that we all need to retain those capabilities as we grow older :-)
It is always wonderful to see a new post from you, my friend, and to hear your voice :-) Brooke
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thank you Brooke Bonny lass for your support and of understanding my thoughts in this poem. After receiving an 18 line and a three star critic I thought I had flunked my intentions miserably:)
I never intent to do anything but convey what I see in life and what I perceive to be right. I have not been able to get time to right my poems but the meeting of this little boy Pax greatly impressed me. I just had to put it down on paper. I wrote it in just a few moments during my time whilst I was in in this Garden Center;so I guess I was a we bit rushed in my endeavor to Fanstory it.
Thanks again for picking up an Auld Yin.
Comment from joneau2
What a delightful story, a wonderful tale of innocence, and innocence lost. Your emotions shine through like a nova, and your words make the work glow. So very well done.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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What a delightful story, a wonderful tale of innocence, and innocence lost. Your emotions shine through like a nova, and your words make the work glow. So very well done.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thank you very much Kind sir .
The Auld Yin.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, alex, you did an excellent job writing this beautiful tribute poem to the little boy who lights up the world around him. i just love the picture
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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this is very well written, alex, you did an excellent job writing this beautiful tribute poem to the little boy who lights up the world around him. i just love the picture
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Thanks Bonny Lass for this saving 6 stars it is very much appreciated.
The Auld Yin.
Comment from gazzagodbod
i so wish i had a sixer for this one theres nothing as lovely as the wonder in a childs eyes great poem my friend well done gazza
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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i so wish i had a sixer for this one theres nothing as lovely as the wonder in a childs eyes great poem my friend well done gazza
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2013
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Hi Gazz thank you for your lovely and supportive review.
The Auld Yin.